


This is your life now

by Supernatural_reference98



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Dean, Castiel has real Wings, Character Death, Emotionally Hurt Dean, F/M, Fluff, Grief, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, Insecure Castiel, John Winchester Being an Asshole, John and Mary Are Dead, Love at first sight?, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Superpowers, Sweet Dean, Top Castiel, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Virgin Castiel, Wing Kink, i'll update these as i go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2018-10-24 23:06:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 21
Words: 67,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10751658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Supernatural_reference98/pseuds/Supernatural_reference98
Summary: Sam and Dean live a normal life. That is until they both pass out and wake up in a strange place. They learn they both have Superpowers and have to learn control before they can leave.  Sam wants nothing more than to go back to his old life, with his girlfriend and scholarship but Dean starts doubting how important his old life is to him as he inevitably starts falling for his mentor, Castiel.





	1. The Breakout

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, this is my first attempt at writing a fanfic. I hope you enjoy it. This is unbeta'd, so all the mistakes are mine. Comments and Kudos would mean the world to me! I'll try to update once a week but I guess I'll have to figure out my exact writing speed before making any promises. Enjoy!

Sam had already been asleep when his brother came home from work. As always, Dean tried his best to be quiet but didn’t quite succeed. Sam could hear his brother rummaging in the fridge, seemingly looking for a late night snack. The boy wanted to just roll over and continue to sleep, but the sudden realization struck him that it was after midnight and therefore Deans birthday. Since Dean was most likely not going to stop making noise any time soon, Sam thought he might as well get up and give him his present. He swung his legs out of the bed and looked at his phone. January 24th, 3:08am. Great time to be awake.

He grabbed the box that was sitting on his desk and made his way into the kitchen where he found his brother, looking out the window and eating leftover apple pie. He was well aware that they had agreed not to buy any presents, but he did not like the idea of Dean spending his birthday without receiving at least one present. Knowing Dean, he’d probably made the same agreement with everyone they knew.

“Happy Birthday, Dean.” Sam smiled and moved a hand through his hair as he placed the box on the kitchen table. Dean turned around from his position at the window and looked at Sam with a smile on his face. “Thanks, Sammy. You could have told me that in the morning though. It’s late. No need to stay up that long.”

“I got you something.” Sam decided to let his brother believe that he had stayed up rather than blaming him for waking him up. Deans eyes dropped to the blue box and he raised an eyebrow. “Thought we said no presents? I don’t want you wasting your money on me.”

“It’s not wasted if you like it. I wanted to get you something.” Sam said, waiting for his brother to finally take the box and open it, hoping Dean would like his present. Dean carefully put the pie on the counter, but not without taking another huge bite. “Alright, Sammy, thank you.” Dean smiled around the mouthful of pie and opened the box, taking out the picture frame.  
It was the picture they took last Christmas with Bobby, Ellen and Jo. All five of them looked happy and it was a good memory for both, Dean and Sam alike. Even though they were not actually related, Bobby and Ellen had pretty much raised the two of them. Sam had never known their mother because she died in a car accident only a few months after he was born. Their father, John, never really recovered from that and had done his best to drown his grief in alcohol. That was, until he fell down the stairs when Sam was 8. John had been in a coma for 3 days before he flatlined, and Sam and Dean were left orphans. After that they had both moved in with Bobby, Ellen and Jo, quickly becoming a part of their family.

As soon as Dean had turned 21, Ellen had hired Dean as a bartender in her Roadhouse. One day he and Jo would take over the whole business. Sam knew Dean also used the bar to hold not-so-legal poker tournaments and roughly one year later, after Sam had turned 16, Dean had saved enough money to buy them their own apartment.

The boys had been living in this apartment for 2 years now and Sam was happy. He was a senior and he was well on his way to get a full ride to Stanford. He knew leaving his brother behind to go to California would be hard, but he also knew Dean would kick his ass if he stayed. Sam knew that Dean saved a big amount of his money to make sure Sam got into college even if he did not get a full ride. His education had always been priority number one for Dean and Sam felt eternally grateful to have him. After loosing both their parents to tragic accidents, Dean was the only real family Sam had left. Even Bobby and Ellen had not always been able to help when John was too drunk to function. Being 6 years older, Dean had always taken care of Sam. He made sure Sam went to school and there was food on the table when he got home. Dean even did his best to keep John away from Sam when he was at his worst. Even though he loved Bobby and Ellen as though they were his own parents and he could not imagine a life where Jo was not his little sister, Sam knew he owed his life to Dean.

“Thanks Sammy, this is great.” Dean seemed genuinely happy with the present and Sam smiled, walking over to his brother and pulling him into a tight hug. Dean seemed startled at the sudden show of affection but quickly recovered from the initial confusion and wrapped his strong arms around his brother. “You alright?” Dean sounded genuinely concerned as Sam was usually not one to show his feelings so openly. “I’m just happy to have you Dean. Thank you for taking care of me all those years.” Sam could feel his brother laughing, even though he never let out more than a chuckle. “Don’t get all sappy on me, kiddo. You should go to bed, it’s really late.” He finally let go of his older sibling and stepped back. “Fine. Jerk.” “Bitch.” Dean countered with a smile.

Turning to go back to his room, Sam was stopped by Dean just before he could leave the kitchen. “Sammy?” He turned around to look at his brother once more. “I’m happy to have you too.” The statement caused a smile to spread across the younger boy’s face and he couldn’t help but remember how lucky he was to have Dean. “Good. Just don’t be too loud now, people are trying to sleep here.” Sam said with a grin before slipping into his room and closing the door behind him.

He had almost fallen asleep as he heard the clattering of a bottle on the kitchen floor. “Seriously Dean…” He grumbled to himself and turned to his other side, closing his eyes again. The clattering was followed by a heavy thud and Sam sat up in his bed. “Dean?” He asked into the dark, unsure what was going on. Sleepily he fumbled for his phone and turned it on, the bright screen illuminating his room. “Dean?” Sam tried again, a little louder this time. As he got no response he got out of bed and stepped into the hallway, calling for his brother again. “Dean, come on this isn’t funny.”

He stepped into the kitchen and the first thing he saw was his brother’s favorite beer, spilling out onto the tiled floor. “What the…?” Sam did not get to finish his sentence before he spotted his brother, lying on the floor, passed out. “Oh fuck, Dean?!” Sam ran over to his brother, pressing two fingers against his main artery to look for a pulse. Fear flooded through him as he could not find one and he picked up his phone to call 911. He gave them his address and described the situation, trying to stay as calm as possible. After he hung up he tried to turn Dean onto his back but his brother was heavier than he looked and Sam started to panic as he still could not find a pulse. “Dean? Oh god Dean, please wake up!” He tried shaking his brother before picking up his phone again and calling Bobby. “Bobby? You need to come quick, Dean is passed out, I think he…” Sam couldn’t finish his sentence as a sharp pain pierced right through his chest. He clutched his hand over his heart and dropped the phone, gasping in pain. His vision started getting blurry as the pain seemed to spread throughout his entire body. The last thing he heard before everything went black was Bobby at the other end of the line, asking him what was going on.

______________

Dean opened his eyes to an artificially illuminated, white room. He registered he was lying in a bed, but he couldn’t make out his surroundings, his vision was weirdly blurry. He tried to sit up but his body felt incredibly heavy and there was a dull pain right behind his forehead. Dean wanted to ask where he was and he didn’t remember what happened but he couldn’t get his mouth to open. He was so damn tired. He closed his eyes again and drifted back into unconsciousness.

Sam woke up under the same circumstances. It took him a moment to remember what happened right before he passed out; all the pain seemed to be gone now. “Dean?” He tried to sit up, only to realize restraints were tying him to the bed. He pulled them as hard as his worn out body would allow right now and closed his eyes as they didn’t budge. “Crap.” He mumbled to himself before scanning the room. There was a heart monitor next to the bed, but other than that the windowless room was entirely empty. His flannel pajama pants looked out of place in the white room.

“Hello!” Sam shouted, hoping that someone was around to get him out of here. He had to find his brother and he did not understand why he was tied up in the first place. “Anybody? Let me out of here!” Sam tried pulling his restraints again, but stopped as he heard his door open. “Sam. You can’t be awake yet.” The boy that walked in was around Sam’s age. He had dark hair and even though his smile was warm and comforting, Sam felt impossibly vulnerable as he walked towards his bed. “Who are you? How do you know my name? Please just let me find my brother, is he here? Is Dean here?” The boy’s smile was apologetic and Sam noticed the syringe he pulled out of his white coat. “Don’t worry, Sam, you and your brother are safe here. I’m sorry but you need to go back to sleep now.” Sam felt the syringe poke him before he could even comprehend what was going on. “No, please. What are you doing to me? Just let me go, what do you want from me?” Sam felt the sedative spread through his body and suddenly his tongue was too heavy to continue speaking. His limbs stopped reacting, and even though he tried to fight it, it only took half a minute before he drifted off to sleep.

Dean did not wake up again until the next day. He had been injected with a strong sedative and his head was swimming as he gained consciousness for the second time. His stomach did not appreciate him trying to sit up and before he knew it, his head was hanging off the edge of his bed and he was throwing up right onto the dark, wooden floor. He could not stop retching for another minute, even after there was nothing left to throw up and he placed one hand on his bedside table to steady himself. Carefully, as not to upset his stomach again, Dean lay back against the pillows and closed his eyes, trying to force the room to stop spinning.

He could not remember how he got here, all he knew was that he had suddenly been in a lot of pain and his legs had given in beneath him as his vision blurred. He did not even remember hitting the floor. The only source of light in the room was the sun, shining brightly though a window on his left side. It had been night when he came home from work and Dean realized quite some time must have passed since the incident in the kitchen. Despite knowing better, Dean sat up and swung his legs out his bed in one swift movement. He fought the urge to throw up again and closed his eyes before pushing himself off his bed, careful not to place his bare feet into his own vomit. It was only now that he realized he was not wearing the clothes he had been wearing for work. The t-shirt he wore was one of his dark undershirts and the checkered pajama he had been put in were not even his, but Sam’s. He did not like the idea that somebody had undressed and redressed him while he was unconscious but he had more pressing matters to take care of now.

With careful and somewhat unsteady steps he made his way to one of the three doors, opening it to find a small walk in closet, filled with what looked like all the clothes from his wardrobe at home. Even the hamper with his dirty laundry had been placed into one of the corners. “What the hell?” He turned around and looked around the room. It was small and reminded him of a motel room. The walls were plain white and the bed reminded him of his own, only the wooden frame was darker and matched the floor. Even the bedsheets were his own. He walked over to the nightstand, feeling less dizzy with every moment, and picked up the picture frame that was standing on it. Sammy’s birthday present.  
Dean nearly dropped the picture and spun around as one of the doors opened. His legs tried to give in beneath him because of the sudden movement but he was determined to show strength to whoever it might be that had brought him here. This was not a hospital, there was no medical stuff around and a hospital would not have brought his things along. The man that entered the room looked genuinely surprised as he saw Dean standing by his bed. “I was told you would not be awake yet.” The stranger mustered him with strikingly blue eyes. “I think it would be best if you sat down, your body needs to recover from the sedatives and the transport. It has been an eventful night.” Even though the man’s voice was deep and calming, Dean felt on edge.

“Where am I? Who are you?” The man’s gaze was intense and Dean had to fight the urge to step back. Dean felt intimidated by the pure power the man seemed to emit. “I’m sure you have a lot of questions but please sit down first. It is in nobody’s interest if you pass out and hurt yourself. Again.” Dean frowned and sat down on his bed reluctantly. If he wanted to have a chance to get out of here any time soon he would have to recover as quickly as possible. He held the man’s gaze and waited for him to start talking. Instead, the man took his time, the door falling closed behind him as he fully stepped into the room. Dean let out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding as they finally broke eye contact. “My name is Castiel. I was assigned to mentor you and I am here to answer every question you might have. Right now you are at a facility that helps people like us take control of our powers. You and your brother are safe here. It is not unusual that Sam has had his breakout already so you don’t have to worry about that, he is safe in the next room.”

Dean leaned forward with a frown, not understanding what Castiel was talking about. He did not know which part of the man’s statement confused him most, and it took him a moment to realize what Castiel had just said. “What do you mean, Sam had an breakout? Is he okay? I need to see him.”

“Like I said, it is not unusual. With your family’s history we expected you to have your breakout much sooner as well. Your blood is very powerful and once we have confirmed that your gift is not dangerous for yourself or others, you can see your brother.” Castiel looked so serious as he talked that Dean was not sure whether he was going crazy and hallucinating things, or if his head was just messed up from the drugs. Dean opened his mouth, but his brain was so full of questions that nothing came out. “You look confused. Is something unclear?” Castiel’s eyes mustered Dean worried as he cocked his head slightly to the side with one eyebrow raised.

“What are you even talking about? My… gift?” Dean frowned at the sound of it, almost convinced the man was a about to crack up and tell him this was all a joke. A very bad one, that is. “You inherited the Gene from your father. The pain that you felt before you passed out in your kitchen, that was your body adjusting to the sudden breakout of your gift. Your parents did not prepare you for this moment?” Castiel still looked absolutely serious and Dean was starting to consider that he had gone insane. “You don’t know what I am talking about, do you?” Castiel’s face mirrored the confusion that Dean was feeling. “There are some people on this earth that have something we refer to as “the Gene”. The Gene is a mutation that is passed on along the male members of a bloodline. It allows your body to do things that other people cannot do. Here we all have special abilities.” Dean watched wide eyed as Castiel’s feet left the ground and the man started hovering about 3 inches off the floor.

“Oh.” Dean could not come up with a better response as he still had trouble believing what was happening. “So… I can fly?” He said, part of him still hoping that this was just a joke and Sam would come in any minute now, laughing and pointing out the hidden camera . Castiel lifted one of the corners of his mouth in what could be described as the first time he smiled since he entered the room.

“No, I can fly. Every gift is different. Mine comes with a variety of different powers, one of them being the ability to fly. Since you had your breakout and even passed out from it, it is certain that you have powerful abilities, we just need to figure out what they are. Since you have not learned how to control what you can do, it should not take long before you use your gift by accident. It is my job to make sure nobody gets hurt in the process. If you want, we could try to help things along so that I can show you around your new home.” Dean did not like the sound of that. “My new home? I don’t know what I did to deserve being brought into this nuthouse, but this is not my new home. I am not going to stay here and I certainly don’t have any powers. I don’t know how you did your floaty thing, but if you are telling the truth and Sam is here, I am going to find him and then we are both out of here.”

“Dean.” The intensity of Castiel’s stare made Dean want to sink into his pillows and take back everything he just said. “As I already said, you cannot leave this room until we know that you are not going to endanger anyone. I don’t know why your parents kept this a secret from you, but the Gene is real. Your father had it and he passed it on to you. You have to stay here for a minimum of two weeks after we figured out your gift. We cannot risk you endangering civilians.” Deans anger prevailed over his intimidation and he jumped off the bed again. “My father was a drunk and an ass. He did not have any gift and neither do I. This is insane. I will go to find my brother now.” He said and stormed to the door, only to find Castiel right in front of him. He stumbled back as he bumped into the man and watched with wide eyes as Castiel started to glow from the inside. His whole body emitted a white light that was so bright, Dean had to fight the urge to avert his eyes. “I said you cannot leave this room.” Castiel’s voice was calm, but threatening and Dean involuntarily took a step back and watched in awe as the man’s shadow unfolded two giant wings that spread out across the whole white wall behind him. It was then that Dean was convinced this could not be a joke, everything looked too real. He would have to accept that maybe his image of the world was wrong and that there was something bigger and better than humanity. And apparently, Dean was a part of it. Dean had always been a fan of superhero movies and if this was to be his new reality he just hoped his superpower was something cool. “Alright then. How do we find out what I can do?”


	2. Gifted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we find out what the boys can do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, chapter two. If you enjoy it, I'd be very happy about comments and Kudos!

Castiel had noticed the vomit on the floor the second he walked in. He had seen many people be brought in during his time here. Whatever sedatives they used, they were strong and they knocked some people out for up to three days. Therefore he was very surprised when he found Dean up and about in his room.

He had always been a little nervous meeting new people and when Chuck gave him the task to mentor the new guy, he had been less than thrilled.

Of course, he had heard all the rumors about the Winchester boys. Two powerful bloodlines combined, they were certain to develop extraordinary powers. Samuel Campbell, their maternal grandfather, was known as the first and only man who ever developed more than one power. The Winchester family on the other hand was not known for their special gifts, but rather for the fact that there was not one male member of the family that did not inherit some sort of gift.

It came as a surprise to Castiel that John Winchester had not prepared his son for what was inevitably going to happen at some point. Yes, there always was the possibility that the Gene skipped a generation, but given the Winchester family’s history one would expect that John knew this wouldn’t be the case with Sam and Dean.

Both men had been lucky that any potential Gifted was watched closely by the Institute and that they had been brought in before something bad happened. From what Castiel had heard, Sam’s gift had shown itself during the transport and the boy had already caused some trouble before he even arrived.

Now he was mentor for the older brother, who had not shown any signs of a gift yet. He couldn’t help but notice how attractive the other man was, and again, he cursed Chuck for giving him this task. Castiel had already been nervous to begin with, but now he was full on terrified of embarrassing himself.

Castiel had tried to keep the conversation as matter-of-factly as possible as though not to show his nerves, but he knew he could not let Dean leave this room yet. Even though some gifts could not even be confined by the walls of a room, it was safer this way if Dean got angry and his gift slashed out.

Castiel used his wings to be fast enough to block Deans way and showed the other a part of the energy that inherited his body. He did not mean to let his wings cast a shadow, but most of the time he spent all of his energy on concealing them from any other person’s view and touch. Now, using his energy to prove that he was telling the truth was impossible without letting them show in some way.

The look on Deans face made Castiel feel self-conscious again, clearly he had overdone it. It was not his intention to intimidate the other, he imagined that mentoring him would be much easier if Dean was not afraid of him. He let the flow of energy cease and it was a relief to hide his wings away again.

Ever since he had been old enough to realize why his parents hid him away in the Institute, Castiel felt ashamed of his real appearance. He was the only Gifted with a physical mutation in addition to his actual gift. After he had been born with corporeal, black wings, his parents were forced to give him to the Institute because he was not suited to live a civil life.

Even after he had learned how to conceal them, Castiel did not want to leave the premises of the Institute, certain he would make a mistake and reveal his mutation to everyone. The knowledge that he would not only endanger himself but also every other Gifted was enough to keep him in the Institute.

Castiel’s mind was already spinning, trying to come up with a way to calm Dean down. He did not realize that he had not upset the man until he processed Deans words. “Alright then, how do we find out what I can do?”

Castiel blinked at Dean, surprised by the sudden change of attitude. He tried to recall his first lessons, but because he had grown up at the Institute he barely even remembered them. Castiel thought to himself that Chuck could not have chosen someone less suited for this job. He dared to risk stepping closer to Dean as he did not seem to pose an imminent threat.

“As I said, every gift is different. The light that you saw, that is part of my gift. I can feel the energy inside me, flowing through my blood. I had to train not to let some out at all times. After I had my breakout, I was a walking light bulb for almost 2 weeks. Now I don’t even have to focus anymore, I have trained my body to channel it elsewhere. Other people have to focus in order to conjure their gift, I think it is most likely that this will be the case with you, otherwise you would have released your powers already. Sometimes it takes time until you stumble upon your gift by accident. Right now, the only things I can recommend are yoga and meditation to help you find your balance and help you focus.”

Castiel interrupted himself as Dean scoffed. “Yoga? Seriously man, all due respect but that ain’t happening.” Castiel nodded as the younger man reacted as expected. “Fair enough. Shall we start with a tour then? You don’t seem to be dangerous and I believe if we leave now we can -“

Again, Castiel interrupted himself as the room suddenly went dark. His gaze wandered to the window, where the sun had been shining brightly mere seconds ago. Now it was hidden behind dark clouds and heavy raindrops started pouring down, soaking everyone that happened to be unlucky enough to be outside at the moment. The temperature in the room dropped by several degrees and Castiel watched fascinated as a lightning strike hit the nearest palm tree. This could only mean one thing.

“Your brother is awake.” He said, stepping next to Dean, joining him at the window to watch the storm. Loud thunder rumbled, lightning illuminating Deans face as he looked at Castiel, who was suddenly very aware of how close he was to Dean.

It was the first time Castiel was this close to Dean and he was reminded how attractive the other man was. His features were delicate, but somehow rough at the same time. Freckles splayed across his cheeks and when Castiel looked from his full lips, up into Dean’s green eyes, he knew he was screwed. Not only had he not registered a word of what Dean just said, he also felt a flutter in his stomach that was entirely inappropriate in this situation, given the fact that he barely even knew the man.

“What do you mean, my brother is awake? What the hell is going on?” Dean looked at Castiel who just stared back at him blankly. “Castiel? What the hell is going on.” Dean tried his best not to get annoyed with the other man as Castiel just blinked and stepped back a bit.

Dean was still waiting for an answer as the door suddenly flew open with a gush of wind and Sam stormed in. The temperature dropped even more and Dean shivered slightly as the room was suddenly too cold to be only wearing a t-shirt and pajama pants.

“Dean.” Sam looked disheveled, his hair standing in all directions and still wearing his pajamas. He strode through the room with long steps and before Dean knew it he was pulled into a tight hug. “I thought something bad might have happened to you. Are you okay? You look okay.”

Sam sounded genuinely upset as Dean tried to wriggle his way out of his brothers arms. “I’m fine Sammy, you’re gonna have to calm down, it’s freezing in here.” Dean stepped back as Sam finally released him and looked at Sam.

“I’m fine, you’re fine, there is no need to be upset.” Sam looked around with a frown, but a quick glance out the window proved that Dean’s attempt to calm Sam down was working. The storm outside ceased and Dean started to relax a little as the temperature went back to normal.

“I’m sorry, Cas. He just ran out on me, didn’t even give me time to talk to him.” Dean hadn’t noticed the boy that was standing in the door. He was about Sam’s age, had black hair and looked even more disheveled than Sam. “Don’t worry about it, Kevin. It seems like bringing him to his brother was the best way to calm him down anyway.”

“He sedated me and tied me up!” Sam’s accusation was underlined by loud thunder and Dean couldn’t help but chuckle. Of course Sam would have powers that only enforced his dramatic nature. Sam’s head snapped around and he glared at Dean. “It’s is not funny. I was scared for you!”

“Don’t be such a drama queen, Sammy. Everything is fine now.” Sam crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked out the window where the last clouds were slowly disappearing. Even though Sam was no longer looking at him, Dean could practically feel his bitch face.

Castiel was impressed by the strong bond that the Winchesters were displaying. It had only taken Dean a few moments to calm his brother down completely, something that only sedatives had achieved up until now. Castiel watched as the older brother explained what was going on and why they were here, content with the amount of information Dean had picked up from their somewhat short conversation.

Sam still had not turned back to look at them when Dean finished and Castiel watched as Dean placed a hand on Sam’s shoulder. “Just roll with it, man. I think it’s for the best.” As optimistic as Dean sounded, Sam did not seem happy at all as he finally looked at his brother.

“What about our lives? I have school on Monday, you have work. How am I supposed to explain this to my friends? I can’t just send a group text saying ‘Hey, I inherited some magic Gene and now I have to learn how to properly control the weather, see you in a few days.’ They’ll think I’m crazy.” It was true, in some way Castiel was lucky, not knowing a life outside of the Institute.

“I’m sorry, Sam. You cannot tell anybody about this. We told your school that you will be sick for at least the next two weeks, I suggest you tell your friends the same. For now I think we could just show you two around a little? You’ll see, this place is not as bad as it may seem now.” Castiel tried to give a reassuring smile but Sam just frowned at him and shook his head.

“Dean can do whatever he wants. I’ll just go to my room. Alone.” He said, glaring at Kevin before leaving the room just as quickly as he had entered. “Teenagers, man.” Dean sounded apologetic as he made his way to the wardrobe. “Don’t worry, he’ll come around.”

Kevin opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but closed it again, staring at Dean. Castiel waited for the boy to leave as there was no other reason for him to be here, but Kevin did not move, even as Dean went to the bathroom to change.

“Spit it out, Kevin.” Castiel said with a smile, it was quite obvious to him what the boy had on his mind. “Sorry, Cas. I was just wondering if you already found out what Dean’s gift is? Sam seems to confirm all the rumors, he is quite strong and now I’m just really wondering what his older brother can do.”

“We do not know yet. You are right though, his gift should be extraordinary, therefore I doubt it will take long before we find out what it is. Don’t worry, I am sure Sam and you as Sam’s mentor will be the first to know. Now go find someone to clean this mess up.” Castiel said with a glance to the vomit that was still next to the bed. Kevin smiled, satisfied with Castiel’s answer and gave a short nod before leaving the room.

Luckily, Dean found his toothbrush and toothpaste in the bathroom. He took the time to brush the disgusting taste out of his mouth. He was still not feeling at his best, but at least now he did not feel gross anymore.

It took Dean forever to change into his regular clothes. A great time he spent in the bathroom he was just starting at his own reflection in the mirror. His hands clutched both sides of the sink tightly as he studied his own face. In the past few hours his whole life had changed drastically.

He had passed out in his kitchen, only to wake up in a strange place filled with his own things. His brother had also been taken, both of them heavily sedated. Dean hated the thought that Sam had woken up alone and scared.

He couldn’t even begin to comprehend what Castiel had tried to tell him. He had seen things today that were absolutely impossible. His own brother seemed to somehow have control over the weather and, according to Castiel, Dean also had some hidden talent that was yet to be determined. It was impossible, yet Dean even felt different. His whole body felt strange. It was like all his muscles were straining and it might have just been the sedatives but Dean could feel the change that his body had gone through. His breakout, or whatever Castiel had called it.

Still, it was only his own reflection staring back at him in the mirror. The same green eyes, the same facial features. With a small sigh Dean turned to put on his shirt as his eye was caught by something on his shoulder. Actually, rather by something that was no longer on his shoulder. He took a step back so he could see more of his torso in the mirror, incredulously touching the spot where his scar used to be.

He had worn it ever since that horrible night his father had slashed out at him with a broken bottle. Dean had only been seven years old at the time and he could not recall what it was that had his father so infuriated and he did not remember much of the trip to the hospital either. Still, the scar had been a constant reminder of what kind of person his father had become after their mothers death.

Now that it was gone, Dean felt like a part of him was missing. His fingers traced the now smooth skin and he frowned to himself. The scar had been a constant, painful reminder of everything that had been taken from him far too early, but it had also been proof that Dean was strong. He had survived an abusive, alcoholic father. Whenever Dean felt sad, especially in his younger years, the scar had been there to remind him that things could be worse.

Dean flinched at the knock at the door. “Dean.” Castiel’s voice was barely muffled by the thin wood and the way he said his name was as deep and intense as ever. “Are you alright in there?” Dean scrambled to pull on his undershirt and threw on his plaid button up before opening the door. “I’m good to go.” He said, sounding more confident than he felt.

“I was wondering. What exactly happens during a breakout?” He tried to sound casual but he had to know if scars disappearing was normal. If it wasn’t, it could be a hint at what his gift was.

“I am not a doctor, so I’m afraid I can’t fully answer that question. I only know that the Gene affects the brain and body in a way that makes it possible for us to do things that other people cannot do. Some people have the Gene but never have a breakout. Some people don’t have a breakout until they are very old. Most of the time the breakout happens in someone’s mid-twenties. It can also be caused by situations of extreme stress, which is what happened to your brother. He thought he was losing you and that triggered his early breakout. A breakout is always painful because the body goes through a profound change in a very short amount of time. In your case it was so powerful that you passed out. So did Sam.”

Dean listened as Castiel talked and slowly nodded. “So that change our bodies go through, does that change the way we look? Say, remove old scars?” Castiel shook his head in response. “No, physical mutations are… Very rare. Why? Did your appearance change?” Castiel looked confused, tilting his head and studying Dean closely.

Every other person would have made Dean uncomfortable , staring at him so intensely. Not Castiel though. Dean held the eye contact and found himself admiring how blue the other man’s eyes were. There was no denying that Castiel was an attractive man and Dean had to force himself to look away in order to remember the conversation they were having.

“Yeah. I had a scar on my left shoulder. It’s just gone now.” Dean said after awkwardly clearing his throat. The silence that followed was long, as Castiel had to take a moment to gather his thoughts and then another to think about what this might mean. “Maybe that is your gift then. Your skin regenerates and therefore your scar is gone. Are there any other changes? Birthmarks that are gone, something like that.”

“Nothing that I know of, no. What does that mean, my skin regenerates?” Castiel gave a short shrug as Dean crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I guess that depends on how fast it regenerates but it could mean that your body takes less time to heal external wounds. Check the band aid on your arm. If my theory is correct, then there should be nothing under it.”

Dean pushed up his sleeves and checked both his arms. There was no band aid to be found. “There should be one. Where they injected the sedative.” Castiel stepped closer to Dean, right into his personal space and took both his wrists in his hands. He looked at Dean’s arms, not finding any wounds at all, only smooth skin. “It makes sense though. A wound that small might already have closed itself before they’d be able to put something on it.”

“Awesome.” It was the first time Dean really got to look at Castiel up close and he was momentarily distracted by the other man’s features. He was slightly shorter than Dean, probably slightly older too. His eyes reminded Dean of swimming in the ocean, head under water and looking up at the bright sun.

The way that he kept stepping into Deans personal space could have been irritating, but somehow Dean felt comfortable being this close to the other man. He had not noticed how handsome Castiel was. Mesmerized he watched as Castiel’s tongue darted out, tracing his lips in a gesture that might have been involuntary. Dean decided to interpret it as a sign, took a leap of faith and went in for a kiss.


	3. The Institute

“Awesome.” Dean sounded truly amazed and Castiel looked up into his face, only now noticing that Dean was staring at him. His heart was pounding in his chest and he was so close to Dean that he could feel the heat radiating from the other man’s body. Neither of them stepped back and even though only a few seconds passed, Castiel felt like they were looking at each other forever. He nervously licked his lips and Dean’s gaze dropped to Castiel’s mouth.

Castiel barely had time to close his eyes before Dean’s soft lips were pressed against his own. His brain momentarily stopped working and instead of kissing back, Castiel only let go of Dean’s wrists.

Immediately, Dean pulled back, wide eyes. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed…” Dean started and tried to step back, but Castiel was not about to let that happen. He pressed his lips back against Deans, one hand clutching Dean’s shirt to stop him from stepping away. He could feel Dean’s heart beat as the other man kissed him back, gently cupping Castiel’s face with one hand. Castiel relaxed into the kiss and let his instincts guide him. It started off slow as they explored and got to know each other. Eventually, Castiel’s lips parted and Dean took the invitation, sliding his tongue into Castiel’s mouth. Dean wrapped one strong arm around Castiel and pulled him even closer, their chests colliding. Castiel felt like all his life must have led up to this one, perfect moment. His hands moved along Dean’s muscular torso, one ending up in Dean’s hair, the other just resting on the other man’s shoulder. 

The kiss might have lasted only moments, or maybe hours, Castiel did not know. All he knew was that Dean pulled away way too soon. He pulled away, but not without teasingly nipping at Castiel’s bottom lip one last time. Castiel couldn’t help but feel embarrassed at the little, disappointed noise that slipped his lips. The feeling melted away under Dean’s warm smile and their lips found each other again. It was a short, sweet kiss and this time Castiel smiled back at Dean as they parted. “I think I am ready for that tour now.” Dean sounded as breathless as Castiel felt and he lingered for a moment, standing closely to Castiel before stepping away, still smiling happily.

“Yeah. Uh. Yeah that’s a good idea.” Dean couldn’t fight the smile that was spreading across his face and was glad Castiel looked as flustered as he felt. It was inexplicable to Dean, but kissing Castiel had been unlike anything he had ever experienced before. Even though they barely even knew each other, it felt right. Dean had to force himself to step back, feeling like they would not ever make it out of this room if he didn’t stop right there. As much as he wanted to stay and explore Castiel’s whole body, as much as he wanted to take things to the giant bed that was so conveniently close right now, Dean had to know what exactly he got himself into. The more he knew about this place, the sooner he would be able to go back to his old life. He felt a little bummed out that his own powers were nowhere near as cool as Sam’s, but at the same time he was relieved that he would not have to start doing yoga to be able to focus on controlling himself. 

They left the room and stepped into a long, well lit hallway. “This is the living area, behind all these doors are rooms similar to yours. This room next to yours is Sam’s. I think we should let Kevin try to get through to him. We can check on him later.” The way Castiel acted never ceased to amaze Dean. One second he was kissing him breathless and the next he was casually explaining facts as if nothing happened. “For now I suggest we go to the cafeteria, you must be starving.”

The only answer Castiel needed was the long rumble Dean’s stomach made in that moment. “Let’s go then.” Without waiting for any other response, he led Dean to the cafeteria where they were serving home made shepherds pie.

“Awesome.” Dean breathed while filling his plate, only now realizing how long it must have been since he last ate and how empty his stomach was. Castiel took a little food for himself and joined Dean at one of the tables. He was not particularly hungry at the moment but he did not want to make Dean eat alone.

“They always serve food here. Many gifts use up so much energy that we have to maintain a high calorie intake.” Castiel explained as Dean dove right in, stuffing his mouth with food. “Who cooks all this?” He asked around his mouthful, a piece of food almost falling back out.

“Our speedster Adam used to be a chef before he had his breakout. He now uses his superspeed to cook for everyone. When he is off duty we have a few more people working the kitchen, but all they do is heat up what he prepared.” Castiel tried his best to ignore Dean’s bad table manners. He leaned back in his chair, amazed at how much food Dean tried to fit in his mouth at once. It was quite obvious how much Dean liked it, the sounds he made while eating were almost obscene. 

Castiel watched Dean eat, wondering how he could still be so attractive, even while behaving like a child. He barely knew the man, but still felt drawn to him. Sure, Dean was handsome, but it was so much more than that. Maybe it was those green eyes and the way Dean looked at him. For example, right now. Crap. 

“Why don’t you take a picture, it’ll last longer.” Dean said with a smirk. Castiel felt himself blush and quickly averted his eyes, embarrassed that he had been caught staring. He looked down at his plate and started eating, with much less enthusiasm than Dean. “You look cute when you blush.”

Castiel‘s head snapped back up and he looked right at Dean. “What?” 

“You look cute when you blush.” Dean repeated, still looking at Castiel with that same confident smirk. It was obvious that he was much more comfortable with the whole situation than Castiel. He was not used to getting compliments of any sort, especially not with that flirtatious tone of Dean’s. 

“Uh. Thanks, I guess.” Dean let out a little chuckle at Castiel’s almost dull response and continued eating his food. The silence that followed was not as awkward as Castiel had expected after his embarrassing behavior. On the contrary, it was quite pleasant to eat in Dean’s company, now that Dean had started eating like a normal person. 

“Is there dessert?” Dean broke the silence, pushing his empty plate from him. Disappointingly, Castiel shook his head. “Not this time of the day. Official dinner is at seven, there is a good possibility that they’ll serve dessert then.” 

“Awesome. What time is it now?” Dean asked, having lost all sense of time since his little trip here. For all he knew, it could be 10 in the morning.

“It’s quarter past 4. You slept for about 11 hours.” Even though Castiel never experienced it himself, he understood how weird the whole situation must be for Dean. Especially since John never prepared him for this. All things considered, Dean was acting extremely normal and seemed pretty relaxed. 

“You still must have many questions.” Castiel offered, hoping that explaining everything would make it easier for Dean to stay relaxed. 

Dean looked at him for a long time, trying to work out which of his many questions about this place was most important. “Can you just tell me about this place? I don’t really know where to begin.” He said as he failed to come up with anything better. 

“The Institute is a place for people like us, who are gifted. It is situated on an island in the Atlantic ocean. The American government thought it would be better for us to stay away from civilization because some gifts can get quite dangerous. Yes. The American government knows about this.” Castiel added as Dean looked at him with an eyebrow raised. “Actually, the mutations happened because governmental research centers experimented with the manipulation of human genes. We are their attempt at creating supersoldiers. The only reason we are not forced to fight their battles for them is that the Gene is rather random, and most of us do not have abilities suited for war.” 

Castiel paused and watched Dean as he let this new information sink in, Dean did not say anything, so he continued. “There are currently 27 Gifted and 7 civilians living here. Outsiders are not allowed, but you are free to contact your family and friends any time you like. You will find the Wi-Fi password on the desk in your room. The only rule that you absolutely have to follow is that you cannot tell anybody about what is going on. The government does not want to risk a mass panic.” 

“There are only 34 people on this island?” 

“That actually is quite a lot. People come and go, most of them only stay until they learned control.” 

“You seem pretty controlled to me.” Dean’s question stayed unspoken, but Castiel knew what he meant. He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms in front of his chest. He did not like explaining why he chose to stay on the island. No matter how many times he was asked this question, coming up with a suitable explanation was never easy. He was ashamed of his mutation and Castiel did not want Dean to be repelled by knowing his secret.

“I am not suited for civil life. My powers are too diverse to be fully controlled at all times. It is too risky.” 

Dean nodded, even though he was not sure he understood what Castiel was talking about. “I am sorry about that. How long have you been living here?”

“My whole life. I grew up here.” The statement shocked Dean. Castiel had spent his whole life cooped up on an island, probably never around more than 40 people. No wonder the guy was so weird at times, having worse mood swings than a lady on their period. He probably wasn’t used to so much human interaction.

“It’s fine, really. It’s quite peaceful most of the time.” Castiel tried to explain as he saw Dean’s expression. 

“Doesn’t it get quite lonely here? I mean, I assume that if the people constantly change it is hard to build friendships and stuff.”

Castiel smiled and shook his head. “I don’t need many people. I have a brother here. He is – Well, he is not fit for civilization either.”

“What does that even mean, not fit for civilization?” 

“Gabriel… He likes to use his Gift to trick people. He is an illusionist, can make you see and hear things that aren’t really there. If he were to ever leave this island, I am sure he’d expose us all in a matter of days.” 

Even though Gabriel could be a pain in the ass sometimes, Castiel did not harbor any bad feelings for his brother. He just knew it was best if Gabriel was not unleashed unto humanity.

“Huh. He has to show me that some time.” Dean said, again feeling like everyone else had way better powers than him. 

Castiel smiled and stood up. “Believe me, he will soon enough. Just don’t ask him for it, you’d become his new number one target.” 

Dean stood up as well and followed Castiel’s lead as he put away his tray. 

“So, where are we going now? I’ll just assume there is more to this island than one building with bedrooms and a cafeteria.” Dean looked at Castiel, who got nervous again as Dean was standing just a little too closely. 

“Of course. I could show you everything in less than two hours, it’s a rather small island. In fact, there is only four buildings. This building is the main building. It has living-rooms on two floors, this cafeteria, a hospital wing and a library. Then there is a gym and pool building, a convenience store and the cells. The door down this hallway leads right to the beach, which is quite nice because it is always hot on this island. There also is a whole lot of nature and a mountain that you should climb some time, it has the most amazing view.”

“The cells?” Dean asked, noticing how Castiel had tried to be extra casual about it. 

“Yes. The cells. They were built two years ago. They are like a small, high-tech prison that can hold up to four people at a time.” Dean nodded slowly and waited for further explanation as they walked down the hallway towards the exit.

“Okay. But why?”

“One day the government just sent some people and had it built. At first I assumed they just wanted to create another way to scare people into keeping this secret, but then they brought two new Gifted in. I’m not even sure if those are their real names, but they call themselves Alistair and Azazel. I think they are brothers. Apparently they killed 27 people together before they were caught and imprisoned. They then had their breakout in prison and had to be brought here. Their Gifts made it impossible for them to stay locked up in a regular prison.” 

“Whoa.” Dean didn’t know what to say, everything about this place was still very surreal to him. Finding out there were two serial killers here with him was just the tip of the iceberg. 

Castiel pushed the door open and they walked out, right into the sand. “There is no need to worry. As long as they stay where they are right now, they will never harm anyone, ever again.” 

“Let’s hope they don’t get out then, I guess.” Dean squinted his eyes, blinded by the glaring sun that was reflected by the white sand. Once his eyes adjusted to the light he looked around, amazed by the view. 

The sand beach was long and empty, apart from four men that were playing beach volleyball. There even were palm trees and Dean’s mood immediately improved as he inhaled the fresh air. “You were right, this is quite peaceful.” In response, Castiel gave him one of these rare smiles that Dean had grown to like. “You think this is peaceful? Wait till you see the mountain. It’s my favorite place here.”

“Let’s go then.” Dean said, taking off his flannel, already feeling too hot. They walked along the beach silently for a while, Castiel giving Dean time to take everything in. 

It was the most beautiful beach Dean had ever been to. The sand was white and clean. Unlike most other beaches, it was quiet, the only noise coming from the waves rolling ashore and the men playing volleyball. It was hot but not unbearably so, a nice summer breeze cooling the air down.


	4. The Mountain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas shows Dean his favorite place of the island, Dean enjoys the view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first time writing smut, I hope you enjoy it anyway. If you are not into that kind of thing and are here for the plot you can skip this chapter, the next one will continue with the storyline.

They made their way to the mountain in silence, Dean taking in the beautiful scenery. They walked along the long beach, away from the volleyball players. Dean was thankful for that, he did not feel like meeting new people right now.

Dean could already see where they were headed and was once again reminded that Castiel had never left this island before. The “mountain” was nothing more than a rock cliff, directly adjacent to the beach. The sun was burning down on them mercilessly and Dean felt sweat trickle down his back as they both stopped and looked up the cliff.

“Now, how do we get up there?” He had never been rock climbing and did not want to start today either, not in this heat.

“If we go around the side there is a path leading up top. Getting up there takes quite long though, I usually just fly.” Castiel said casually, still looking up.

“You can fly? That is so cool.” Dean said, stepping closer to Castiel. “Do you think you could fly both of us up there?” Castiel finally looked at Dean and grinned a bit at the thought of carrying Dean. “A bit lazy, are we?”

“I’m not, it’s way over 90 degrees out, it’s too hot to do hiking.” Dean said with a smirk on his face, wrapping his arms around Castiel’s middle, initiating the first physical contact since that kiss in Dean’s room. “Come on, just try. I promise I’ll hold on tight.”

It was Castiel’s turn to wrap his arms around Dean. He pulled him a little closer, holding him securely. “Close your eyes, Dean.” He watched as Dean closed his eyes and slowly unfolded his wings, using his energy to ensure Dean would not slip from his grasp.

Dean kept his eyes closed, even as he felt his feet leave the floor. He clung to Castiel’s surprisingly strong body, just like Castiel clung to him. A pleasant, tingling sensation spread though his body and for a second Dean felt weightless. He heard the fluttering of wings as they rose towards the edge of the cliff and opened his eyes just in time to see Castiel folding two giant black wings behind his back after he put him down. Dean widened his eyes, but in the blink of an eye the wings were gone, the only reminder of their existence being a distant rustle of feathers.

“Cas…” Dean started but soon realized words could not express what he felt in this moment. He was still feeling high on endorphins, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. Whether this was the normal reaction to flying or if it was due to being so close to Castiel, he did not know. He did not care too much either and before he knew it, his lips found Castiel’s.

Dean felt the surprised gasp that Castiel let out, but this time he did not pull back. He kissed him again, lips parted slightly, inviting Castiel to make the next move. Castiel did, sliding his tongue into Dean’s mouth. Dean’s hand slid up the back of Castiel’s neck, fingers tangling with the other man’s dark hair. He felt Castiel pulling him, guiding him away from the edge of the cliff. Following willingly, Dean soon pushed Castiel up against a solid rock wall. Somewhere in the back of his brain he registered that they were only on a ledge and the actual cliff was even higher, but all his other thoughts were focused on Castiel. Stepping against him, Dean closed the small gap between them, bodies melting into each other as if they were made for nothing but this.

Dean was surprised to find himself getting hard already and he was sure Castiel could feel it too as he placed one leg between Dean’s, pushing his thigh up against Dean’s crotch. Dean returned the favor, rubbing his leg against Castiel, feeling the other man’s length hardening against him.

Castiel’s brain stopped working the moment his back hit the wall. His whole mind was consumed by the intensity of the moment and all he could feel was Dean. Dean’s hands; one in his hair, one in the small of his back, pulling their hips closer together. Dean’s thigh, pushing against his growing erection, his own thigh pushed up against Dean’s. They were still kissing, breathless as they rubbed against each other like horny teenagers. Castiel slid his hands along Dean’s chest, his fingers finding Dean’s nipples and gently rubbing them through the fabric of his shirt. Dean let out a breathy moan and suddenly Castiel felt there were too many layers of clothes separating the two of them. He tugged at Dean’s shirt, breaking the kiss to try and pull it over Dean’s head. Dean helped him and tossed it to the side, taking a small step back to give room for Castiel to take his own shirt off. Dean watched with lust-blown eyes as Castiel revealed his body and Castiel hooked his fingers into Dean’s belt loops, pulling him close again.

Their lips crushed together in another needy, passionate kiss. Castiel felt Dean’s hands opening his belt and _holy shit this is happening_. Dean must have felt Castiel’s hesitation, he pulled back slightly and looked at Castiel intently. “Is this okay?” Dean sounded breathless and his eyes were filled with lust, but also sincere concern. Somehow Castiel knew that Dean would stop if he asked him to and the knowledge that Dean cared enough to ask sent another wave of want through Castiel. He didn’t trust his voice not to break so he simply nodded, looking into Dean’s green eyes before diving in for another kiss. Dean kicked off his shoes and Castiel mirrored the movement, his fingers fumbling to open Dean’s jeans.

Dean stopped Castiel’s hands and took them into his own, kissing him back almost gently. Castiel was practically quivering under Dean’s touch. Noticing how nervous Castiel was, Dean decided to slow things down a bit, to give him time to ease into the situation or maybe even back out of it. He teasingly nipped at Castiel’s bottom lip before ending the kiss, only to lower his mouth on Castiel’s neck. He placed soft kisses along the other man’s jawline and let his hands ran along Castiel’s chest, feeling the other man’s muscles twitching under his fingers. He mapped out Castiel’s upper body, making mental notes whenever Castiel’s breath hitched, remembering all his sensitive spots. He sucked and licked his way down to Castiel’s nipple, pleased with the sound Castiel made as he flicked his tongue over it. He continued playing with it until it was hard, then moved on to the other one, giving it the same treatment. Castiel was writhing under Dean’s administrations and ran one hand though Dean’s hair.

Castiel’s cock was almost painfully hard and trapped in his tight jeans. He momentarily forgot how to breathe as Dean sunk down to his knees in front of him. Castiel felt soft lips pressed to his stomach, right below his bellybutton. Once again there were fingers opening his pants and this time Castiel shook with anticipation, rather than nerves. Dean made quick work of it, pushing Castiel’s pants down and helping him step out of them. Castiel suppressed a moan and his eyes fluttered shut as he felt Dean’s hot breath against his erection that was barely contained by his boxer briefs. The feeling, combined with the visual of Dean on his knees, face only an inch away from Castiel’s throbbing cock almost made him come right there and then.

Dean inhaled Castiel’s masculine scent and looked up at him, determined to wait for permission. Castiel had his eyes closed, head leaned back and biting his lips in a failed attempt to mute the little sounds he was making. His hair looked messed up and his hands were clenched to fists by his side. It was too much, Dean couldn’t wait anymore. He wanted to taste him, wanted to find out what other sounds he could get Castiel to make. He mouthed at the head of Castiel’s cock through the thin boxers, right where pre-come had already created a damp spot. His hands ran up the back of Castiel’s thighs and he gripped his ass, eliciting a low moan from Castiel.

“Dean.” Castiel was on the verge of begging. His voice sounded unnaturally deep and his hips bucked, pressing his erection against Dean’s face. He had never experienced lust like this and he was certain that he would have to die if he did not find release soon. Way too slowly Dean hooked his fingers into the waistband of Castiel’s boxers and pulled them down, tossing them away after Castiel stepped out of them. He looked right at Castiel’s erection for a few moments and if Castiel’s face wouldn’t have been red with heat already, now would have been a good time to start blushing. The involuntary need to cover himself melted away as Dean finally, fucking finally, took Castiel’s cock in his hand.  
Dean moved his thumb over the cockhead, smearing the clear pre-come across it. His mouth watered at the sight of the perfect erection in front of him. He licked a line along the whole length before gently taking the head in his mouth, covering his teeth with his lips. Castiel tasted just as intoxicating as he smelled, salty and a little sweet at the same time. Dean flicked his tongue over Castiel’s glans as he moved his lips along the rigid shaft. His efforts were rewarded with a deep moan that sent pleasant tingles right into Dean’s groin. He had to palm at his own erection to relieve some of the pressure and moaned softly around the hard member in his mouth.

Dean’s moan sent vibrations through Castiel’s cock and he groaned, running one hand though Dean’s hair, the other still clutched to a tight fist next to his side. He was panting hard as the pleasure built in his body. He tried to fight for more control but he knew he would not last much longer, not with the expertise Dean was displaying. “Dean, I…” He tried to warn Dean but his voice betrayed him, he was too breathless to form a full sentence. All he could do was gasp at the pleasure Dean gave him. Both of Dean’s hands found their way back to Castiel’s ass and Castiel watched amazed as Dean took the whole length of his erection down his throat, burying his nose in the dark curls at the base of his cock. Dean held it there for a few seconds before pulling back, humming softly on his way up. Dean looked up into Castiel’s eyes and the pure lust Castiel saw in them was enough to send him right over the edge. He came with a voiceless shout, Dean moaning as he pulled at his hair. There was a low thud as Castiel banged his head against the rock wall, legs almost giving in under him as waves of pleasure rolled through him.

Dean tried to swallow everything that Castiel was giving him, but it was too much and some of it ran out of the corner of his mouth. He loved this, relished the feeling of the throbbing erection in his mouth, enjoyed the taste of Castiel’s hot cum. He licked and sucked Castiel’s cock until it was spent. Letting the softening member fall out of his mouth he looked up at Castiel, smiling content. His own cock was still painfully hard, but he forced himself not to do anything about it. Castiel’s behavior had given Dean the impression that Castiel might be a virgin, and if this was all Castiel was ready to do right now, Dean was fine with it. He did not want to push Castiel into moving too fast and doing something he might regret later.

Even though Dean did not consider himself a selfish lover, his own thought process surprised him. He cared enough for Castiel that he would be perfectly fine with jerking off in the shower later, even though his cock was screaming at him for attention right now. He slowly got up onto his feet, wincing a bit as his knees cracked, sore from kneeling on the hard ground for so long. Castiel opened his eyes and looked at Dean, looking so wrecked and satisfied, Dean felt a surge of pride. He loved knowing how good he had made Castiel feel. Castiel‘s gaze dropped down to Dean’s lips and he placed a hand on Dean’s cheek, his thumb slowly wiping off the stray come that had trickled down to his chin. Dean watched mesmerized as Castiel took his own thumb into his mouth and sucked the cum off of it.

Castiel watched Dean’s reaction intently, tasting his own cum. Dean’s eyes dropped to watch and Castiel could see the need in his eyes. He realized he had totally neglected Dean’s cock and felt impressed by the self control Dean was displaying. Castiel leaned forward and licked a thin line up Dean’s chin, cleaning up the last of his spilled seed. He gripped Dean’s crotch and swallowed Dean’s gasp, pressing his mouth against Dean’s. “We need to get these off of you.” Castiel said against Dean’s lips, tugging at Dean’s pants. Dean was happy to comply, undoing his pants and pushing down both boxers and jeans in one swift movement. Castiel watched as he stepped out of them and pulled Dean close again.  
Dean let out a strangled moan as he watched Castiel lick the palm of his hand before finally taking his long neglected erection into his hand and starting to stroke it. The movement was hesitant and somewhat clumsy but Dean closed his eyes as a surge of pleasure ran through his body. He needed to be closer to Castiel and kissed him again, desperate and filled with lust. He ran one of his hands through Castiel’s hair, placing the other over Castiel’s, helping him stroke his cock, hunting his own release. He groaned softly into Castiel’s mouth as Castiel sped up the pace of their hands, driving him so much closer to orgasm. “Oh fuck. Cas. Please don’t stop.” The pleasure of feeling Castiel come into his mouth had been enough to push him close to the edge and it did not take long before Dean came hard, cum spilling all over both their hands, Castiel’s name on his lips.

They stood like that for what felt like eternity, breathing into each other’s mouths. Castiel was still holding Dean’s softening cock, Dean’s arms were wrapped around Castiel’s neck, one hand lazily stroking through his hair. “That was unexpected.” Dean said, still standing close to Castiel, looking into his eyes with a smile on his face.

“But not unpleasant?” Castiel asked, having lost most of his confidence now that the heat of the moment was over. Dean’s smile was reassuring and Castiel felt soft lips pressed against his own before Dean stepped away to start getting dressed. “On the contrary. You were great.” Castiel was glad Dean had his back turned to him by now, he did not want him to see him blushing about this.

They used Dean’s flannel shirt to clean the cum off their hands and bodies before looking for their clothes and getting dressed. Castiel was buttoning up his pants as he felt Dean’s arms snake around him from behind. “You really were great, you know.” Castiel smiled and practically melted into Dean’s body as Dean’s soft lips were pressed against the crook of his neck.

“I wouldn’t know, I never did anything like this before.” Castiel said, confirming Dean’s earlier assumption. Dean smiled against Castiel’s skin and kissed his neck again, inhaling the other man’s scent.

“Well, I hope I made it a memorable experience for you, handsome.” Castiel blushed again and turned in Dean’s arms, kissing him gently. “Definitely. Thank you, Dean.”

Dean smiled brightly at Castiel, holding him close. “You were right, by the way. The view up here is amazing.” He said, not taking his eyes off Castiel. He watched as Castiel’s already rosy cheeks turned even redder and couldn’t hide his grin. “You really do look cute when you blush. You should get used to my compliments though. You’ll be hearing a lot more of them if you want to continue spending time together.”

“Would _you_ want that?” Castiel said, a glimmer of hope in his eyes.  
“Of course.” Dean said, kissing Castiel one last time before finally turning to look at the view. Castiel turned back around in Dean’s arms, leaning against his strong chest as they watched the sun go down over the water. He placed his hands over Dean’s, simply enjoying the feeling of being held by Dean.


	5. The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel fail to have dinner.

They stood in silence for several minutes before Dean announced he was getting hungry again. Castiel couldn’t help but smile at that, remembering how much Dean had eaten not more than two hours ago.

He turned around in Dean’s arms and looked him in the eyes, wrapping his arms securely around Dean’s torso. “Okay, let’s go then. Maybe we’re lucky and they serve whatever is for dinner early today. Ready?” Castiel asked, not giving Dean the opportunity to answer before he leaped backwards, using a part of his energy to pull Dean closer against him, forcing the other man to come with him. He grinned as Dean yelped surprised and clung tighter to him. “Cas!” Dean’s voice sounded almost panicked as they fell. Almost too late Castiel flared out his still invisible wings, slowing down their fall enough for them to land securely.

“Oh fuck.” Dean said, letting go of Castiel as soon as his feet touched the ground. He let out a relieved sigh and moved a hand through his hair, walking a few steps before turning around and looking up to where they had been standing mere seconds ago. “You can’t just do that, man! You scared me.” He said, laughing nervously as his heart was still pounding in his chest.

Castiel couldn’t help but laugh with him. “You should have seen your face. Hilarious.”

“I swear I almost had a heart attack.”

“I apologize for nothing.” Castiel said with a playful smile. Dean rolled his eyes at him but couldn’t stop himself from smiling back.

“Come on.” Castiel said, walking back towards the building.

“How did you do that anyway? I don’t think I understand what your gift is.” Dean said as they made their way back to the main building. By now Dean was almost certain he had seen actual wings earlier and he hoped to get Castiel talking about them.

“I do not understand my full potential yet either. I don’t know if I ever will. My body produces and releases energy at all times. Like I already said, at first I emitted a bright light. To stop that I had to learn to channel it elsewhere, which is what I am doing right now. Chuck, the master of this Institute, has a good understanding of gifts and how they work. He was the one who proposed the idea that my gift could be more than just shining a light, I just had to learn to control it. Up until now I can create light, heat and movement. The more I actively use it, the better I get.” Castiel explained, purposefully leaving out the part about his wings, still hoping Dean did not see them.

Dean looked at Castiel for a while, considering his options. He could pry further and risk upsetting Castiel, or he could wait and hope Castiel would open up to him on his own. He liked Castiel, a lot more than he should, and he was afraid Castiel could push him away if he was too nosey. On the other hand, Dean really needed to know what was going on and if he would start growing extra body parts at some point.

“Look, Cas.” Dean said, extending his hand to Castiel and smiling warmly as the other man locked fingers with him. “I don’t know what I saw earlier, but I definitely saw something. It looked like… Wings, maybe?” Castiel’s smile immediately vanished and the instant fear and shame in the other man’s eyes made Dean regret bringing it up.

“I… Uh…” Castiel stammered, trying to free his hand from Dean’s grip but Dean wouldn’t let him. Castiel realized he did not really want him to let go anyway, if Dean was still touching him it might mean he was not totally grossed out by him. They held eye contact for a few seconds and Castiel was relieved that what he saw in Dean’s eyes was not fear or disgust, it was genuine concern and wonder. “I… You-“

He couldn’t bring himself to say it. He had never said it out loud before. The only people who knew were the people that worked here and the Gifted that had been here long enough to know Castiel before he had learned to control it. Everybody knew not to talk about it, at least to his face. Gabriel had ensured that people treated Castiel normally, but in his younger years, before his brother came to help him, Castiel had taken a lot of shit from people who didn’t like that he was different.

“You don’t have to say it if you don’t want to. I just think you should know that I saw and that I really just want to understand.” Dean’s eyes reflected the sincerity of his words and Castiel visibly relaxed, giving a small nod. “Thank you, Dean.”

Dean smiled at him and they continued their way to the cafeteria, holding hands even when they entered the building. In fact, Dean did not let go of Castiel‘s hand until they entered the cafeteria, where several other people were already waiting for their food.

Dean scanned the room for his brother, but neither Sam nor Kevin were anywhere to be found. The few people that were here sat scattered across the room in groups of two or three, taking silently amongst themselves. “Looks like they are not serving yet. Let’s go sit while we wait.” Before Dean could reply, Castiel had already started walking to one of the occupied tables.

“Cassie!” Gabriel exclaimed as soon as he spotted the two men coming. Castiel rolled his eyes at the stupid nickname and pulled out a chair to sit down. “Guys, this is Dean.” He said after they both sat down next to each other. Dean awkwardly put the flannel that was a little crusty by now under his chair, hoping the other two wouldn’t question it. “Dean, this is my brother Gabriel and his girlfriend Meg. She works in the hospital wing.” Castiel continued explaining, not noticing that Dean wasn’t even looking at the people in front of him yet.

“Pleasure to meet you.” Dean sat up straight and looked at Meg with the same charming smile that he always wore when talking to an attractive woman. He didn’t even do it on purpose anymore, many years of trying to find casual hook-ups had conditioned him to behave like this. Meg smirked at him, giving him a once-over before moving closer to Gabriel, practically sitting on his lap now. “Why did you have to let you brother get this one? He looks delicious, we could have shared.” Dean raised an eyebrow at her words and looked at Gabriel, unsure if she was seriously offering what he thought she was offering.

“Not everybody is a toy for you to play with, kitten. Besides, judging by the state of Cassie’s neck, I think Dean-o here already had his fill. Good for you, brother, was about time.” Gabriel grinned at Castiel, whose face immediately turned red.

“Fuck off, Gabriel.” Castiel said and Dean turned to him, surprised by the strong language he would not have expected from him. He had to force himself not to smile at the red marks he had left along Castiel’s jawline earlier and felt his own face heat up as he noticed Meg was still staring at him with a predatory look in her eyes. Dean reached out for Castiel’s hand under the table and this time he couldn’t stop himself from smiling as Castiel visibly relaxed.

“My, my, is that the way you talk to your favorite brother, Cassie?” Gabriel continued to tease Castiel who just rolled his eyes at him. “At the moment you’re my least favorite brother.” Gabriel let out a shocked noise and dramatically touched his hand to his chest. “That stings. Especially because I’m your only brother.” His comment dripped with sarcasm and Meg let out a low chuckle.

“So tell me, Clarence. Are you going to share with us? I’ll even let you watch.” Dean still wasn’t sure if Meg was only saying this to tease Castiel even further or if she was being serious, but the look in her eyes seemed to confirm that she was, in fact, very serious. Castiel, who was obviously very uncomfortable with the whole situation said nothing, so Dean spoke up. “I am sorry, kitten, but I am a one-person-at-a-time kind of guy.” He dragged out the nickname, almost mocking it.

“Huh. Your loss.” Meg said, giving Dean one last look before pointedly leaning into Gabriel and kissing him possessively. Dean didn’t know where to look as Meg slid off her chair and into Gabriel’s lap, making a show of kissing him. He turned to Castiel, searching for help and smiled relieved as the other man got up. “Let’s go sit somewhere else. Get a room, you two.”

Neither Meg, nor Gabriel stopped what they were doing, even after Cas and Dean had found a new table.

“Sorry about that. My brother can be a bit of a handful sometimes.” Castiel said, settling down at another table, keeping his distance to everyone else this time. “Yeah, no kidding.” Dean said, looking back at the two of them, fully making out by now. Gabriel even had his hands under Meg’s shirt.

“They are quite cool once you get to know them.” Dean laughed at Castiel’s words and took his hand again, this time above the table. “You have to say that, he’s your brother.” Castiel smiled and shook his head, watching as Dean’s thumb circled the back of his hand. “No, they really are, they’d do everything for me. Meg once broke a guy’s arm because he laughed at my -” Castiel stopped, suddenly avoiding eye contact and pulling his hand out of Dean’s grip.

“Hey.” Dean’s voice was soft as he reached across the table to place his hand on Castiel’s again. “I won’t laugh at you, I promise.” Castiel looked up into Dean’s eyes and wondered what he had done in his life to deserve meeting someone as perfect as Dean. Nobody had ever shown him the affection that Dean was showing him, nobody had ever cared as much as Dean seemed to care. Whenever Dean looked him in the eyes like this, Castiel felt like he was flying. Or perhaps he was falling and Dean was the only one who would catch him before he smashed on the ground. Maybe it was called “falling in love” for a reason.

“I want to show you something.” Castiel blurted out and stood up quickly, before he could change his mind. Dean looked up at him confused, not moving from his seat. “Come on, get up, I want to show you something.” Castiel said again, more firmly this time, looking at Dean with pleading eyes.

“But I thought we were going to…” … _have dinner_. The end of Dean’s sentence stayed unspoken as he realized what Cas was talking about and got up. “Okay, let’s go.” They made their way to the exit, but Castiel’s plan to take Dean to his room and show him his wings in their full form ended abruptly as Sam walked in.

“Dean! I need to show you something!” Sam looked excited and much happier than he was when Dean last saw him. Kevin, who was following closely, did not look happy at all. “Sam, I already told you it is too dangerous. What if something happens?” He urged, but Sam totally ignored him. “It’s so cool, Dean. I can finally control it. We need to go outside so I can show you.”

“Show him what?” Castiel asked carefully, knowing that whatever Sam was about to show Dean, Kevin was probably not exaggerating when he said it could be dangerous. “Let’s go, come on.” Sam said and gripped his brother by the arm, practically dragging him outside. “Come on.” Sam said again, impatient as his brother didn’t follow as quickly as he would like him to.

“For gods sake Sam, let go of me!” Dean exclaimed, annoyed with his little brother. He stopped walking as soon as they got outside and freed himself from his brother’s grip. “Jesus, Sammy. What the fuck are you doing?” He asked, rubbing his arm where Sam had gripped him too tightly.

“Sorry, I’m just so happy, we’ll get to go home, I can control it.” Sam said, still as excited as ever and held out his left hand, balled to a fist. “Sam, don’t!” Kevin, who had followed the two of them with Castiel tried to stop Sam, but had to come to halt himself as small flashes of lighting appeared around Sam’s extended fist. Dark clouds rolled closer, quickly taking up all the sky above them. “I don’t have to be upset anymore, I can just –“ Sam opened his hand and immediately rain started pouring down on them.

Dean looked up into the sky amazed, laughing with his younger brother, suddenly also feeling excited for him. “That is so awesome, Sammy.” He looked over at his brother who was standing in the rain, laughing and looking at his hand that was still surrounded by a mini lightning storm. “I think I don’t even have to be outside to do this, I just didn’t want to damage anything.” Sam spoke and the happier he felt, the more the lightnings that surrounded his hand grew bigger, one of them striking the floor by his feet. “Alright, Sammy, enough.” Dean said, stepping back a bit as the lightning storm almost hit him. “Sammy.” He repeated firmly, and Sam frowned, looking at his hand. “Dean, I can’t – I can’t stop.” His eyes showed the sudden change of emotions he was experiencing in this moment and loud thunder made all four men flinch. “Sam, you need to calm down. You’re fine. Just stay calm.” Kevin carefully walked closer to Sam and placed one hand onto Sam’s right shoulder, hoping it would help him relax. Instead, Sam flinched and one big lighting strike went from his hand, right into Dean’s chest.

“Dean!” Castiel dropped to his knees next to Dean who was lying on the floor, body shaking with the electric currency flowing through him. The rain and lightning immediately stopped as Sam stood in shock, watching his brother clutching one hand to his chest, fighting to breathe. “Oh my god, Dean!” Sam took Dean’s hand and watched in horror as Dean’s body suddenly went limp, eyes closed and head rolling to the side.

He fell to his knees next to Castiel and pulled his brother’s head into his lap. “Dean? He’s not breathing! Oh god Dean, I’m so sorry, please wake up.” He shook the lifeless body in his arms, tears welling in his eyes. “Come on Dean, it’s okay. Open your eyes, you’re fine. You’ll be fine. Please, I didn’t –“ Sam was interrupted as Dean’s body suddenly tensed up again and his brother rolled off his lap, coughing violently and gasping for air.

“Dean.” Sam looked up at Castiel who had taken Dean’s hand, noticing how pale the other man suddenly looked. “You’re okay. Breathe, Dean. That’s it, very good.” Castiel kept praising Dean calmly while he recovered, clutching onto Castiel’s hand as if it was the only thing keeping him alive. And maybe it was. Sam sat back on his heels, putting a little distance between Dean and himself. He had almost killed his brother. Hell, for a moment he had been certain that he did kill him.

Finally, Dean started to relax and stopped coughing. He rolled onto his back with a pained groan and brought one hand up to his shirt. Hissing in pain he carefully pulled the partially burned fabric away from his skin, revealing second or maybe even third degree burns. “Oh crap. Dean, I’m so sorry. We need to get help, can you get up?” Sam was right next to him, trying to help him get up, but Dean pulled away, wincing at the stinging pain the movement caused. “Don’t touch me.” His voice sounded hoarse and he coughed again, closing his eyes. “I’ll be fine, just give it a moment.” He rested his head in the sand, eyes still closed, visibly relaxing as the pain already started to cease.

“Dean, I don’t think your healing is that good. You almost died, we have to get help.” Castiel said, genuinely concerned with Dean’s wellbeing. He looked at Dean, noticing how the other man slowly started relaxing. Amazed, Castiel watched as the blisters on Dean’s chest already started to shrink slowly. Just as Dean sat up on his own, Kevin came running with Meg who looked slightly disheveled and was carrying a bag of medical utensils. Castiel had to admit he didn’t even notice Kevin leaving, but he was grateful that someone was here to help.

Kneeling next to Castiel, Meg took out a pair of scissors and tried to take the hem of Dean’s shirt to cut it open, but Dean squirmed away. “Seriously, I’ll be fine. Just leave me be.” “Shut up and lie down. Let me do my work.” Dean tried to object again, but Meg just glared at him and raised her scissors in an almost threatening manner, causing Dean to close his mouth and do as he was told. He looked down at his own chest as Meg cut his shirt open and carefully peeled the fabric off his burnt chest.

“Didn’t you say he was struck by a lot of electricity? As in high voltage over a prolonged period of time?” Meg asked incredulously, looking at Kevin. “Yes. Sam hit him with a lightning bolt, it looked like his muscles were spasming for several seconds.” Meg looked back at Dean with a frown, mustering the small blisters on his chest. “He couldn’t have survived that, his heart would have given out. And electricity that high causes third degree burns. This is only a second degree burn, and not a very severe one either.” She poked one of her fingernails into one of the bigger blisters and Dean hissed in pain as it popped, leaking a clear fluid onto his chest. “What the hell?” He exclaimed, moving away from Meg. “That’s for interrupting me and Gabriel for no reason at all. Put some antibiotic cream on that and you’ll be fine in a week or so.” Meg gracefully stood up and brushed the sand off her clothes as she turned to leave. Just before she entered the building she turned around one last time. “My offer still stands, Dean. You’re invited too, pretty boy.” Meg said and winked at Sam, chuckling suggestively before disappearing into the building.

“Dean, I am so sorry, I thought I could control it.” Sam tried again, but Dean just gave a tired smile. “It’s okay, really. As you see, I’ll be fine.” He said, motioning to his chest where the last tiny blisters were slowly disappearing, leaving only smooth, bright red skin.


	6. Wings

_“Dean, I am so sorry, I thought I could control it.” Sam tried again, but Dean just gave a tired smile. “It’s okay, really. As you see, I’ll be fine.” He said, motioning to his chest where the last tiny blisters were slowly disappearing, leaving only smooth but bright red skin_.

“That is such a cool gift, I wish I could do that.” Kevin exclaimed, staring at Dean shamelessly, watching as even the bright red slowly faded, leaving only Dean’s normal, perfectly healthy skin. Dean smiled at that, remembering how he had thought the same thing about every gift he had encountered so far. “Why, what is your gift?”

Kevin looked at his face, finally tearing his eyes from Dean’s naked chest, suddenly feeling weird for looking at it since there was nothing to see anymore. “It is a bit complicated. Basically, whenever I read or hear a language, any language at all, I can understand it. I can’t speak it myself, I just intuitively know what other people are saying and I can read texts in every language without ever having to learn the language itself.”

Dean nodded, impressed. “That’s neat. Bet that comes in handy a lot. Why are you still here then, that doesn’t sound like something you have to learn to control?” Kevin smiled and shrugged. “I like it here. It’s peaceful and I can focus on college. After I finished my online diploma, I’ll work on my PhD, then I’ll leave here and become the first Asian American president of the United States.” Kevin said very matter-of-factly and smiled proudly.

Sam, who had been looking at his own hands, still shocked about what he had almost done, looked up surprised. “You’re studying already? I thought you said you were 18.”

Kevin nodded with a sheepish grin. “I came here shortly before I turned fifteen. Being here gave me time to focus on schoolwork and schoolwork only, there are not a lot of distractions. I had been home schooled anyway, so I brought my teacher along, studied with no breaks and had my high school diploma by the time I was sixteen.”

“Nice.” Sam said, genuinely impressed before turning to Dean again, still feeling concerned and guilty. He opened his mouth to say something, but Dean raised a hand to stop him. “I’m good. Seriously, no need to feel guilty.” Sam frowned, unsure how Dean could forgive him this easily. “I almost killed you.” Dean smiled at him with a shrug. “But am I dead?” He said cheerfully and let out a small sigh when Sam wouldn’t stop frowning. “Seriously, stop worrying about me, I feel good. Kevin.” He said firmly, and Kevin stepped closer, looking at him attentively. “You tell him more about that college thing of yours, take his mind off this.” Sam opened his mouth, trying to object but Dean shook his head and waved a hand. “Go.”

Dean watched as the two of them walked away, Sam already perking up a bit as they talked. Then he turned to Castiel who was still looking pale and who had been quiet during their whole exchange. “Are you okay, man?” Dean asked, placing a hand on Castiel’s arm. “For a second I really thought you were dead.” Castiel said, frowning deeply as he looked into Dean’s eyes. “I’m good. I really am, Cas.” Dean said, stepping away to pick up the remains of his shirt. “We now have another problem that’s much worse.” He said, turning back to Castiel, trying to be serious but breaking out into a smile as he saw Castiel’s concerned expression. “I forgot my other shirt in the cafeteria.”

It took Castiel a moment before he realized which shirt Dean was talking about. He couldn’t help grinning with Dean as he remembered what they had used it for. “Let’s just hope nobody found it yet.”

“What, you wouldn’t want your brother to find it?” Dean replied with a laugh, making his way back to the building, still shirtless. Castiel’s smile dropped and he made a face, imagining all the comments he would have to endure if that happened. “We better hurry.” He said, following Dean quickly.

Luckily enough, the shirt still was where Dean had left it and they made it back to Dean’s room without any more incidents.

“Crazy day, huh?” Dean said as he opened the door. Castiel nodded with a smile. “I swear, normally things are a lot more peaceful here.” “Doesn’t that get boring real quick?” Dean asked, leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed. Castiel shook his head in reply, standing in the hallway a little awkwardly. “Not really. The people are too interesting for it to get boring.”

“Yeah I can definitely see that.” Dean said with a smirk, and a playful glistening in his eyes. Castiel was suddenly very aware that Dean was not wearing a shirt. He had to force himself not to look away from Dean’s face as Dean reached out and pulled him closer by his arm. “Do you want to come inside?” Dean asked, and before Castiel had time to answer, soft lips were pressed against his own. He wrapped his arms around Dean’s middle and pulled him closer, feeling Dean’s heat radiating through the thin layer of fabric that was separating the two of them. “I think you should come inside.” Dean breathed against Castiel’s lips, pulling back a bit to look into the other man’s eyes.

_I shouldn’t. This is not how I imagined it_. It was better, so much better but at the same time Castiel was scared. Scared he would fall for Dean, scared it might already be too late. Scared they were moving too fast and it did not mean as much to Dean as it meant to Castiel. They had definitely long passed the point of friendship, but Castiel was not sure Dean felt the same attraction that he experienced. “Okay.” One look into Dean’s green eyes and Castiel’s mouth decided for him. Before he knew it, Dean had already pulled him inside and closed the door behind them.

Castiel leaned back against the door as Dean kissed him again, soft tingles running down his spine as Dean’s hands found their way under his shirt. He kissed back, but Dean noticed how tense Castiel was all of a sudden, so he pulled back a little. “We don’t have to go any further if you’re not comfortable, Cas.”

Dean’s smile was warm as he spoke, but Castiel felt embarrassed nevertheless. He avoided Dean’s gaze, blushing deeply. “I’m sorry, Dean.” He was acting like a stupid virgin all over again and Dean was so sweet, Castiel hated himself for chickening out of it. “No need to apologize. I get it.” Dean said and Castiel forced himself to look back at him. “How about we just watch a movie? I bet we could connect my laptop to the Wi-Fi.” Dean said, stepping away and walking over to the desk to pick up his laptop. Castiel nodded slowly as Dean looked at him again. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s a good idea.”

Dean’s warm smile turned into a tortured expression and he pressed one hand to his chest. “Oh.” Was all he said, suddenly looking pale and inhaling audibly, almost gasping for air. The laptop hit the floor hard as it slid through Dean’s fingers and he put his now free hand on the desk, face contorted in pain. Castiel hurried over to him, grabbing his arms to hold him up as Dean’s legs gave in. “Dean, are you okay?” _Stupid question_. “What’s going on? Dean!” Dean’s body dropped to the floor heavily as he slid through Castiel’s grip, losing all muscle control in as he passed out.

“Dean?” Again, Castiel found himself kneeling next to a seemingly lifeless Dean, again he could hear nothing but his own heartbeat, again the whole world seemed to slow down around them. He pressed two fingers to Dean’s main artery and relief flooded through him as he felt a pulse. Castiel could see the muscles cramping underneath Dean’s skin and frowned with the sudden realization that he knew exactly what was going on. He had experienced it himself, many, many years ago. Suddenly, Dean opened his eyes and grabbed Castiel’s hand, holding onto it so tightly, Castiel could have sworn he heard his knuckles crack.

Dean had trouble breathing as painful cramps tightened his chest and he clutched Castiel’s hand, the other man’s blue eyes being the only thing keeping him conscious. “You will be fine, Dean. You’re having another breakout. Just hang on, it will be over soon. I’m here.” Castiel stroked his free hand through Dean’s hair, talking to him soothingly. Dean closed his eyes, unconsciously moving into the gentle touch.

Then it just ended. The cramps and the pain were gone as quickly as they came and Dean exhaled relieved. Everything had lasted less than a minute, but it had been a lot more intense than what he remembered from his first breakout. This whole day had been so much more intense than any other day Dean remembered and he sat up gingerly, afraid he might start hurting again. “Is this normal?” Dean asked, his voice sounding strange in his own ears, somehow wrecked, strained.

To Dean’s displeasure, Castiel shook his head. “A person usually only has their breakout before they develop their gift. You should not have anymore breakouts after that, unless…” Castiel stopped talking, tilting his head to the side a bit and furrowing his brows. “Unless you are developing another gift.”

“No, I… Does that happen a lot? How many breakouts did you have?” To Castiel’s surprise, Dean sounded less than thrilled. He had expected Dean to be happy about it as Dean seemed to like the whole idea of having a gift. “It only ever happened once. Your grandfather Samuel Campbell was the only known person who ever developed two gifts. Your bloodlines, both maternal and paternal, have impressive history. You inherited the same gift that your father had, and now you are also showing traits of the other side of your family. Having two breakouts this powerful is truly remarkable. Right now we need to focus on figuring out what this new gift of yours is so that you can- Dean.”

Dean, who had been sitting on the floor and listening, suddenly got up and walked to the closet. He pulled on a shirt and walked into the closet, coming back out with a big bag that he threw on the bed. “Dean, what are you doing?” Castiel stood up and watched as Dean randomly started stuffing things into the bag, fully ignoring Castiel. “Dean!” He said more firmly and Dean stopped on his way to the closet, turning around to Castiel.

“I’m done.” Dean’s eyes were cold as he spoke and Castiel frowned, not understanding where this came from. “I’m going home.” Dean said and continued his way to the closet, but Castiel stepped in front of him, blocking the way. “You can’t go home, Dean. You know why.” Castiel spoke calmly, hoping to snap Dean out of whatever was going on in his head right now.

“Screw that. Screw your stupid two weeks. I’m done. I’ve had enough. This place is crazy. I just passed out because I was in so much pain and the only thing you have to say to that is that it’s _remarkable_?” Dean said, accusingly pointing to the spot where he had been lying mere minutes ago. “I almost died earlier! My own brother almost killed me. The only reason why he didn’t kill me is that I have some magic healing abilities.” Dean spit out the words, glaring at Castiel as if he was blaming him personally.

”And now you’re telling me that those abilities are abilities I inherited from my father? My _father_ of all people? Finding out that some people have special abilities is one thing, but I just got thrown smack in the middle of it because apparently I am one of them. I still didn’t even have time to wrap my head around that whole thing and now I am a special kind of freak? With not only one gift, but two? It’s too much. I’ll get Sam and then we’re the hell out of here.”

“And then what? This isn’t going to disappear just because you decide you’re done with it.” Castiel knew this reaction, he had seen it many times but somehow Dean’s words stung. Freak. Dean was right, that is what he was, what they all were. Castiel was aware Dean had been talking about in Gifted in general, but the way Dean had looked at him when he said it made it hard not to take it personally.

“I can’t stay here, Cas. I can’t have another gift, I just want to be normal. I’m not like you, I have a home to get back to.” Dean said and Castiel’s facial expression made him regret it immediately.

“You think _you’re_ the freak? _You’re_ abnormal? You don’t even know why I have no home. Why I have never left this island since the day I was born. You’re lucky. You only have to wait for two weeks after you learned to control whatever gift you just developed and then you can go back home. You can leave, you can see the world. Me? I am stuck here forever. I will never be able to leave here because I am an abomination. I am the real freak here.” Dean watched with wide eyes as the air behind Castiel seemed to thicken and form shapes. At first they were nothing more than a shadow, then fog, but eventually two giant black wings unfolded behind Castiel. “So don’t come crying to me about wanting to be normal.”

“Cas…” Dean was dumbfounded. He didn’t know what to say. Of course he realized he had made a scene. Now that his mind had been distracted from the fact that he was a lot more like his father than he had ever thought, everything already seemed quite stupid.

Outside, it had started to storm again and bright lightning illuminated the room. The feathers of Castiel’s wings seemed to break the light and for a moment the white walls around them were covered in tiny specks of color, scattered across the walls. Dean was standing so close to Castiel, he easily could have touched the wings, but for some reason he didn’t want to do that without the other man’s permission. Slowly, carefully so as not to accidentally bump against them, Dean walked around Castiel to get a better look at the beautiful wings. The way Castiel shied away from him proved that he had been right not to touch them.

The wings were big, almost big enough to brush the ceiling. Right now they were tense and pulled to Castiel’s sides, but Dean had a feeling they would be even bigger once Castiel relaxed. The long, dark feathers were shimmering like silk, and Dean had to step away to fight his urge to touch them. “They’re beautiful.”

Castiel, who had been standing there with his eyes closed, finally dared to breathe again. He had been upset when he revealed his wings and he did not want it to happen like this, but there was no turning back. He allowed himself to relax a little, feathers rustling behind him as his wings unfolded to their normal, relaxed shape. “They are the reason I can never leave. I would never fit in with the normal world. I’m a freak.” Castiel had not meant his words to sound as bitter as they did, but Dean realized his words had hurt the other man. “That’s not what I meant, Cas. You’re not a freak, you’re beautiful.”

Castiel turned around and Dean had to step back so he would not get hit by one of the wings. Immediately, Castiel stepped closer to him again, as if it was crucial to this conversation that they stayed in each other’s personal space. “I am sorry you had to find out like this. Thank you for not freaking out.” Castiel was so close to him that Dean could feel his breath on his face as he talked. Goosebumps rose on his arms and the back of his neck and he took Castiel’s hand in a sudden need to touch. “I meant what I said earlier. I won’t ever laugh at you. Especially not for something as amazing as this. They really are stunning.”

Castiel entwined their fingers, smiling softly. “Where have you been all my life?” Castiel said under his breath, looking into Dean’s eyes. Dean knew the question did not require answering, because he felt the same. All his life he had been perfectly content with occasional hook-ups, he’d even had a few longer relationships, but never had he felt like this. This man in front of him was technically still a stranger, but being with him felt like coming home. Dean never thought he believed in it, but meeting Castiel, he was sure he had found his soulmate. He tore his eyes from Castiel’s and looked at the shiny black wings again. “Can I touch them?”

The feathers of Castiel’s wings rustled again as he pulled them closer to his body as an involuntary response to the question. Not once in 28 years had anyone touched his wings. They were extremely sensitive and in a way Castiel felt that letting Dean touch them would be more intimate than even the sex they’d had earlier. At the same time he trusted Dean to be gentle and a small part of him had even hoped Dean would want to touch them.

“Yes.” He said nervously but firmly, looking at Dean’s face, smiling at the way it lit up when he said it.


	7. Wings Pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! The last chapter got a few really nice comments that totally made my day. Thanks a lot for that!
> 
> I originally had something else planned for this chapter, but oh well... guess we'll explore the nature of Dean's and Cas' relationship before furthering the actual plot :)

_“Yes.” He said nervously but firmly, looking at Dean’s face, smiling at the way it lit up when he said it._

Dean slowly raised a hand, watching Castiel‘s reaction as he edged his fingers closer to the dark wings. Castiel was practically quivering with anticipation, but the look in his eyes ensured Dean this was okay. Castiel’s breath hitched as Dean touched him, but he didn’t shy away so Dean continued. Gently he ran his fingertips along the soft, silky feathers and a pleasant feeling spread through his entire body. It started where his fingers touched Castiel’s wing, and ran up his arm; tingling, strange and unlike anything he’d ever felt before. Amazed he watched as tiny specks of light appeared in his fingers’ wake, disappearing after a moment. He placed his whole hand flat against the wing and stroked with a bit of pressure, feeling the strong muscles moving under his hand as Castiel shifted under his touch. Castiel’s head fell back slightly with a deep sigh and his eyes fluttered shut as he bit back a moan threatening to escape his lips.

Reassured that Castiel was enjoying this, Dean continued studying the wing, mapping it out with his fingers, using both hands now. The strange, pleasurable feeling started to become addicting quickly. The longer he felt it, the more pleasurable it got. Heat started pooling in Dean’s groin and with a low moan he realized he was rock hard in his pants. Utterly fascinated by the specks of light his touch caused, his pleasure came second to his curiosity and he kept experimenting. The more pressure he used the brighter they shone. Sometimes it looked like they’d follow Dean’s hand and sometimes they would simply appear where Dean had touched and stay in the same spot until they disappeared. Eventually, Dean stopped stroking, resting his hand against the wing, reveling in the tingling sensation that seemed to stimulate his erection even further.

They simply stood like this, the room quiet apart from their now labored breathing. Dean watched mesmerized as the tiny dots of light moved away from his hand now, forming rings that quickly grew bigger, spreading out across the whole wing. _Like my hand is a stone, thrown into the ocean_.

The thought crossed his mind just as Castiel gripped the hand that had dropped to Dean’s side. “Dean, please.” It was nothing more than a moan, deep and desperate, and it sent another wave of want straight into Dean’s groin. Castiel’s eyes were blown wide with lust and a quick glance to the bulge in his crotch assured Dean that Castiel was just as turned on by this as he was himself.

Dean did exactly the opposite of what Castiel was asking for. He dropped his hand from Castiel’s wing and Castiel let out a needy whine that he would have been embarrassed for, had he not been so turned on. “Dean.” The single word was all Castiel could muster, but Dean understood. Stepping against Castiel he smashed their lips together in a hungry kiss, gripping the base of both wings tightly with his hands.

Both men moaned deeply at the surge of hot pleasure running through them. Castiel’s hands found Dean’s ass and he pulled their crotches together, thrusting almost desperately. He needed release right now, but at the same time he did not want this to end. Ever. Dean could barely believe that he was already this turned on, before anything even touched his cock. Now the slide of Castiel’s erection against his own had him on the verge of cumming, even through too many layers of clothing. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean, holding him as Dean lowered his head onto Castiel’s shoulder, simply resting it there, breathing hard against the bare side of his neck.

The two of them were rutting against each other, Castiel making tiny, needy sounds, Dean’s deep groan muffled by Castiel’s skin. He tightened his grip around the base of Castiel’s wing, the wave of pleasure caused by it enough to send both men over the edge. Castiel came hard, groaning deeply as Dean bit him in a failed attempt to mute his own sounds. It was not hard enough to draw blood but definitely hard enough to bruise and another small moan escaped Cas’ mouth. Everyone would be able to see Dean’s mark on him tomorrow.

Dean’s hands lingered on Castiel’s wings. The sensation was less overwhelming now, merely a soft tingling, and only adding to the post-orgasmic bliss both of them were experiencing. Eventually he dropped his hands to his sides and they simply stood like that: both men breathing hard, Dean’s head resting on Castiel’s shoulder, Castiel’s arms wrapped around Dean. The only thing holding then upright was each other, legs ready to give in after the intense pleasure they just experienced.

Dean was the first to move. He pressed a soft kiss against the crook of Castiel’s neck, soothing the angry red mark his teeth had left there. “Thank you.” He said, feeling like he should say something, even though nothing he could say seemed worthy enough for a moment like this. “No, thank you.” Castiel replied softly. The kiss they exchanged was sweet, all of the heat and need gone. They only kissed for the sake of kissing, and it was Dean’s turn to wrap his arms around Castiel, wanting to hold him and be close to him. He only pulled back because he realized that the wings were gone. He wanted to ask about them, but Castiel looked so content that Dean decided to let it go, happy with the amount of time Castiel had let him see his true form.

“Does it always feel like that?” Dean asked and did his best to push away the jealousy he felt at the implication that someone else had touched Castiel like this before him. Castiel shrugged a bit and smiled. “I wouldn’t know.” And he smiled even wider at the happy expression that spread across Dean’s face. He kissed Dean again, shortly before stepping back a little. “I need a shower.” He said, his shirt feeling damp with sweat and the sticky wetness in his pants starting to feel gross. Dean huffed a soft laugh and nodded. “Me too. This didn’t happen to me since I was a teenager.” He said, motioning to the wet spot on his crotch. Castiel grinned, proud that he was the one who made Dean cum in his pants like a horny teenager.

“Care to join me?” Dean asked, hooking one of his fingers in Castiel’s belt loop and pulling him close again. “I don’t know, Dean. I should really go to my room, it has been a long day.” Dean smiled, placing his free hand on Castiel’s arm, the finger of his other hand still hooked into the belt loop, refusing to let Castiel go. “Come on… I promise I’ll behave.” He said with a smirk, their lips less than an inch apart, warm breath against Castiel’s face.

“Somehow I don’t believe you.” Castiel said, looking Dean in the eyes challengingly. “So what if I don’t?” Dean asked with a playful grin, already pulling Castiel to the bathroom with him. “I really think we should shower alone. You can come to my room afterwards if you want and we could watch that movie?” Castiel asked, hoping Dean would want to spend time with him even if they weren’t going to have sex or talk about the Institute. He liked Dean a lot, and he also got the feeling that Dean felt the same but he was not sure.

Dean sure looked disappointed as he let go of Cas. He pulled himself together rather quickly though and nodded with a smile. “Yeah, that sounds good. Which room is yours?” Castiel smiled back and made his way to the door, quickly before he could change his mind. “Just turn left, my room is the door at the end of the hallway. You can just come in, I’ll leave the door unlocked.”

“What, no goodbye kiss?” Dean asked just as Castiel exited the room. Castiel shook his head and looked back at him with a grin. “Nope.” With that he left the room, making his way to his own.

Dean was still smiling to himself, even as he was already undressed and standing under the hot water of his shower. He could practically feel the tension of the day wash away as his muscles started relaxing. Undressing, he had noticed that everything seemed to smell like sex and Castiel. Now he almost felt sad, washing these good memories away. Then again, he also washed away all the bad memories, of almost dying and passing out twice in the course of one day. He could create new, better memories with Castiel.

As expected, Castiel had left no marks on him. Dean wasn’t even sure that it was still possible to leave marks on him. It was stupid, but Dean smiled at the knowledge that Castiel would be wearing _his_ mark for the next few days. He realized it had kind of been a dick move to leave it above the neckline of Castiel’s shirt, but deep down he wanted everyone to know that Castiel was his. His? Dean pushed the thought away, it was ridiculous. He barely even knew the man, he had no right to be possessive.

Dean dried himself off with a towel (clearly taken from the bathroom in his apartment) and walked over to the bag on his bed. Unceremoniously he dumped it out and went through the things to find something to wear. He put on his favorite Batman boxer briefs, dark sweatpants and a matching Batman t-shirt, not feeling like watching TV required jeans.

He spent way too much time in front of the mirror fixing his hair, brushing his teeth and trying to pick a good Cologne to wear before finally deciding that his deodorant would have to suffice. He was only going to watch a movie for God’s sake.

Even though Dean really wanted to see Castiel again, he couldn’t leave without checking in with Sam first. He knocked on Sam’s door and entered the room without waiting for an answer, only to find Sam sprawled out on his bed, talking on the phone.

“I gotta call you back.” Sam said, quickly sitting up. “I love you too. Talk to you soon.” Dean couldn’t help but smile, watching his brother hang up.

“How’s Jess?” Even Dean, who wasn’t into that romantic crap, had to admit that Sam and his girlfriend were perfect for each other. They had been a couple for three years now and Dean was certain they would end up marrying each other, white picket fence and all.

“She’s worried. I had to tell her I have a virus and that I am not allowed to see anyone for the next few weeks.” Sam frowned, placing his phone on the nightstand. “This whole thing sucks ass, I just want to get the fuck out of here.”

“Language, Sammy.” Dean said, raising an eyebrow at his brother’s crude choice of words. Usually it was Sam who had to tell Dean to stop swearing. This new tone of his only proved how frustrated he was. “The sooner you learn control, the sooner you can get out of here.”

“I know. I have been practicing after Kevin left. I can control the room temperature and I did not have any other incidents with my mini storms. Sorry about that, again.” He added sheepishly, moving a hand through his hair.

“So you’re going full Halle Berry now? Do I have to mentally prepare for tight leather outfits?” Dean joked, grinning at Sam’s face. “Oh shut up, jerk.”

“Whatever, bitch. I’m just glad you’re learning so quickly. I might have to stay here a while longer.” Dean said, leaning against Sam’s desk. “What do you mean? I thought you wouldn’t have to learn to control your healing ability.” Sam looked confused and a little worried, eliciting a sigh from Dean.

“True. But I had another breakout, apparently I developed another gift. I just need to find out what it is.” Dean explained, smiling lightheartedly at Sam’s expression. “Don’t worry about it. I’m good. I can feel it inside me, this one is different, it’s only a matter of time before it unleashes. We’ll deal with it when it comes to that.” He said simply, not willing to let any room for Sam to worry about him. The whole thing still bothered him, but he wanted Sam to get back to his old life as soon as possible. Luckily his brother seemed to be learning quickly and the last thing Dean wanted was to distract him with his own problems.

Sam nodded reluctantly, not buying Dean’s careless act. He knew his brother well enough to know that something was bothering him. Still, he also knew that if Dean did not want to talk about it he would not talk about it, no matter how much Sam pushed. He’d come around eventually, he always did.

“It’s late, Sammy. You should try to get some sleep if you want to keep learning tomorrow.”

“It’s 9pm.” Sam replied, raising an eyebrow at Dean. “If you want we could watch a movie, they gave me the TV.” He added with a grin and a nod to the large flat-screen hung up on the wall.

“Oh come on. That’s my TV.” Dean hadn’t noticed it before, but now that Sam brought it to his attention he noticed that this room was fairly larger than his. It even had a couch. “I’m gonna have that moved.” He said, pointing to the TV before looking around in the room. “In fact, I think we’ll just switch rooms. Who decided this was fair? You get a couch _and_ my TV? Not happening.”

“You wish. This room is mine.” Sam said, getting up and grabbing the TV remote on his way to the couch. “You coming or what?” He asked, letting himself drop on the couch.

Dean shook his head. “Actually, Cas invited me to his room, we’ll watch a movie. I guess if you want, you could…” Dean trailed off, definitely not wanting his brother to come. He was too excited to see Castiel again and he did not want Sam to know what was going on between them. Hell, Dean himself didn’t even know what was going on between them.

Sam on the other hand took one look at his older brother and figured it out immediately. “Oh my god, Dean, gross.” Sam exclaimed, making a disgusted face and shaking his head. “Don’t invite me to your hook-ups!”

“What? No, I…” Dean didn’t know how Sam did it, but there was no use denying it now. Sam knew him well enough to tell when he was lying anyway. “It’s not like that.” Dean said sheepishly, avoiding eye contact at all costs.

“So you’re saying you don’t want to have sex with him?” Sam looked at Dean, smug grin on his face. As much as he would love to stay in the dark about his brother’s sex life, he enjoyed seeing him squirm like that.

“So you’re saying you really want to know?” Dean shot back, suggestively wriggling his eyebrows. Sam made another face and shook his head. He really didn’t. “Just go already.” Sam said and Dean made his way to the door. “And don’t forget to wear protection!” He shouted after him just before the door fell shut, leaving Sam to watch a movie on his own.

“Yes, mom.” Dean mumbled to himself as he walked along the corridor, now more excited than ever. He honestly hadn’t thought about it before, but now he couldn’t help but wonder if he’d get lucky tonight. He even considered going back to his room to see if they had also moved the lube and condoms from his bedside drawer into his new room. Before he could come to a decision, he already arrived at Castiel’s room, so he figured he’d just have to wait and see if Castiel would be prepared. Given the other man’s sexual history it wasn’t very likely. Dean was perfectly fine with just watching a movie though, so he knocked shortly before entering, remembering what Castiel had said.

Castiel’s room didn’t even appear to be a room, it was a full apartment. Dean walked into a nicely furnished living room, with white walls and a big, comfortable looking couch. The flat screen on the wall was even larger than the one Sam now had in his room. The wall behind the couch was decorated with black and white photographs of skylines Dean didn’t recognize and the light green pillows on the couch matched the flowerpot on the coffee table. There was another, bigger houseplant in one of the corners and an equally comfortable looking armchair in the middle of the room, matching the couch.

“Come on in, Dean.” Dean followed Castiel‘s voice past some cantilevered steps to his left and found him in a white, modern kitchen. “Nice room you got here.” Dean said, looking around, amazed as he did not expect anything like this.

“The sole advantage of having rich parents that feel bad for giving me away. They made a huge donation and made this possible for me. Don’t mention it in front of Gabriel though, he is still pissed that he didn’t get a second floor.” Castiel said with a modest smile, offering Dean one of the soda cans he was holding. “Thanks.” Dean took it with a smile and looked around the kitchen, sipping at his soda as he did not know what to reply.

The silence that followed was short, but still a little awkward and Castiel nervously licked his bottom lip. “So… What movie do you want to watch?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you liked it. If you feel like it, let me know what you think in the comments or by leaving some kudos. Thanks!


	8. Movie Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An early update. I don't know why, but I just had to get this out early. I will still be updating on Fridays but have decided that if my week is productive enough, I might update twice a week.

_The silence that followed was short, but still a little awkward and Castiel nervously licked his bottom lip. “So… What movie do you want to watch?”_

They figured out pretty quickly that their taste in movies differed quite a lot and ended up sitting on the couch, not watching a movie at all but talking instead. Castiel had prepared some sandwiches that Dean practically inhaled in record time, to make up for no dinner, as he put it. Castiel smiled at that, not even finishing one sandwich before Dean finished the whole plate of five sandwiches.

“Documentaries? Really?” Dean asked for the third time this evening, putting down the now empty plate on the coffee table. Castiel had tried to change the subject twice already but Dean did not seem to be able to get over it. “I mean, those aren’t even real movies, man. They’re just. I don’t know. _Documentaries_. Nothing exciting ever happens in them.”

“I find them very exciting. They are my way of learning about a world that I cannot be part of.” Castiel said, and he did not mean for it to sound this bitter, but Dean’s skeptical expression immediately changed into something different. Softer, almost pitiful. Castiel had seen that expression many times over the years and he hated it. “Gee, Cas. Way to make me feel bad about myself. I’m sorry.”

“There is no need to feel sorry, Dean. Sometimes I just like to remind myself that there is more to this world than just this one island. Doesn’t mean I’m not open for new experiences. What is it that you find so exciting about action movies?” Castiel explained, folding his legs underneath him as he sat up straight. His posture was the exact opposite of Dean’s, who was slouching on the couch, legs spread almost obscenely wide. Both men had chosen their very own corner spot, positioning them on either side of the couch.

“I don’t know.” Dean said, thinking, taking a sip of his soda only to find it was already empty. He placed the can on the table before resuming his position, looking at Castiel intently. “They are just exciting in general. Mostly fast paced, awesome fighting scenes, witty characters, hot chicks…” He interrupted himself at Castiel’s frown and flashed him a quick smile. “…and guys. I like both. That a problem for you?” Dean asked almost defensively as Castiel kept looking at him with that same frown. His sexuality had never been a secret and in the course of his life he’d met more than a few ass holes who didn’t understand the concept of being bisexual. Even some of the men he’d had a fling with had been less than understanding. It would suck to find out that Castiel was the same.

“Why would that be a problem for me?” Castiel asked, looking genuinely confused now. Dean smiled, already growing to like the way Castiel tilted his head whenever he did not understand something. He sat up, moving a little closer to Castiel in the process. “Some people don’t understand bisexuality. They claim to be tolerant and not homophobic, but still believe you should pick one gender. One guy even called me greedy once.” Dean said with a low chuckle. At the time it had hurt him, now he could laugh about it.

“Some people are just more simple minded than others. I personally have never looked at women that way but still get that everyone is different.” Castiel said and Dean looked at him, wondering what his frown was about then. _Could it be…? No, it couldn’t have been jealousy. Or could it?_ Dean remembered the way he had felt when thinking about somebody else touching Castiel’s wings and tried to imagine how he would react to Castiel saying what he had just said. He reached out and placed one hand on Castiel’s knee, searching physical contact, smiling even wider when Castiel shimmied a little closer, his leg brushing against Dean’s now.

“Do you want to try watching an actual movie? We could watch The Transporter. Or The Fast and the Furious. Basically anything with cool cars in it. I love cars.” Dean said it with so much enthusiasm that Castiel just had to smile with him. “Sounds good, Dean. Whichever you prefer, I have not seen either of them. The only movies I ever watch are the ones Gabriel and Charlie make me watch with them. They have a pretty similar taste when it comes to movies.”

“Transporter it is then. Who’s Charlie?” Dean asked, not remembering Cas mentioning that name before. “My best friend here. She’s great. She came in about 4 years ago, she’s the head of our tech department. I would try to explain what she does exactly, but I have no idea. Basically she makes sure that we all have Internet and that nobody uses that to send information about the Institute. Anyway, she is very enthusiastic when it comes to her favorite movies.” Castiel explained with a smile, remembering the time Charlie had forced him to watch all the Harry Potter movies in one sitting. She had wanted to do the same with Lord of the Rings, but Castiel had fallen asleep halfway through the second movie. Too much walking.

“She lives here?” Dean asked, unable to imagine why anyone would willingly choose to live here. In Castiel’s case it was obvious, he couldn’t risk anyone seeing his wings. Gabriel was sort of plausible as well, if it was true what Castiel had said and Gabriel liked to trick people. But other than that? Dean had not understood Kevin's reasoning, and he could not think of any reason for a civilian to want to be here with a whole bunch of freaks. _There was that word again. Freaks_. He’d have to stop thinking like that if he did not want to accidentally hurt Castiel’s feelings. _Again_.

“She has lived here for the past four years. Yes.” Castiel nodded, understanding why Dean was asking, but not wanting to overstep boundaries by telling Dean about Charlie’s past. Her parents had died in a car accident when she was fourteen, and she had been taken in by an uncle that had thrown her out as soon as she had worked up the courage to tell him she liked girls. Charlie had always had an affinity for programming and being the rebel she was, she had hacked herself into several bank accounts to afford her living. When she got caught she had been offered a choice. She could go to jail or she could come here, work for the government. At least, that’s what Charlie had told Castiel. He was not entirely sure how true it was, but either way it was not his story to tell.

“Why?” Dean had obviously not gotten the hint, but Castiel couldn’t blame him, he had never been good as nonverbal communication. “I think you should rather ask her that. Maybe don’t open with it though, when you first meet her. For most people here it is a very personal matter.”

“Of course. I’m sorry.” Dean said, leaning back against one of the pillows, slouching into the sofa crease again. Castiel stood up to get the TV remote and turned on the movie before walking into the kitchen to get more soda for him and Dean. He came back and found Dean sprawled out across the whole couch, shoes placed neatly on the floor. He grinned slightly at that, placing the cans on the table before dropping into the armchair. “You’re keeping me off my own couch.”

Dean looked over to him with a playful smile. “I bet we could still both fit.” He said wriggling his eyebrows suggestively, grinning widely. It was quite obvious what Dean was playing at, but Castiel was not going to make it that easy. Not again. “I think I’m fine. Thanks.” Castiel grinned back at Dean who rolled his eyes, turning back to the TV. “Fine. Might be better anyway, we wouldn’t want you to be too distracted to watch the movie.”

And watch the movie they did. Most of it Castiel was watching Dean’s reactions to the movie, not the movie itself. He was just too interesting. Castiel could not understand why Dean got so excited about some guy beating up other guys. Granted, it was kind of sexy, but for the most part, it was simply unrealistic. And for some reason the sex scene made him feel highly uncomfortable. While he could definitely appreciate a topless Jason Statham, he found the girl to be rather distracting. Which only confirmed what he already knew, he was 100% gay.

As they watched the movie, the room constantly got darker the later it got. Dean looked different in the half dark, face illuminated by almost nothing but the TV screen. Not necessarily worse or better, just different. The freckles seemed to disappear with the light, leaving a smooth face with delicate features, plush lips and eyes that still sparkled green.

“So, what did you think? Awesome, isn’t it?” Dean asked as soon as the credits started rolling, looking at Castiel expectantly. “It’s definitely… something” Castiel said hesitant, not wanting to disappoint Dean. Immediately, Dean’s smile dropped . “You hated it.” Castiel blushed at that, hoping Dean wouldn’t notice in the half-dark. “I wouldn’t say I hated it… it’s just a bit… unrealistic?” Dean let out a low chuckle at that, swinging his legs off the couch and sitting up.

“Why didn’t you say something? We could have stopped it. Watched something different.” Castiel shook his head, smiling. “And miss all your excitement? No way. That was too adorable.” It was Dean’s turn to blush now, and Castiel slowly stood up, walking to the couch and sitting down next to him, closer than necessary, leg brushing against Dean’s. “I just really like cars and good fight scenes.” Dean explained, watching intently as Castiel sat down next to him. “I have never even seen a car in real life.” Castiel meant for his comment to be casual. In fact, it was pretty casual for him but Dean’s eyes widened incredulously.

“What?!” His exclamation was a bit louder than he had intended it to be and Dean dialed it down a bit before continuing. “I’m sorry, Cas. That’s horrible.” He said, and it sounded so genuinely distressed that Castiel couldn’t help but laugh. His life did not present him with many opportunities for genuine laughter and he was almost surprised at the sound and the way it bubbled out of him. He calmed down pretty quickly, but even then he couldn’t stop himself from grinning widely. “It’s okay, Dean. I can’t miss what I don’t know.”

“I mean it, though. I’m sorry that you missed out on so much in life.” And just like that, Dean had wiped the grin off Castiel’s face. _Way to ruin a good moment_. He already started beating himself up about it, but then he noticed that the look in Castiel’s eyes wasn’t hurt at all. It was serious, and definitely less cheerful, but it was also warm and… affectionate? Dean returned the smile that spread across Castiel’s face as the other man placed a hand on Dean’s arm. They looked into each other’s eyes for a while before Castiel finally moved to close the gap between them. Dean met him half way and they kissed gently, sweet. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck and moved a hand through Dean’s hair, enjoying the feeling of  Dean's soft lips against his own. In return, Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel’s waist, lifting him up with surprising strength, pulling him onto his lap. Dean let himself fall back into the pillows and Castiel followed, both men now half lying, half sitting on the couch. Cas felt Dean’s tongue nudge against his lips gently and he parted them, sliding his hands down Dean’s chest as they kissed, tongues sliding against each other. Again, Dean manhandled Castiel with ease, pushing him to lie on his back with Dean on top of him, never even breaking the kiss. Castiel’s hands, now able to roam freely, moved along Dean’s back and down to his ass, pulling their hips together.

Just as a soft moan slipped from Dean’s lips the door flew open and Gabriel waltzed right in. “Hey there, Cassie.” He said cheerfully.

Startled, Castiel flinched and scrambled to sit up, pushing Dean off of him and onto the floor in the process. “Dean.” Gabriel added with a casual nod towards Dean and proceeded walking across the room. “Please. Don’t stop on my count.” Dean sat up and looked at Castiel confused, rubbing his head where he bumped it on the floor. _What the hell_? He mouthed at him and Castiel stood up, looking towards where Gabriel had disappeared into the kitchen. “What do you want, Gabriel?”

"I came to use this fancy kitchen of yours. You said I could do that any time.” Gabriel’s reply came, followed by the clatter of a pot falling onto the floor. Castiel frowned and helped Dean up. “You don’t cook, Gabriel.” It was true, Castiel had offered to let Gabriel use the kitchen but not once in all the years since he came had Gabriel taken him up for it. “You only came because I told you Dean would be coming over tonight. You _wanted_ to interrupt us.” His accusation was met with silence and Dean shifted from one foot to the other, suddenly feeling like he was intruding. Just then Gabriel stepped back out of the kitchen to look at them. “Now, now, Cassie. You don’t get to accuse me of being a cock-block. My lady demanded food and who am I to deny her anything. It was not my intention to keep you from finally loosing it.”

Dean raised an eyebrow at what clearly was meant as a joke, and Castiel’s face immediately hardened. “And you won’t. Come on, Dean.” Before Dean knew it, Castiel had grabbed his hand and was pulling him up the stairs towards an open door. “What are you doing, Cas?” Dean asked, not liking the way this was going. Without giving an answer, Castiel shoved Dean into the room - clearly Castiel’s bedroom - and pulled the door closed behind them, locking it before turning back to Dean. “He does not get to interrupt us like that. Maybe this will teach him a lesson. Being downstairs while we fuck.” He said firmly and pulled off his shirt, dropping it on the floor before looking at Dean expectantly. Clearly he didn’t notice the reluctant look in Dean’s face because he proceeded to open his pants, all the while looking at Dean. “Go on, undress.” He said almost impatiently and Dean shook his head, opening his mouth to protest, but Castiel gripped his shirt and pushed him against the wall. All the shy behavior from before seemed to be gone, and Dean let himself forget the circumstances as Castiel’s lips smashed against his own, kissing him urgently. They made out like this, Dean pushed against the wall, Castiel’s hands fumbling to undress both of them. Dean was not much of a help, too overwhelmed by the sudden turn of events, but Castiel soon had stripped them both down to their boxers.

Dean, who had let Castiel distract him from his initiate doubts, froze as he felt a hand slide into his boxers, gripping his semi hard cock. “Cas…” He mumbled against the other man’s lips, pulling back as much as possible. He placed a hand on Castiel’s chest, not letting him follow. “Stop.” He said firmly, looking into Castiel’s eyes. Castiel blushed deeply and removed his hand from Dean’s boxers. “You don’t want to. I’m sorry.” He said, casting his eyes down, avoiding Dean’s gaze.

Dean placed a gentle hand on Castiel’s cheek, making him look back up. “Believe me. I do want to. But not like this. Don’t let your brother manipulate you like that.” Castiel blushed even more, not knowing what to reply to that, he just felt incredibly embarrassed. “Maybe you should leave.” He said, avoiding Dean’s gaze again, stepping away from him. “No. Hey.”

Dean grabbed Castiel’s wrist, gently pulling Cas with him. “Come on.” He said, sitting down on the bed, motioning for Cas to sit next to him. Hesitantly, he did and Dean smiled at him, pulling him into a tight embrace. Castiel let Dean guide him as he moved them onto the bed. Unable to look at Dean as he was still feeling mortified, Castiel lay down on top of the blanket, head on one of his pillows, back turned to him.

He felt soft lips pressed against his shoulder and almost expected Dean to get up and leave. Dean did not do such thing though. Instead, he slid one arm around Castiel’s waist, snuggling up behind him, his whole chest flush with Castiel’s back. He kissed his shoulder again, not saying anything, simply holding him. “Thank you.” Castiel’s whisper was soft and he could feel Dean’s smile against his skin as Dean kissed the side of his neck. It was the only response Dean gave and Castiel smiled softly, placing his hand over Dean’s, entwining their fingers. He felt Dean’s warm breath against the back of his neck, Dean’s heat radiating through him, making him feel oddly safe. Castiel didn’t mean to fall asleep, but Dean’s embrace was so comfortable and warm that his eyes eventually closed and he drifted off into a deep, peaceful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it. Please leave a comment or some kudos, it would really mean a lot to me. Thank you!


	9. The second Gift

He woke up the next morning, the sun shining through his window, and for a moment he did not remember what had happened the day before. He was lying atop of his blanket, but for some reason he was not cold. On the contrary, a warm body behind him kept him warm, and Castiel internally cringed as the memories from the day before washed through him. He had not expected Dean to stay the night, and he wasn’t sure if he could face him like this.

Ever since he had first lain eyes on Dean, it bothered Castiel that he was so inexperienced. Before Dean, there had only been one other guy that Castiel had kissed. There had been no feelings involved, Castiel had only done it because he wanted to finally get it over with. Now he had almost done the same with Dean and he felt bad about that. Dean was always so sweet and patient with Castiel, he deserved better.

Coming to the conclusion that, however much Castiel willed him to, Dean was not going to suddenly disappear, Cas tried to get up, intending to at least make breakfast. Behind him, Dean stirred, still half asleep but unwilling to let Castiel go. He pulled Castiel back against him and pressed gentle lips against the back of his neck. “Morning.” Dean’s voice was soft and deep, sleepy as he was just waking up. “Morning.” Castiel replied, relaxing into Dean’s embrace, closing his eyes, a soft shudder running down his back. Maybe it wasn’t so bad at all that Dean had stayed over. Castiel definitely enjoyed the feeling of being held like that. They stayed in bed for a few more minutes, eyes closed, relaxing. Castiel almost believed Dean had fallen asleep again, but when he wound his way out of Dean’s arms Dean raised his head, pouting. “No, come back.” He said, rolling onto his back and holding his arms open for a hug. Castiel had not thought it possible, but Dean looked even more adorable when he was half asleep. His hair was messy and his eyes were sleepy. It didn’t hurt that he was not wearing a shirt, either.

Castiel almost gave in, but then only smiled at Dean, slowly shaking his head. “As inviting as that looks, we should have breakfast. How do you feel about bacon and pancakes?” Castiel said, feeling like something special was appropriate, to maybe help Dean forgive the events of the evening before. The way Dean’s face lit up as he nodded eagerly showed Castiel that he had made the right call. “Good. Bacon and pancakes it is then. I’ll just quickly take a shower and then get started in the kitchen. Feel free to look around the apartment.”

“Alright then.” Dean smiled and slowly got out of bed, hard muscles moving under smooth skin as Dean stretched. The morning sun accentuated the freckles that were scattered across his chest and shoulders, and Castiel wondered how he had not noticed them before.

“Enjoying the show?” Dean asked with a playful grin, now rather flexing than stretching. He dropped his arms with a low chuckle and winked at Cas who quickly averted his eyes. He could feel the blush spread across his cheeks because he got caught staring, once again. Dean picked up his clothes from the day before and turned to Castiel, looking as though he wanted to say something but then decided otherwise.

Castiel used the bathroom and took a quick shower while Dean got dressed. He stepped back into his room, damp hair and wearing nothing but a towel. After a moment of hesitation he dropped the towel and quickly got dressed, pretending like he couldn’t see Dean staring at him. He opened one of his drawers, smiled triumphantly and presented Dean with a new toothbrush, still wrapped in plastic. “I always keep spare ones around, the store here almost never has them in stock.”

It was weirdly domestic, standing next to each other in front of the big bathroom mirror, brushing their teeth. Dean liked it though, smiling at Cas’ reflection in the mirror. “You’re so lucky.” He said once they had both rinsed their mouths, looking around the bathroom. It was roomy, much bigger than what Dean was used to. The sink had one of those fancy faucets with a motion sensor and there was a shower and even a separate bathtub, something Dean had never seen before in real life.

“I guess in a way I am.” Castiel smiled and nodded, also looking around. He had seen the other rooms in this building and he knew that this room was much more luxurious. What he didn’t know was that it was also much more luxurious than what most people could afford in real life. He always assumed his parents had only tried to give him a life as normal as possible.

“Time for breakfast.” He decided and they walked downstairs together. Apparently Gabriel had had the audacity to leave behind a mess, so Dean washed the used pots while Castiel prepared the breakfast. They talked about everything and nothing while they ate, Dean telling Castiel about his job at the Roadhouse, Sam’s scholarship, and his car, a 67 Chevy Impala. Dean seemed even more exited about his car than he had been about the movie they watched the day before. Castiel’s cheeks almost hurt from all the smiling he did as he listened to Dean’s stories. That is, until Dean pushed away his plate and looked at Castiel seriously. “I know you will not want to hear this, but I feel that we have to talk about what happened yesterday. You don’t even have to say anything, just hear me out.” Dean said and Castiel’s heart sunk. Dean had been so sweet all morning, Castiel had hoped Dean would overlook Castiel’s embarrassing behavior. He stared at his plate, unable to look Dean in the eye.

“I just want you to know that I like you, Cas. I am spending time with you because I like spending time with you and I don’t care how experienced you are. You are pretty damn hot and so was everything we did so far. Even though I’d be thrilled to have sex with you again, I will not do so because you want to prove something to your brother. Don’t get me wrong, I am no stranger to casual hookups, but this… whatever it is what we have -” Dean paused, searching for the right words. “- it means… _You_ mean more to me than just a casual hookup.” Castiel finally looked up from his plate, wide eyes and a look on his face that Dean couldn’t quite read.

 _I’m turning into a 13 year old girl_. Dean thought to himself as Castiel failed to respond. _Stupid. I’m moving too fast. He doesn’t even know me, of course he doesn’t feel the same_. Hell, Dean himself wasn’t even sure what he felt, he just knew he felt something and that he had major problems putting it in words.

“Now would be a good time to say something.” Dean said a little uncomfortably when Castiel was still staring at him a few moments later. Castiel opened his mouth and closed it again, overwhelmed by the situation. He had expected Dean to tell him that he wasn’t going to put up with Castiel’s crazy any longer. Had hoped that he might get one more chance to pull his act together before Dean decided he wanted a different mentor. Instead, Dean accepted his insecurity and even said he liked him _more than a casual hook-up. What does that even mean?_ Castiel didn’t know, but he was sure that, whatever Dean was trying to say, he felt the same. “Okay.” He said, unable to come up with more, unable to express the thoughts running through his mind. It wasn’t enough though, it was nowhere near enough and Dean leaned back in his seat with a small frown on his face. “Look, Cas. I’m not good with this whole relationship, open talking, honest thing. I’m only telling you this because I need to know where we stand. I’m gonna need a little more than an okay to work with.” _We don’t have that much time to figure things out_. Dean didn’t say it, but it was true. Sooner or later Dean would leave and go back to his old life. If they wanted to make the best of what little time they had together, they didn’t have time for miscommunication. Dean was almost certain it was the only reason why they both rushed into this, subconsciously they had always been aware of their special bond and the expiration date of their relationship. _Special bond. Relationship. God, I already am a thirteen year old girl_.

Castiel nodded slowly and looked down at his plate again, feeling Dean’s eyes on him as he spoke. “I feel the same, Dean. I can’t seem to find the right words to tell you how much you already mean to me. I have never experienced something like this. It scares me.” If he was going to be honest he might as well go all the way. “I never had any hook-ups, casual or serious but if I had to label it, I would say I’m pretty serious about this.” Castiel said and finally looked at Dean who was smiling warmly at him.

“Good.” Dean said, reaching out to take Castiel’s hand across the table. “Good.” Castiel replied stupidly, smiling back and entwining their fingers. They held eye contact for a few seconds, longer than would have been comfortable with anyone else.

Finally, Dean cleared his throat and got up from his chair, letting go of Castiel’s hand in the process. “Okay, oh mentor of mine, what is the plan for today? How do we figure out what I can do?” The playful sparkle in Dean’s eyes was back and Castiel smiled at Dean, both men placing their dirty dishes in the sink. “Depends. Did you notice anything different? Strange feelings? Anything to indicate your Gift?”

Dean nodded and followed Castiel to the living room where both men put on their shoes. “Definitely strange feelings. I don’t know why but I just know that this is a Gift that’s just waiting to be released.” Dean said and Castiel nodded, looking down at Dean who was still tying up his shoe laces. “Okay, come on then.” He said and held out a hand to help Dean up. “This is not something we want to do in the confinement of a building.” Dean smiled at Castiel and took his hand, letting him help him up. Then he simply didn’t let go of it again, holding it as they walked outside together.

They used a different door this time, and Dean realized they had never finished the tour Castiel had wanted to give him. All he had seen so far was the “mountain” and the beach. Now they were walking towards another building. Dean assumed it must be the gym, given the fact that he could see at least three people working out there.

“There’s a meadow behind the gym, we can go there, it’s quite nice to sit in the sunshine.” Castiel said and lead the way, around the building to a patch of grass. There were no flowers growing here and the grass was dying in the heat. “It looks better after a few days of rain. The plants here suffer with all the heat.” Castiel explained and sat down, not noticing that Dean had stopped walking when he saw the patch of grass. _A meadow. He thinks this is a meadow._ Under different circumstances Dean would have found this funny, but right now it made him feel sick. The longer he spent with Castiel, the more aware he was of all the things in life that had been so trivial for him and that Castiel was missing out on. Driving in a car, going hiking in the actual mountains, seeing wide, green fields of grass, experiencing the beauty of nature in general. Some clouds moved in front of the sun, casting a shadow onto them, making the whole situation even sadder.

“Dean?” Cas said and Dean realized he had not heard a single word of what Castiel had said. “Everything alright?” He was about to get back up, but Dean quickly joined him on the floor, sitting close to him. “I’m good. Sorry. What were you saying?”

Castiel mustered him for a moment before deciding to let this one slide. “I just asked whether or not you think you’d be able to consciously use the Gift that you developed. From what you described it seems to be something you’ll learn to actively use, unlike the healing that just happens whenever you’re hurt. We just need to figure out what triggers it. Once you get a feeling for that the hardest part will be over. Most of the time it helps to put yourself in a peaceful state of mind, relax and just let it happen.”

Dean nodded and closed his eyes, trying to pinpoint where the strange feeling in his body came from. It spread through his whole body, but the source seemed to be somewhere in the back of his mind. He tried focusing on it, but then opened his eyes as Castiel moved away from him a little, all his focus gone. Cas smiled apologizingly and shrugged a bit. “Just in case it’s something violent.” Dean smiled back and closed his eyes again as Castiel nodded. He could feel the other man’s eyes on him and had to force himself to focus, not finding the right state of mind to fully do so. Peaceful, Castiel had said. Dean thought about this morning, lying in bed with Castiel, holding him in his arms. He had felt very peaceful in that moment, Castiel’s soft breathing grounding him, helping him to forget how messed up his life had become. He could feel his body relax and an intense wave of the strange feeling surged through him. He opened his eyes to see what he had done, but nothing seemed to have changed. Castiel was still sitting with him, looking at him quizzically and the sun was still burning down on them, blinding Dean with it’s light. He had to raise a hand to be able to look at Cas without squinting and shook his head. “I felt something, but I don’t think anything happened.”

Castiel smiled and shook his head. “I think something did happen. Look around.” Dean looked around but couldn’t make out what Castiel was talking about. Behind him was the back of the gym building, beneath him was the dried out grass, in front of him was Castiel, smiling warmly, bright sunlight giving him a somewhat angelic glow. Dean couldn’t even begin to look up, the light was already making his eyes water from just looking around without sunglasses. _Oh_. “The sun wasn’t shining like this before, was it?” Castiel smiled, amused that it had taken Dean so long to realize. “It was, but now all the clouds are gone again. What were you thinking about earlier, when you were just standing there?”

Dean hesitated for a moment, not wanting Castiel to think he pitied him. He had seen Castiel’s reactions to being pitied and he did not want to upset him. “I realized that I am a horrible person.” He said and Castiel frowned. “What makes you say that?” Dean looked down at his hands, wishing the clouds would come back so he could see Castiel’s facial expression as he tried to explain. “I never appreciated all the things I have in life. I always thought my childhood sucked. I hated the fact that I lost my mom way too early, that my dad was a violent drunk, that Sammy never knew what it’s like to have loving parents. But compared to your life, my life was awesome. I had a people that took care of me and Sam after my dad died. I had a home, a job, a family. You didn’t have any of these things, but still you seem happy being here. You call this little patch of grass a meadow because it probably is the biggest patch of grass that you have ever seen and that makes me sad. You deserve so much more in life.”

Castiel had taken Dean’s hands in his own as he listened, tilting his head a little and watching Dean, moving closer to him in hope to give him some comfort. “Try to use your Gift again. Keep thinking about that and try to use your Gift again.” Dean looked at Castiel, a little confused about his reaction but did as he was told, closing his eyes and reaching out to that space in the back of his mind. Tingling energy rushed through him, feeling different this time, like it was magnifying Deans emotions. When he opened his eyes he was not blinded anymore, the sun was hidden behind dark clouds. Castiel squeezed his hand, smiling warmly as Dean looked around. “You did that. It seems that you have a Gift very similar to Sam’s. Yours doesn’t seem to happen as spontaneously, but it is also controlled by your emotions.” Castiel looked Dean in his eyes, emerald meeting bright blue. “And my childhood wasn’t bad at all. Of course I had people that took care of me. It is true that I never had anyone I called a parent, but I had many caretakers over the years. Did you think they just sent an infant here with no supervisors?” Castiel said and Dean smiled at that, shaking his head at his own stupidity. “Of course not.”

Castiel smiled and shook his head as well. “No. And I might not know what a real meadow looks like, but I sure do live right at the beach. From what I gather that’s where you normal people go on vacation.” Castiel had meant it as a joke, but Dean frowned a bit. “You’re not abnormal, Cas.”

“And you are not a horrible person, Dean.” He said and placed one hand on Dean’s cheek when Dean turned his head away. He could feel Dean’s jaw clench and moved even closer to him, all but sitting on his lap now. “Hey. Look at me.” Their noses almost brushed against each other when Dean finally looked back at Castiel. “You are _not_ a horrible person.” Castiel said softly against Dean’s lips before closing the small gap between them. The kiss was soft and chaste, and Castiel could feel Dean relax into it.

Castiel’s soft lips pressed against Dean’s and for just a second he forgot all his worries. Dean deliberately reached out for that special spot in his mind again, and almost immediately he could feel the warm sun on his skin again. Castiel could feel it too and he smiled against Dean’s lips before pulling back. “See. That’s more like it.”


	10. Switching Shifts

_Castiel’s soft lips pressed against Dean’s and for just a second he forgot all his worries. Dean deliberately reached out for that special spot in his mind again, and almost immediately he could feel the warm sun on his skin again. Castiel could feel it too and he smiled against Dean’s lips before pulling back. “See. That’s more like it.”_

Dean smiled back at Castiel and looked around. “So first I got my dad’s gift, then I got Sam’s gift. I’m just glad I don’t have any more siblings I could copy.” Dean said, chuckling a bit. “Imagine that. I’d have to go through another breakout.” Dean laid down, hands under his head, looking up into the clear blue sky. “You know, you should leave here some time. I’m sure you’d be able to control it. You don’t have any problems controlling yourself here, right?” Castiel sighed softly at Dean’s words, laying down next to him. “I wish I could, Dean. But even if I believed I could do it, Chuck would never let me.”

Dean frowned at that, glancing over at Castiel. The name rang a bell, but he couldn’t quite place it. “Who is that Chuck guy? Why would he be able to tell you what to do?” “He’s the headmaster. He has been, ever since this place was founded. His word is law.” Castiel said, closing his eyes, enjoying the warm sun on his face. “But why?” Dean insisted, not understanding. He didn’t want to believe that Castiel was stuck on this island forever. He didn’t want to believe that they would have to part soon. If Castiel could leave the island, they could have more time together. Castiel opened his eyes again, pushing himself up on one arm, turning to look at Dean. “Almost a hundred years ago, the first Gifted were created. They were treated like objects rather than people, sent into battle against their will, tested on. Chuck was the leader of the group that finally managed to convince the civilians that Gifted are just people, special, but people nonetheless. He was there when they signed the contract that ensures we get to live our life with the human rights we deserve. His body ages very slowly, trapping him on this island ever since the Institute was built. There is nothing we could say to convince him to risk violating the contract.” Dean frowned and shook his head. “That might be true but why does it matter? You’re a grown man, he can’t force you to stay.”

“He has been with me all my life. He was the only constant caretaker I had growing up here. I guess in a way he is like a father to me.” Castiel explained and Dean’s expression softened. If there was one thing he understood it was the need to obey your father. Even though John had always been a total asshole, Dean had feared him enough to try and obey his every command. The punishment for disobedience was too unpredictable, too painful. “I just want you to be happy.” Dean said and Cas smiled, leaning down and kissing him gently. “I am happy, Dean. Right now I am happy.”

Dean lifted his head to meet Castiel’s kiss and reached up to place one hand on Castiel’s cheek. “Can I see them again?” He asked, looking Castiel in the eyes, knowing Castiel would know what he was talking about. And Castiel did know. He sat up straight in front of Dean, placing his palms on the floor, letting his energy run into the floor, doing nothing. Slowly, almost majestically his wings unfolded behind his back, casting a shadow onto Dean who was watching wide eyed. “Cas.” Dean said, sitting up too, looking at the dense, black feathers. They weren’t totally black right now though, they were breaking the sunlight and shimmering in all colors of the rainbow. Specks of colorful light danced on the wall behind Castiel’s back as he moved, stretching his wings to their full, impressive size. “You’re beautiful.” Dean breathed, reaching out one hand to touch the soft feathers. This time, Castiel didn’t shy away. On the contrary, he moved his wings towards Dean’s hand, meeting his touch eagerly. Both men breathed in audibly at the sensation rushing through them. It was just like it had been the last time, and at the same time it was entirely different. Where there had been lust and want the last time, this time they felt joy and happiness. Dean smiled widely at Castiel before kissing him deeply, overwhelmed by the sudden light-headedness he felt. Castiel kissed back full heartedly, wrapping his arms around Dean.

Subconsciously, Dean’s mind wandered to the special spot in the back of his head, triggering his gift. Both men pulled back a bit surprised and looked up, laughing as a sort, warm rain shower soaked them both. Almost immediately, startled by the rain, Dean stopped using his gift and the heavy rain stopped, leaving them both dripping. The joy Dean was feeling became too much, too intense to experience over a long period of time and he had to pull his hand back from Castiel’s wing.

Castiel moved a hand through his wet hair and closed his eyes, water steam rising from his wings as he used his energy to vaporize the rain with heat. Dean watched it happen, still amazed at how stunningly beautiful Castiel’s wings were. They were still casting rainbows all over the place and Dean looked around. All the way across the sky above them there was a bright, colorful rainbow, most likely caused by Dean’s rain shower. “This is so cool.” He said, taking Castiel’s hand and entwining their fingers. Even though it was incredibly cheesy, Dean liked the idea that Castiel could make him so happy that literal rainbows appeared.  
“Why do you ever hide them? Something as beautiful and amazing as these wings should always be seen.” Dean said, genuinely not understanding why Castiel would be ashamed of his wings. Of course, they were different, but different was good, right? Apparently not, because Castiel shook his head, folding his wings behind his back without making them disappear yet. “They really shouldn’t. I don’t want to put myself into that position. Even if everyone would accept them, which I doubt, they would still look at me differently. I am not a zoo animal, I don’t exist just to be looked at.” His words sounded more heated than he had intended. It seemed like he had a lot of pent up feelings about the topic. “Of course not, Cas. I just wish everyone could see how astonishingly beautiful you are. That you could see it yourself.” “So you’re saying you want everyone to look at me the way you look at me?” Castiel asked with a playful glint in his eyes, smiling triumphantly, knowing he had won this round as Dean failed to respond.

Instead, Dean leaned towards him again, placing one hand on Castiel’s chin before kissing him in a way that could only be described as possessively. “No.” He finally admitted when he pulled back, leaving Cas a little breathless. “We should go back inside, I can feel myself getting a sunburn.” Dean decided and got up, holding out one hand to help up Castiel. Castiel totally ignored it at first, his wings slowly fading into seemingly nothing as he stood up on his own. Then he took Dean’s hand, smiling. “I don’t think it is possible for you to get sunburnt anymore, handsome.” He said and Dean squeezed his hand, smiling at the nickname. “It is possible for you to get sunburnt though and I didn’t see you put on any sunscreen this morning.” Castiel chuckled at that and walked back around the building with Dean.

“Cas! Gabriel is looking for you.” They didn’t get far before they got stopped by a broad shouldered man. Castiel stopped walking and Dean could see in Castiel’s face that he was not pleased about Gabriel looking for him. Apparently he was still not over what had happened the day before. To be fair, neither was Dean, he thought Gabriel was a total douche. “Benny, this is Dean. Dean, Benny.” Castiel introduced them and Dean gave a short nod before Castiel continued talking. “What does he want?” Benny mustered Dean for a second before turning back to Castiel. “I don’t know. Last I saw him, he was in the cafeteria. You should go talk to him, maybe it’s important.” Castiel rolled his eyes. “It isn’t. We’re talking about Gabriel.” Benny laughed at that, nodding in agreement. “Very true. Anyways, you two have a good one, I gotta go practice.” “Try not to break anything.” Castiel said and Benny smiled, patting him twice on the shoulder before leaving to go into the gym. Dean noticed the way Castiel flinched at Benny’s touch and raised his eyebrows at him.

“He’s strong. Like, super strong. He is still learning not to accidentally break everything he touches.” Castiel explained as Dean looked at him quizzically. “He’s making good progress though, seeing as my shoulder is still intact. Risky, what he just did there.” Cas added, rubbing the spot that Benny just touched. “Wow. That must suck.” Dean said, unable to imagine what it must be like to break everything with a simple touch. “How long has he been here?” Dean asked as they continued walking, taking Castiel’s hand again. “Little more than a month. With all the progress he is making he’ll be able to leave in about three months.” Dean’s eyes widened. “Three months? That’s so long. Do you think I’ll have to stay that long? And Sammy?” Much to Dean’s relief, Cas shook his head. “No. You got lucky, it seems like you got two Gifts that you’ll have to learn to use, rather than to suppress. It’s always easier to learn a new skill than it is to stop yourself from doing something that happens subconsciously. It’s like trying to force yourself to unlearn a reflex. Some people never manage it, Benny is making great progress.” Dean nodded slowly, walking back into the main building. “What about Sam? It seems like he is using his gift as a reflex.” Castiel shrugged, leading Dean to the cafeteria. “True, but just think about how much he learned in the course of one day. He is showing great promise. I am sure you two will be able to leave in no time.” Dean smiled at that, relieved that Sam would not be missing out on too much education. It was important to him that Sam got his scholarship, that he went to Stanford to study law, that his little brother got everything he wanted in life.

“Cassie!” Gabriel exclaimed as soon as he saw them, jumping up from his chair and making his way towards them. “Dean.” He added with a short nod towards Dean, stopping in front of them before turning to Castiel. “I’m gonna need you to switch shifts with me.” He said and Dean looked at Cas, unsure what Gabriel was talking about. The frown on Castiel’s face indicated that he knew exactly what Gabriel meant. “Again? Seriously, Gabe. Why don’t you just tell Chuck to stop assigning you to the Cells?” He asked with an exasperated sigh. Gabriel shook his head. “You know he won’t do that. Please?” Gabriel said, looking up at Castiel pleadingly. Cas shook his head and Gabriel’s hopeful smile dropped. “I would, but I can’t this week, as a new mentor I don’t have any shift that we could switch.” Gabriel frowned for a second before smiling brightly, having an idea. “I could take care of that. You go do my shift, I’ll make sure Dean-o here doesn’t spontaneously self-combust.”

“I don’t know.” Castiel said reluctantly, knowing full well that Dean did not like his brother. “I could go with you. To the shift.” Dean offered, looking at Castiel. He had been wondering about the cells ever since Castiel first mentioned them and was dying to learn more about the psychopaths they held. He had a feeling Castiel would not willingly give him much more information than he already had. This could be his chance to satisfy his curiosity. Castiel looked less than thrilled at the idea, and opened his mouth, most likely to say no, but Gabriel was faster. “Great, thanks guys. You gotta be there in half an hour. See you later.” He said and quickly scampered off back to his table, leaving a frowning Castiel and an excited Dean.

“This is a bad idea, Dean.” Castiel said, his voice sounding even deeper than normally when he was worried. Dean couldn’t help but find that kind of hot. “Oh come on. Please? I’m sure we’ll be fine. It’s not like we have to go in their cells and spend some quality time with them, right?” Dean said and Castiel frowned at him, not saying anything. “Right?” Dean repeated, suddenly feeling less thrilled at the though of having to be in the same room as some psychos.

Castiel sighed in defeat. “Fine. You’re right. Wait here.” He said and strode through the cafeteria, disappearing through a door that most likely led to the kitchen. He came back out a few minutes later, carrying two white boxes. “It is our job to bring them their food, make sure to take everything back out of their cells when they are done and then it is time for their shower. We will let them out of their cells one at a time and supervise them so that they don’t get any wrong ideas.” Castiel explained as he arrived back next to Dean and Dean frowned. He didn’t like the though of having to watch someone shower. Castiel reached Dean one of the boxes and a syringe that Dean had not noticed Castiel was carrying. “This is the sedative that we use in case one of them needs to be knocked out quickly. Your safety is the most important thing today so do not hesitate to use it. There are tasers in the cell block, we will equip them before letting them out for shower time.” Dean nodded slowly, suddenly unsure if he really wanted to do this. “I am quite good with my gift, if everything else fails I am very capable of taking them out. You don’t need to worry. They know the rules and it is very unlikely that they act up, they don’t want to lose any of the privileges they are granted.”

Dean nodded and followed Castiel, who was hurrying to get to the Cells on time. The faster they got there, the faster it would be over. He understood why Gabriel did not want to do the job. If he was entirely honest with himself they freaked him out as well. Someone had to do it though, and Castiel knew Gabriel was too proud to ask anyone else for help. Before he entered the pass code to open the door he stopped and turned back to Dean, looking him in the eyes.

“There are some important rules you will need to follow. You are allowed to talk to them, but don’t expect them to answer. Being locked up here has made them even more insane than they were before. Do not, under any circumstance, look them in the eyes. It is how they use their gifts and it takes only one look for them to get into your head. And most importantly…” “What are their gifts?” Dean asked, interrupting Castiel because he simply had to know. “Most importantly.” Castiel continued pointedly, not liking to be interrupted. “Do not trust anything you hear in there. My voice is the only think you can rely on. Do you understand?” Dean nodded. “Got it. Only listen to you, nothing else. What are their gifts?” He insisted and Castiel sighed softly, clearly stressed about the whole situation. “Alistair inflicts pain, worse than anything you have ever felt before. It only works if he has had eye contact with you, but as soon as that happens he can cause it whenever you are in a room with him, even when you’re not looking. It’s why Gabriel doesn’t want to come here anymore. He thinks he might have accidentally looked him in the eyes but doesn’t want to come back to find out.” Dean nodded, understanding. Given the fact that Castiel knew how painful Dean’s breakouts had been, ‘worse than anything you have ever felt before’ sounded pretty damn terrifying.

“Azazel is worse though.” Castiel continued, immediately drawing Dean’s attention again. “He can get into your head, even if he is not looking at you. He is telepathic, can send you messages into your mind, make you hear things that aren’t really there. He can most likely also read your thoughts.” Dean raised and eyebrow but didn’t say anything as Castiel didn’t seem to be finished. “If you look him in his eyes, he _will_ take control of your mind. He can make you do things, say things, whatever he wants. He is the only reason we ever had to bury someone on this island. He took control of a man named Gordon Walker. Gordon worked a shift, and Azazel tried to force him to break them out. Charlie programmed everything too well though, the outside door only opens if both cell doors are locked and both Azazel and Alistair are in their cells. We came to rescue Gordon, but once Azazel gets into your head, his control also works over distance. Gordon killed himself that same day.”

Dean stared at Castiel for a moment, unable to wrap his mind around what he was hearing. This place was even crazier than he’d expected. “If they really are that dangerous, why lock them up? Why not just kill them?” Dean asked when he found his ability to speak, really starting to regret having come here with Castiel. “That is not my decision to make, Dean. If you’d like to go back, I understand. I can handle myself in there.” Dean shook his head quickly. As much as he hated the idea of going in there with Cas, he hated it even more to think that Cas would have to go alone. “No. I’m fine. Let’s do this.” “Okay.” Castiel said and proceeded the type in the code. He scanned his hand right after and the heavy metal door opened quietly.


	11. The Cells

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, a new chapter. This weekend was very productive.

Castiel scanned his hand right after and the heavy metal door opened quietly.

The hallway in front of him surprised Dean. For some reason he had expected a dark, rotting building with flickering lights and iron bars for cells. This was brightly illuminated by artificial neon light. The ceiling lamps were the only source of light and Dean couldn’t see any windows, only solid steel all around them. At the end of the hallway Dean could already see the shower. It was one single shower head coming out of the metal wall, no walls around it, no curtain, nothing that remotely reminded of privacy. Along the corridor, Dean could hardly make out the four metal doors that were the entrance to cells that Dean couldn’t see, but he imagined they were probably the same uninviting blocks of steel that the corridor was.

 _Hello, Dean_.

They were just about to open a small slot in the wall to push the food through when Dean heard it. He froze, unable to make out where the voice came from. It seemed to be everywhere, resonating from the walls, but at the same time it came from nowhere at all. A cold shiver ran down his spine and he realized it was only in his head and Castiel probably couldn’t even hear it.

 _That’s right Dean. I’m in your head_.

“Cas.” He said, low, warning. The voice in his head was horrible. Sleek and mocking as it continued.

 _He can’t help you now. Nobody can. So nice of him to bring me a new toy to play with. Oh, all the fun we’ll be having_.

Dean flinched at the sensation of a hand on his shoulder, only to realize it was Castiel, trying to get his attention. “Dean, I need you to focus. He is locked up in here, all alone, only his brother to talk to through the link you just felt. He is bored and will make your visit here a living hell if you let him. You can block him out though, you just need to focus on me.” “Okay, I think I can do that.” Dean said and watched Castiel as he slid the food through two of the slots near the floor. “Now we wait.” Castiel said, but Dean didn’t even hear him, all he could hear was that awful voice inside of his head.

 _You can’t block me out, Dean. I am so much stronger than you are. I own you_.

“I never looked at you.” Dean said under his breath and Castiel looked at him, noticing how Dean was just staring past him right now, not focused on anything, clearly listening to Azazel’s voice inside his head. Castiel knew what it felt like, hearing him for the first time. It was as if every conscious thought was taken over by Azazel’s voice. It was possible to fight him though, if you found the will to try. When the two brothers were first brought here, they had not known how to properly control their gifts. It was the only reason people managed to lock them up in the first place. But now, two years later, they had mastered control of their gifts. In here, they had nothing to do except practice on each other. Azazel was strong willed, and Castiel knew that he could read thoughts, Azazel was good at pinpointing insecurities and using them to hurt people.

“Dean.” Castiel said, but Dean didn’t react, not even when he shook him gently.

 _I think you should send that little brother of yours to come visit me some time._ An image flashed before Dean’s eyes: Sammy, lying on the floor in a pool of his own blood, throat slit from ear to ear.

“No.” It was nothing more than a whisper, but Castiel heard it and shook Dean harder as the other man’s eyes filled with tears. “Dean, listen to me!” Castiel raised his voice but Dean was too deep under, he had stopped trying to fight it at all.

 _Or maybe I’ll make you kill him for me. Like you did your old man_. More images, accompanied by feelings this time. A single tear rolled down Dean’s cheek as he relived what must be his worst childhood memory.

 

* * *

 

 

  
John towered over him, a raging giant, ready to start throwing punches. Dean readied himself to avoid him, John was brutal and strong, but he was also very drunk so if Dean was quick he should be able to make it to Sammy’s room without taking a hit. He could lock himself in with Sam, wait until John finally passed out on the couch. “What are you waiting for. Pick it up, you little shit.” Even though slightly slurred, his father’s words dripped with loathing. Dean looked at the bottle that was lying to his feet, spilling liquor. He hadn’t meant to knock it over, but as soon as he saw it fall he knew he was in trouble. Dean didn’t want to pick it up, he knew that John would use his moment of vulnerability to start hurting him. Reluctantly, slowly he bent over to pick up the bottle, keeping an eye on John.

Even though he knew what was coming, the back of John’s hand colliding with his face made him stumble and fall to his knees, dropping the bottle once more. Tears stung in his eyes as his face throbbed with searing pain, but he knew not to cry, crying only upset John further. “I said. Pick it up!” John shouted at his son, making the 14 year old boy flinch before scrambling to pick up the bottle. He placed it on the table carefully and turned to leave, hoping John was done with him. He tried to make his way past John, but his father grabbed his arm, holding him hard enough to bruise. Dean clenched his teeth to stop himself from making any sound and let his father spin him back around.

“Where do you think you’re going? We’re not done here.” Dean watched with wide eyes as his father stepped back a bit and opened his belt, making a point of slowly pulling it out of the loops. He took a shaky breath as the tears finally spilled over, falling from his eyes. “No, Sir, please.” Dean pleaded. He knew what was to come and he hated himself for it, but he was scared. Scared of his own father, scared of the punishment he clearly deserved.

He should have been more careful, he knew how important the drinks were to his father, how hard it was for him to get alcohol ever since he was not allowed the local liquor store. Nonetheless, Dean did not want to be punished, he did not want his father to beat him.

“Come here.” His father’s voice was hard and full of hate, leaving no room for discussion. “No.” Dean tried, sounding weak and pathetic, like the baby he was. John’s face reddened in anger at his son’s disobedience. “I said come here!” He shouted, slapping his belt onto the floor.

The sound made Dean flinch, and something inside his brain clicked. He spun around and sprinted towards the stairs, as quick as his legs would carry him. “Sam!” It was pathetic to call for his younger brother in this situation, but Dean needed him to hold the door open so he could get in the room as quickly as possible. They had practiced this several times already and Sam knew the drill. Dean ran up the stairs, John’s heavy steps close behind him.

“You can’t run from me, boy.” John’s voice was loud and threatening in Dean’s ears and he knew that he had just made everything worse. He should have taken the beating like a good son, he might have gotten away with just a few hits. “I’m sorry, Sir. Please don’t.” Dean tried to plead, just about to reach the top of the stairs. A strong hand wrapped around his left ankle and his foot was pulled from underneath him. Dean fell mid-running, hitting the floor hard. His shin banged against the edge of the last step painfully, but Dean managed to pull his foot from John’s grip, scrambling to his feet and turning around to look at his father. He had never seen him this angry, but then again he had also never spilled any alcohol before.

From the corner of his eye he could see Sammy standing in the door to his room, wide eyes, way too young to understand what was going on. “Lock yourself in your room Sammy.” Dean said firmly, knowing he would not make it there in time anymore. John was already standing at the top of the stairs right in front of him, hesitating for some reason. Dean was breathing hard, wondering what his father was waiting for. That is, until John’s eyes finally wandered from Dean to Sam, who refused to move to save himself. The glint in his eyes was almost evil, and Dean’s legs reacted before his brain could. He used what little distance he had between John and himself, building speed before launching himself at his father, catching him totally off guard. It was the first time Dean had ever fought back, and John stumbled back, his foot not finding solid ground as he was standing right at the edge of the stairs. Dean could see how surprised John was.

Even as he fell he still tried to reach for his son, trying to take him down with him, or maybe just to hold onto something. Either way, Dean felt no guilt as he watched his old man tumble down the stairs. Not even when he heard the loud crack that accompanied his father’s head hitting the floor. The guilt would come later that day, but in this moment Dean only felt relieved to have saved Sammy from his father’s wrath.

 

* * *

 

 

“Dean!” Castiel tried again, almost shouting now. Dean had started shaking, several tears falling from his eyes as Castiel shook him, doing his best to beak Dean from Azazel’s mind control. “Dean, snap out of it!” Castiel said before finally stepping back a bit and slapping Dean across the face, hard enough to make him stumble, head snapping to the side. It seemed to do the trick, Dean looked at Castiel, blinking the tears from his eyes and bringing one hand to his burning cheek.

“Cas.” Dean said, finally back in the here and now. The pain in his cheek was fading quickly and Dean noticed with horror that his face was wet with his own tears. He looked at Castiel, cheeks now burning with embarrassment rather than pain, but Castiel’s eyes met his own, nothing but understanding and concerned. “Are you okay?” Castiel asked carefully, stepping closer to Dean. Dean said nothing, but the tears that filled his eyes again were enough of an answer and Castiel pulled Dean into a tight embrace.

Dean hid his face in the crook of Castiel’s neck. He fought the tears that were threatening to spill from his eyes and pushed the horrible memories back where they belonged, into the dark corner in the back of his mind, to join all his other repressed childhood memories. It had not even been as if he was remembering what had happened, no, Dean had relieved it, felt all the horrible things again. He had just lived through so much fear and pain, it felt good to be held by Castiel, it felt reassuring and safe. He was not that boy in his memory anymore. He was stronger than that and Dean didn’t allow himself to cry, no matter how much he wanted to. He would never be that little boy again. John was gone for good, and Dean didn’t want to linger on the past.

Finally, Dean let go of Castiel, pulling back a bit and looking him in the eyes. “Thank you for snapping me out of it.” Castiel smiled softly and pressed a gentle kiss to Dean’s cheek, right where he had hit him. “Let’s get out of here.” He said and Dean nodded, thankful before remembering their task. “What about the food trays? The shower?” “They will survive a day with rotting food in their cells. Maybe we’re lucky and they stab themselves with the plastic forks. I think it should teach Azazel a lesson if they have to go without a shower for another week or two.” Castiel said, raising his voice to make sure they both heard him. The only reply they got was a loud, tortured shout coming from one of the cells. “Looks like Alistair isn’t too happy about Azazel behavior.” Castiel said and Dean could have sworn he saw a satisfied smile on Castiel’s face before he was dragged back outside. The heavy metal door fell shut behind them and Dean exhaled relieved, closing his eyes, allowing himself to relax. Leaving the cells felt as if a heavy weight had been lifted off him and he smiled at Castiel, feeling much better already.

“What did he say to you in there?” Castiel asked, still very concerned, but also a little curious as to what could make Dean loose his cool this quickly. As expected, Dean’s face hardened, loosing the relieved smile that had snuck onto his face. “Don’t.” He said, looking at Castiel pleadingly. “Please don’t make me talk about it.” Castiel nodded, understanding. He did not have much experience with family, but he could imagine how harrowing Dean’s childhood must have been, having an abusive, alcoholic father. He was almost certain that that was what it was all about, some event in Dean’s childhood. Maybe the time that he got the scar that Dean had mourned the day before. It was hard for Castiel, trying to figure out what was going on in Dean’s head, but he could feel that Dean was withdrawing himself. The connection Castiel felt to Dean was still there and still strong, but it was as if Dean tried to push him out. It probably all came back to the fact that Castiel didn’t know Dean well enough. He could pick up the non-verbal signals Dean was sending, but he did not know what to say to help. Afraid of saying the wrong thing, Castiel decided not to say anything at all. He followed Dean, falling a few steps behind, trying to give him space. Dean didn’t turn to look at him until they reached Dean’s room. “Do we have anything else planned for today?” Dean asked, changing the subject and faking a smile, not wanting Castiel to worry about him any longer.

Castiel noticed how forced Dean’s smile was but decided not to say anything about it, not wanting to give Dean more reason to withdraw himself. “I thought we could talk to Sam about your new gift. Maybe you two can practice together. Like you said, you seem to have copied both your father and your brother, maybe you can help each other learn quicker.” Dean nodded at that. “Yeah, makes sense. I would like to talk to Sam alone for a little while first though. Do you mind waiting in my room?” Dean asked and Castiel shook his head. “No, not at all.” He said and Dean smiled, honestly this time. “Thank you, Cas. I’m sorry about earlier.” Dean shifted from one foot to the other, still feeling embarrassed that he’d cried. Castiel smiled back warmly, taking one of Dean’s hands. “There is no need to apologize. Azazel played with your feelings, your mind. I’ve been there. I hope you know, that - if you ever need to talk about it - I’m here to listen.” “I know.” Dean nodded and squeezed Castiel’s hand one time before turning to go into Sam’s room. “I’ll come get you when I’m done.” He said and knocked shortly twice, before entering the room without waiting for an answer.

Sam was sitting on the floor in the middle of the room, legs crossed underneath him, eyes closed, a thick blanket wrapped around his body. There was some weird, calm music playing and Dean closed the door behind himself, stepping into the room. He shivered lightly, rubbing his arms as goosebumps started to rise immediately. It was obvious that Sam hadn’t noticed Dean coming in, he seemed to be meditating. Dean quietly moved to sit on the floor with his brother. His breath was visible in the freezing room and he had a hard time relaxing enough to focus on using his own gift, but after a few minutes he found the energy inside him. As soon as he reached out to it, the room temperature went up, his body taking what it needed. His fingers had started to become blue, and he stretched them slowly as the blood rushed back into them a little painfully.

“Dean.” Sam sounded surprised to see his brother when he opened his eyes. “How long have you been here?”

“Long enough to almost freeze to death.” Dean exaggerated, smiling at Sam’s frown. “What was that all about?” Sam sighed softly, pushing the now unnecessary blanket off his shoulders. “I’m trying to control it, but all I seem to be able to do is colder, not warmer. So then I thought I’d see how cold it could get. I don’t know why it went warm again all of a sudden, I thought I was still focused.” Dean grinned at him and stood up, holding out one hand to help Sam up. “Looks like that second breakout I told you about was me, developing an improved version of your gift. I made the room go warm.” Sam grabbed Dean’s hand, letting himself be pulled up. “So you’re saying you’re basically Peter Petrelli now?” Dean laughed at that shaking his head. “No, I only inherited both yours and dad’s gift. I don’t copy all gifts in general.”

“How would you know?” Sam inquired and Dean frowned, thinking. He hadn’t even thought about that before, he had just assumed he had inherited all the family gifts. “Well, I mean it makes sense, right? I have the gifts of everyone in my family?” Sam nodded and picked up the blanket, throwing it on the couch. “Yeah, but we would also be the first Gifted you ever came in contact with. How do you know you won’t start developing more gifts because you are meeting more people now?” Dean’s eyes widened a bit at the thought and he shook his head, unwilling to accept that his brother might be right. “That can’t be true. It’s crazy.” “Crazier than controlling the weather or healing third degree burns in just a few minutes?” Dean had no reply to that and simply frowned at Sam, hating the idea more the longer he thought about it. Even though they always were very short, Dean was entirely sure he could not go through another breakout.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peter Petrelli is one of the main characters in the NBC show Heroes. It is one of my inspirations for this story and if you don't know it already, you should totally check it out!
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, if you did feel free to leave Kudos or tell me what you think in the comments. I highly appreciate both! :)
> 
> Have a lovely day.


	12. Chick-Flick Moments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for not posting last friday, I was in Minnesota and turns out the cabin we stayed at did not have any wi-fi. Imagine my surprise :D Anyway, now that I am (finally) back to civilization, here's a new chapter. Enjoy.

_Even though they always were very short, Dean was entirely sure he could not go through another breakout_.

“Dean.” Sam started, seeing his brother’s internal struggle. “I’m sure you’ll be fine.” Dean sighed at that and waved a hand at Sam, motioning him to stop talking.

“Whatever. This isn’t even what I wanted to talk to you about.” He said, and Sam nodded, letting himself fall into the pillows on his couch, looking at Dean. “Okay. Shoot.” He said expectantly when Dean didn’t start talking right away.

A long silence followed, and Sam started to believe Dean wouldn’t start talking at all, when suddenly: “How much do you remember about dad?” The question surprised Sam, Dean usually avoided talking about their father and not once had he brought him up by himself. “Why?” Sam asked, not knowing where to start. Even though John had died almost ten years ago, Sam would probably never be able to forget how horrible he was when drunk.

Dean frowned at Sam, trying hard not to get annoyed with him for not answering his question right away. “Please just.. Just answer the question. What do you remember about him and most importantly the day he… died.” There, he said it. Dean had never talked to anyone about what had happened that day. The police had ruled it as an accident and he had never corrected them. Nobody knew and even Dean himself had tried his best to forget, but now it had all bubbled up again. He had to know if Sam remembered that he was the one who killed their father – and if so, why he never said anything about it.

Sam’s curious face softened and he sat up straight, looking up to his older brother who was still standing in the middle of the room. “I remember that he was always drunk. That he sometimes left for days on end, leaving you to take care of me. I remember all the times we hid in my room because he was raging about something stupid. I remember that you always took the blame, even when I did something wrong, and that that is the only reason he never once beat me.” Dean sat down next to Sam, he couldn’t listen to this standing up. He fixed his eyes on the black TV screen, avoiding to look at his younger brother. “I remember that you are the only reason I had something that remotely felt like a childhood. And I never got to tell you how thankful I am that…” “Don’t.” Sam stopped talking, taken aback by how harsh Dean’s voice sounded all of a sudden. “Don’t thank me, Sam. I was a horrible brother and an even worse son. I provoked dad so many times. You deserved better, you deserved to know what it’s like to have loving parents. A loving family. I am sorry you didn’t have that.” Dean kept looking away from Sam, even as he felt Sam shift to sit closer to him. “I had you, Dean. That was more than enough. Dad was a drunk and an asshole, he was looking for excuses to let his anger out on somebody. You gave them to him, so that it wouldn’t be me who gets beaten. Don’t think I never heard you two downstairs. I will never forget what it sounded like, the sound of his belt against your skin. The sound of you –“ Sam interrupted himself as Dean closed his eyes, body tense. “Did you know I always hid underneath my bed? I thought that, maybe, if I hide and put a pillow on my head I wouldn’t hear it. And if I wouldn’t hear it, maybe I could pretend like it wasn’t happening. I should have helped you, I should have stopped him. I am the one who should be apologizing.” Sam’s voice broke with the last words and Dean looked at him, shocked to see tears welling in his younger brother’s eyes.

“You couldn’t have done anything, Sammy. You were just a kid.” Dean said reassuringly and Sam nodded, wiping the back of his hand across his eyes. “Exactly, and so where you. Except you never got to be a kid because you had to take care of your annoying little brother.” Dean smiled a bit at that, looking at his hands, folding them on his knees. “Do you remember what happened the day dad died?” So that’s what all this is about. Sam thought, looking at Dean intently, waiting for him to look back at him before he spoke. “Yes.” He said, watching all color drain from Dean’s face as his older brother finally made eye contact.

Dean swallowed hard, looking for something, anything, to say. How could Sam remember what had happened almost ten years ago and never talk about it? Sure, Dean had shut him down every time Sam mentioned their father, but Sam had never told anybody else either, otherwise Dean would have gotten in trouble for murdering someone.

“I saw what happened that day, remember? I was the one who called Bobby while you were still standing there, staring at dad’s body. You…” Sam couldn’t stand it anymore, Dean was looking so miserable. He leaned forward and pulled him into a hug, wrapping his long arms around Dean’s torso securely. “You saved me, Dean. You saved both of us.” Dean hugged him back, hesitantly at first, then stronger, clinging onto his younger brother.

“I am sorry, Sam. I am so sorry you had to see that.” Dean said, and Sam smiled softly, pulling back from their embrace. “Don’t be. I am sorry you had to live with this all by yourself. You’re not a horrible brother. You’re my hero, always have been.” He smiled even more, watching Dean blush.

“Okay, Sammy. Chick-flick moment over.” He said, smiling back a bit. His felt as though a big weight had been lifted off his chest. He had always dreaded the day when Sam remembered or found out that Dean had been responsible for their father’s death. His worries had been unwarranted, Sam had known all along.

“Speaking of chick-flicks, how’s Castiel.” Sam changed the subject, grinning widely. “I see you’re still doing your walk of shame.” Sam said, hinting at the fact that Dean was still wearing the same clothes he had worn the day before. Dean smiled at that, shaking his head. “Not a walk of shame, not really.” He said, and Sam smirked doubtingly. “So you’re saying you didn’t spend the night in his room?” He asked and grinned even more when Dean shook his head.

“No. I’m saying it is not a walk of shame because nothing happened between us.” Dean looked away, avoiding Sam’s gaze as his grin was replaced by a surprised gape. “You mean you didn’t have sex but stayed over anyway? Who are you and what have you done to my brother?” Dean rolled his eyes, getting up. “Not that I need to explain myself to you, but his brother walked in on us. Held a speech about not wanting to stand in the way of Cas’ first time. Kind of ruined the mood. Total douchebag.” Sam’s eyes widened a bit. “Cas is a virgin?” Dean nodded, purposefully keeping his face neutral, not wanting Sam to think it bothered him.

“Seriously, Dean. What the hell.” He said and Dean frowned at him. “What?” Sam shook his head, disapprovingly. “Nothing.”

“Sam.” Dean said firmly, not liking the judging look he was getting.

“I just thought you’d have more class than that, Dean. Did you ever care to ask why he is still a virgin? Maybe he’s waiting for a reason?” Sam sounded so genuinely offended by the thought that Dean couldn’t help but grin. “Do I have to have a talk with Jessica? She taking advantage of you?” He said, grinning even more at the look Sam gave him.

“Shut up, Jerk. I’m serious. He seems like a good guy, don’t play with his emotions like that.”

“Gee, Samantha, I am sorry if I hurt your delicate feelings. I happen to like Cas, I’m not playing.” Dean said and even though he was mocking Sam, his face was serious. Sam’s judgmental expression softened and was replaced by something else, almost pitiful. He stayed silent and Dean sighed. “I’ll go get Cas.” He said, done with the conversation and turned to leave the room.

Sam was still standing in the room when they returned, typing away on his phone. “Where did you get that?” Dean asked after walking back in the room without knocking at all. He hadn’t exactly missed his phone up until now, but was now reminded that he didn’t have it.

“Kevin had it. What were you getting Cas for?” Sam replied without looking up from his phone.

“Dean seems to have copied your gift. It would only make sense for the two of you to practice together, exchange knowledge.” Castiel replied for Dean, stepping in the room behind him.

“Okay then. Gotta admit though, I don’t really understand this whole thing. It just sort of happens, it is very hard to control.” Sam said, putting away his phone. “How do you do it? I am pretty sure I was the only one that the made it rain earlier.”

Dean looked out of the window, surprised to see the floor outside wet with puddles. He had been so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he had not even noticed how bad he had made Sam feel. “I don’t do anything if I don’t want to. It’s not like my healing thing, I can feel it inside me, but I have to reach out to it to make something happen. When I do, whatever happens seems to be pretty random though.” Dean explained and Castiel stepped closer to him, shaking his head. “It is not random at all, it is closely connected to your emotions.” Dean looked at him with a smile, reaching out to take his hand. Of course he noticed Sam’s gaze dropping to their hands and the smile spreading across his face. Surprisingly, he found that he didn't care what Sam thought. If he wanted to touch Cas, he would.

“How would you describe your gift, Sam? What does it feel like for you?” Castiel asked, not noticing the look Dean was giving Sam, daring him to say something. Castiel stepped even closer to Dean, leaning against him, subconsciously searching for more physical contact and Sam averted his eyes, unable to hide his grin from Dean.

“It feels like my emotions are more intense, less controllable. They build up inside me and I feel this incredible rush of energy. Seems like there is nothing I can do to stop it.” Sadly enough, Castiel knew exactly what Sam was talking about. “And when I give in to it, the weather changes. I didn’t realize how dangerous that was at fist. When I thought I could control the lightning, it was all just a matter of getting myself into the right head space to make it happen by itself and then clinging onto the feeling, controlling it. Instead, it controlled me and I almost killed Dean. Sorry about that.” He said with a nod directed towards Dean, which Dean replied with a genuine smile.

Castiel nodded. “Next time you feel like it is about to happen you need to fight it with all you have. It will be hard and it will be frustrating but the more often you do it, the easier it’ll be and eventually your body will do it as a reflex. Two weeks after that reflex kicks in, you’ll be good to go home.” Castiel explained, remembering how he had learned to control his own gift.

“Wait, what?” Sam frowned. “Kevin said I could leave right after I learned control.” Castiel was taken aback by the sudden anger in Sam’s voice. “I am sorry that he misled you, but the same rules apply to everyone. Two weeks minimum.”

Dean frowned at Sam, not understanding his sudden rage. He had never seen his brother emotional like this, the gift must have really changed him. “Sam, calm down. It’s okay, it’s just a few weeks.”

Sam shook his head and Castiel watched through the window as dark clouds rolled closer, darkening the sky. “It’s not okay, Dean. The school's anniversary dance is in three weeks, I’m really looking forward to it and Jess will hate me if we can’t go.”

“Sam, fight it. Don’t let the feeling take over. You’re stronger than your gift.” Cas said calmly, letting go of Dean’s hand as he stepped closer to Sam. Sam looked at him irritated, remembering that he wanted to control it. He tried not to give in to the feeling bubbling up inside him, pushed it away with all the mental strength he could muster. Castiel’s calm voice helped, grounding him, giving him something to hold onto. “You can do it, Sam. That’s it. Don’t give in, no matter how impossible it feels. You have to fight it if you want to get out of here.” Sam had to close his eyes, too distracted by Dean’s worried expression and suddenly, the feeling was just gone. He opened his eyes to see both Castiel and Dean smiling at him.

“That was great, Sam. Every time you feel your gift trying to work it’s way through you, you have to fight it like you just did.”

“Good job, Sammy. That wasn't so bad now, was it?”

And Dean was right, it really wasn't. They spent the rest of the day in Sam's room, sitting on the couch, each of them testing or showing what their gift could do. Sam made progress very quickly and Castiel explained how hard it had been for him to learn to control his gift, causing Sam to beam with pride. Dean, who was sitting right next to Castiel with an arm wrapped around his shoulders, demanded Castiel should show them everything his gift could do and so Castiel did. He only ever released a little energy at once, making sure not to accidentally reveal his wings to Sam. He started off with light, holding up the palm of his hand and illuminating the room, smiling at the way Sam's eyes widened. He had already forgotten that Sam and Dean had not grown up in this world. Most gifted grew up knowing what their fathers could do and used to casual displays of the supernatural. Sam and Dean on the other hand had never known their father's gift, everything here was still very new to them.

Then he showed off his take on electricity. It was a side of his power that he had only discovered recently and he had not perfected it yet, but rubbing his fingers together to create a bit of electric crackling seemed enough to impress both Winchesters.

Next was heat. This one was a bit trickier to demonstrate since it was not visible. Castiel sat up, moving away from Dean a little bit in the process. He gathered heat in the palm of his hand, explaining what he was doing. “How hot does it get?” Dean asked, looking at Castiel's hand skeptically.

“Let's just say you wouldn't want to be touching my hand right now.” Castiel replied with a smile, still holding out his hand. “Oh come on, I bet I can take it.” Dean said, reaching out to grab Castiel's hand, but Castiel was quicker, pulling it away. “Dean, I'm serious, we're talking second degree burns here. I don't want to hurt you.” “I've had worse. I'll heal, remember?” Dean said with a confident smirk and Castiel smiled back, narrowing his eyes challengingly. “Don't say I didn't warn you, tough guy.” He said and pressed his hand to Dean's shoulder, causing Dean to flinch away from the pain. “Ah, fuck.” Dean exclaimed, looking at the bright red handprint on his skin. “That really is hot.” Castiel chuckled low, watching as the burn mark started to fade already. Dean grinned at him, wanting to show him that he was not hurting anymore and pulled him close again. Castiel snuggled against Dean's side, pulling his legs up onto the couch. He looked up into Dean's green eyes, smiling, feeling incredibly safe and calm in his arms. Dean smiled back and lowered his head, kissing Castiel gently. Castiel practically melted into the kiss, relaxing, bringing one hand up to rest on Dean's chest. Dean's arm tightened around him, holding him close as the kiss deepened. Dean placed his free hand on Castiel's thigh, all but pulling him onto his lap.

It wasn't until he heard exaggerated gagging noises coming from the other end of the couch that Cas remembered they weren't alone. Immediately he pulled back, pleased to see that Dean looked about as flustered as he felt. “Sorry, Sammy.” Dean said and smirked at his younger brother. Castiel's cheeks burned with embarrassment and he hid his face in the crook of Dean's neck.

“Get a room, you two.” Sam said, sounding more amused than annoyed.

“We are in a room.” Dean said, still holding Cas close as he ran a hand down his back.

“Yes, _my_ room, jerk. Let's call it a night shall we.” Sam replied and Castiel finally looked up at him, smiling apologizingly.

“Sounds good to me.” Cas said and tried to stand up but was held back by Dean's strong arm around his waist.

“Dean.” He said, grinning at the younger man. “Not so fast.” Dean replied and pressed one last chaste kiss on Castiel's lips before letting him go and getting up with him. “Good night, bitch.” Dean said and Sam rolled his eyes as Castiel got dragged out of the room by a very enthusiastic looking Dean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think in the comments or by leaving Kudos, it really helps make my day. Either way, thank you for reading, I hope you liked it. Have a great weekend. <3


	13. First Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit shorter and purely smut, sorry about that. Next week will further the plot, I promise.
> 
> Also, I updated the warnings. I know I said the tags would be updated as I go, but I feel a little guilty since I knew where this story was headed before I even started writing it. The character death does not happen in this chapter but it will happen eventually, so this is your heads-up.

_“Good night, bitch.” Dean said and Sam rolled his eyes as Castiel got dragged out of the room by a very enthusiastic looking Dean_.

Castiel let Dean drag him along, waving goodbye to Sam before the door fell shut behind them. He willingly followed Dean into the room next door, laughing as Dean turned to look at him with the biggest smile on his face. “What’s that smile all about?” He asked, and Dean leaned forward, shutting the door behind Cas and pushing him up against it in the process. “This.” He said simply, placing both hands on Castiel's hips and kissing him once more. Dean could feel Castiel's smile against his lips as Cas placed a hand on the small of Dean's back, pulling him to stand closer. His other hand moved up Dean's neck, long fingers tangling with slightly too short hair. Dean gently nipped at Castiel's bottom lip, tugging it before backing away altogether.

A wide grin spread across his face as Castiel tried to follow him and recapture his lips. Dean avoided the kiss, even stepping back and letting go of Castiel.

“So.. About my phone. Do you have it?” Dean acted as if nothing had happened and Castiel blushed as he was left confused and embarrassingly breathless. Given the fact that Dean seemed entirely unfazed by their kiss, Castiel turned his head to avoid Dean's gaze, suddenly reminded how mortifyingly inexperienced he was.

Unsure of how to react to the situation, Castiel cleared his throat and licked his lips nervously. “Yes. Uh. No. I mean, I think it should be here somewhere?” Never before had Castiel felt more awkward. He looked at Dean, who was as devastatingly handsome as ever, even with his hair messed up by Castiel’s clumsy hands. The amused expression on Dean’s face was infuriating and Castiel frowned at him. “You’re an ass, you know that?” Castiel snapped and clenched his jaw as Dean started laughing out loud. “It is not funny.” He said coolly, knowing full well that Dean was just teasing him. Two can play that game.

“Oh come on, it’s a little bit funny.” Dean said and couldn’t suppress the grin that was spreading across his face again. It amazed Dean how easy it was to tease Castiel. The man who had seemed so intimidating and powerful at first sight was now standing in front of Dean, breathless and blushing. His grin faded as he noticed how hurt Castiel actually looked. “Relax, man. I’m just teasing you.” He said and gently placed a hand on Cas' arm. Castiel just continued glaring at him, so Dean smiled softly and lowered his head to kiss Cas once again, for real this time. It was Castiel's turn to avoid the kiss, face stern, jaw clenched. He still did not talk and Dean took a step back, dropping his hand from Castiel's shoulder. Castiel looked him right in the eye, still leaning back against the door, seemingly waiting for something. An apology, maybe? Dean couldn't come up with a better reason for the challenging look in Castiel's eyes, so of course, he started apologizing. “I'm sorry, Cas. I was trying to make a joke. It was stupid, I shouldn't have…” Dean interrupted himself as he noticed the amused smile that Castiel was failing to hide. He narrowed his eyes at him, but couldn't help grin back as Castiel gripped his shirt and pulled him close again, smiling openly now. “You tricked me.”

“Relax, man. I'm just teasing you.” Castiel said, badly imitating Dean's voice. Dean laughed at that and Castiel just smiled as their lips met once again.

Starting out sweet, their kiss became heated quickly as neither man could keep their hands off the other. Dean’s lips parted and Cas took the invitation, sliding his tongue into Dean's mouth. One last step was enough to close the tiny gap between their bodies. Dean placed his foot between Castiel's, never breaking the kiss as he pushed his thigh up against Castiel’s crotch. A small moan slipped from Cas' lips and Dean ran his hands along Castiel's chest, feeling, touching. There were too many layers of clothes separating them. As if reading Dean's thoughts, Castiel's hand dropped from Dean's hair to the hem of his shirt, tugging gently. Dean complied, breaking the kiss to pull off his shirt and instantly Castiel’s hands explored the newly revealed skin.

Castiel rested his head against the wall, closing his eyes as Dean pressed hot, open mouthed kisses against his neck. He knew Dean could feel his cock hardening in his pants as Dean pressed harder against him, providing such delicious friction. The moan that slipped from Castiel's lips was almost embarrassingly loud and he brought Dean's face back up to his own with his hands. He kissed him again, hungry for more, attempting to muffle the sounds Dean elicited from him. Dean kicked off his shoes and Cas barely succeeded in suppressing the disappointed whimper as Dean broke the kiss once more. In doing so, Dean gave Castiel the opportunity to finally pull his own shirt off. He felt hot in his own skin, breathing hard as he looked into Dean's eyes.

“How do you want to do this?” Dean's voice was even deeper than usual, his raspiness sent pleasant shivers down Castiel's spine. Castiel took in the sight of the incredible man in front of him. Castiel was still mesmerized by Dean's eyes. Even -or maybe especially- now that his pupils were blown wide with lust, leaving only a thin ring of their beautiful green. Dean's full lips were perfectly pink and so kissable, Castiel subconsciously licked his own lips before letting his eyes trail further down. Dean's hairless, muscular chest was heaving with deep breaths, and his flat stomach sported a happy trail that made Castiel seriously regret not having put more effort into getting rid of Dean's pants. Cas shamelessly looked at the bulge in Dean's pants, trying to imagine all the things he wanted to do with this perfect man.

“I don't know.” He finally said, looking back into Dean's eyes. It was true, he could not decide which scenario he wanted most, he just knew that he wanted Dean, and he wanted him right now.

Dean waited patiently as Castiel considered his answer. He had not really expected a helpful answer, so Cas' lack of input didn't surprise him. He simply nodded, holding the eye contact Castiel searched and the lust he saw in Castiel's face made his own cock twitch with want. Instantly, Castiel's body crashed into his own, knocking the air out of his lungs as needy lips were pressed against his own. Dean stepped backwards, leading Castiel towards the bed, hands fumbling to open Castiel's pants.

Kicking off his shoes, Castiel assisted Dean in taking off his pants. He huffed out a laugh as Dean pushed him to sit of the bed. “Eager much?” He asked, looking up at Dean who just looked back at him with lust filled eyes. Dean took off his own pants and, never breaking eye contact, straddled Castiel's lap.

Castiel’s eyes rolled back and fluttered shut as he felt Dean's hot breath against the skin of his neck. Dean pressed open mouthed kisses to his sensitive flesh and Castiel’s breathing quickened as he thrust his hips up in search of friction. He could _feel_ Dean's deep moan as their hard cocks brushed together, separated by only the thin fabric of their boxers. He slid his hands down Dean's back and dipped his fingers under the boxer’s waistband, gripping the globes of Dean's ass.

“I want you to fuck me.”

Dean's hot breath against his ear sent pleasant shivers down his spine, but it was his words that caused him to groan loudly. Dean's voice was rough with lust, and Cas turned his head to meet his lips, kissing him passionately. Gentle, but firm hands pushed him to lie down and Castiel watched as Dean started rolling his hips, rubbing their clothed erections together.

Dean tried to hold eye contact, he wanted to watch Castiel's beautiful face, but he was so riled up that he couldn't bear it any longer. The drag of Castiel's length against his own had him rolling his head back, mouth falling open in a silent gasp.

“Dean.” It was a plea, and a warning. Castiel's hands found Dean's hips, stilling him, not wanting this to end too soon. Dean pulled himself together, taking a deep breath before looking back at Castiel. The other man looked so helplessly turned on, Dean's dick twitched with want.

“If you want me to fuck you, we have to do it right now. I need you.” Castiel was impressed with himself that he was still able to string full sentences together, all of his coherent thoughts circled around Dean and what they were about to do.

Dean stood up and walked to the nightstand, praying to God that they had moved his lube and condoms. A relieved smile spread across his face as he retrieved both from the top drawer and he turned back to Cas, holding the items up in triumph.

Castiel moved up on the bed, looking at Dean expectantly and Dean was once again reminded that Castiel had never done this before. He would have to make it good for him. Dean unceremoniously pushed down his underwear and, now fully naked, crawled up the bed. Dean had wanted to put on a show for Cas, but he felt the same urgency that he could see in Castiel's eyes so he made quick work of opening himself up for Castiel.

It had been a while since he last bottomed, but ever since he had first lain eyes on Castiel's perfect cock, Dean had wanted it inside of him. He was stretching himself too quickly and it burned as he pushed the third finger inside. Castiel must have picked up on the pained expression on Dean's face, his eyes widened and he placed a gentle hand on Dean's cheek. “We don't have to do this. I don't want to hurt you.” And it was so genuine and sweet, Dean moaned softly, leaning forward to kiss Cas again, panting into the other man's mouth as his own fingers worked in and out of his hole. “I want to.” Dean said quietly, wrapping his free hand around Castiel's length.

Dean heard the squirt of the lube and groaned hard as he felt Cas reach around him, another finger stroking Dean's rim before pressing in, stretching him further. “I need you.” Dean breathed, nothing more than a whimper and pulled out his fingers, convinced he was stretched enough to take Castiel's cock. He added generous amounts of lube onto Castiel’s cock, slicking him up efficiently.

Castiel moved away from the headboard and lay down on the bed, holding his breath as Dean lowered onto Castiel's erection. “Oh god.” Deans words were nothing more than a whisper, but Castiel heard it and he felt the same as the head of his cock was suddenly engulfed by perfect, wet heat.

Dean eased down Castiel's length slowly, slower than both he and Cas wanted, but he did gain anything from hurting himself. Castiel's hands gripped Dean's hips, hard enough to bruise as the older man struggled to hold still, trying to give Dean the time he needed. Both of them let out a choked gasp as Dean's ass finally hit Castiel's thighs. Dean stilled for a moment, getting used to the stretch and the fullness and Castiel tried, but failed not to squirm beneath him. Dean ran his hands along Castiel's torso, touching, feeling the incredible man beneath him. Dean moaned deeply and rolled his hips once, watching Castiel's face as he teased him.

Castiel whimpered as Dean continued to tease him mercilessly. He couldn't tear his eyes off Dean's body, watching his muscles move underneath the smooth skin as Dean writhed on Castiel's cock. He tried to stay still, tried to give Dean all the time he needed, but as perfect as the friction was, it wasn't enough. He wanted, no he _needed_ more. With a desperate groan Castiel sat up, wrapping his arms around Dean and snapping his hips up to meet Dean's movement. He clung to him, face merely an inch away from Deans. He could feel the other man's hot breath on his face as Dean gasped at the sudden change of pace.

They continued moving like this, wrapped up in each other’s arms, panting into each other’s mouths. The change of angle had Castiel's cock nailing Dean's prostate with every upstroke, and before long Dean was moaning loudly, unable to keep his voice down. “Cas. God, fuck.. Fuck yes. Cas.” The words that were pouring from his lips were nothing more than a mix of swearing and Cas' name and he had to rest his head on Castiel's shoulder, only held up by the other man's incredible strength.

“Dean.” The single moaned word was the only warning Dean got before he felt hot cum streaking his insides, slicking his walls further. Dean wrapped his hand around his own leaking cock and it took only one stroke before he tumbled over the edge with Castiel, shouting his name, shooting cum all over his own and Castiel's stomachs.

Castiel collapsed onto the bed, Dean's heavy weight making it nearly impossible to breathe. Luckily, Dean rolled off of him, lying on his bed next to Castiel, panting just as hard.

“That was…” Castiel started once he had rediscovered his ability to speak, but trailed off in lack of a sufficient word.

“Wow.” Dean concluded, rolling on his side to look at Castiel. He was met with the most content look in Castiel's eyes and Dean had a fluttering feeling in his chest as Castiel leaned over to him and kissed him gently, almost lovingly.

Castiel pulled Dean into his arms and they cuddled for a little while before Dean sat up with a reluctant groan. “We should take a shower.” He said, looking at the mess he had made of both their stomachs. Castiel frowned just as reluctantly and pulled Dean to lie back next to him, holding him tighter as he didn't want him to leave. “Later.” He said, pressing his lips against Dean's shoulder.

They stayed like this, Dean very much enjoying his position as little spoon as Castiel covered his shoulders and the back of his neck in soft kisses. Dean was just about to doze off when his stomach rumbled loudly. Castiel chuckled softly and kissed his shoulder one last time before letting go of Dean. “Shower and then food. We haven't eaten since breakfast.”


	14. The Calm before the Storm

_“Shower and then food. We haven't eaten since breakfast.”_

They took their showers separately after realizing this shower was too small to fit both of them without constantly rubbing against each other. It wasn't that they didn't like the idea of that, on the contrary, they knew if they wanted to actually leave to get food they would have to keep their hands to themselves. Dean, who had showered first and was already dressed sat on the bed, shamelessly watched as Castiel picked up his clothes and put them on. “Enjoying the show?” Castiel said, purposefully lowering his voice and locking eyes with Dean as he buttoned up his pants.

“Definitely.” Dean replied with a smirk and crossed the room, pulling Cas close. Their plan to keep their hands off of each other was quickly discarded and they indulged in a make out session that had both of them panting in no time. Castiel finally pulled back and rested his head on Dean's shoulder, smiling against the crook of his neck. “We really should get going.”

“Hm. We should.” Dean replied, lazily stroking through Cas' hair, inhaling the other man's scent as he placed a soft kiss on his shoulder. “You'll have to put on a shirt though, that gorgeous body is for my eyes only.” Dean said as he finally stepped back. He was half joking, half serious but the way Cas' eyes widened at his comment made him blush. He had no right to be acting possessively. Luckily, Castiel didn't care to comment and simply pulled on his shirt that was lying at their feet.

Again, they held hands on their way to the cafeteria, but unlike last time Dean didn't even let go as they walked in. Being in a secluded area without any possibility of running into anyone he knew, it was very easy to be himself. Dean smiled at Cas and gently squeezed his hand, before redirecting his attention to the available food. They were serving what looked like a vegetable casserole and Dean couldn't help but frown at the server as he piled a bunch of greens on his plate. “Where's the meat?” He blurted out, still frowning. He had not had anything since breakfast, there was no way he would survive on rabbit food.

“Dean.” Castiel scolded as he took his own plate, but Alfie simply smiled. “I think Adam is preparing burgers in the kitchen. It is not quite time for the main course yet but I could go to check if he already finished a few.”

“Please do.” Dean said, face lighting up at the mention of burgers.

“You're the worst.” Castiel said incredulously, laughing at Dean's lack of manners. “Like a 4 year old.” Dean chose to ignore him in favor of smiling at Alfie who came back out of the kitchen with a tray filled with what looked like Hamburgers. “You're lucky Adam works fast. Suit yourself.” Alfie said and Dean nodded, loading two burgers onto his plate before hesitating for a moment and deciding to add a third. “Thanks, man.” He said and walked to a table with Castiel, sitting across from him.

“Don't give me that look.” Dean narrowed his eyes at Cas, who eyed Dean's burgers doubtingly.

“Vegetables are an important part of a healthy diet, Dean.” Castiel said and Dean sighed deeply. “Not you too. I already hear enough of that crap from Sam. And look.” Dean said, taking his hamburger apart and pulling out the slice of tomato. “Vegetables.” He said triumphantly and placed the slice on his plate before licking the sauce off his fingers.

Cas sighed exasperated as Dean picked up his burger and started eating it without putting the tomato back on. “It only counts if you actually eat it.” Dean just grinned at him and Castiel rolled his eyes, finally starting to eat his own food. They talked while they ate, it was simple small talk, just two men getting to know each other better. Dean enjoyed it immensely, he liked that Cas was unintentionally funny and the way he tilted his head when he didn't understand why Dean was laughing. Considering the way that Cas grew up, Dean was surprised how easy it was to converse with him. He was exceptionally smart and almost every subject that Dean brought up, Castiel had something interesting to add. I was clear that Castiel liked to stay informed about everything that was going on in the world, and Dean respected that. If he had grown up on a secluded island, he knew he probably wouldn't give a damn.

“Which state do you live in?” Cas asked, genuinely interested about everything concerning the “outside world” as he liked to call it. Dean pushed his plate away, wiping his mouth with a paper napkin as he already finished all his burgers in record time. “Sammy and I grew up in Lawrence , Kansas. After our father died we moved to Maryland, just outside of DC.”

“Does that mean you have seen the White House? The Lincoln Memorial?” Castiel asked, face suddenly lighting up with renewed interest. Dean smiled softly, reaching for Castiel's hand. “I have been to the Mall. Yes.”

“That must have been so exciting. I have always been very fascinated with History.” Castiel said and Dean's smile faded. He remembered well, how unexciting he had always found sightseeing. Sure, it was impressive to see giant statues and nice buildings, but he had never cared enough to really appreciate how privileged he was. Especially in DC, given the fact that most of the Museums were free. If it hadn't been for Sam's nerdiness, Dean was sure he would have never even set foot in one of them. It wasn't fair that he had all the opportunity to do things he didn't care for while Cas was stuck here, clearly yearning to see more of the world.

“You should come visit me sometime, we can go together.” Dean said before he could think about it and Castiel smiled a sad smile as he shook his head. “You know I can't leave here, Dean.”

“I still don't get that. Why does Chuck have the power to decide whether you want to leave?”

“I cannot guarantee that I am always in control. We cannot risk exposure.”

“Bullshit.” Dean blurted out, way more heated than he had intended. Castiel flinched at his harsh tone, frowning softly. “It is not my choice, Dean. It is too big of a risk.”

“When was the last time you slipped, then? The last time you unintentionally revealed your powers.” Dean asked challengingly and Castiel pulled his hand from Dean's grip. He didn't understand where the sudden hostility came from and felt that Dean had no right to treat him like this.

“I don't remember, Dean. And honestly, you are way out of line here. You don't know me, don't presume to know what I can and can't do.”

Dean was taken aback by Castiel's sudden change of attitude. His smile had faded, replaced by that same careless mask that he had worn when he first entered Dean's room. His voice was calm, but the words stung.

 _You don't know me_.

The worst part was that Castiel wasn't wrong. They barely knew each other, but Dean still felt strongly enough for Castiel that he cared. He cared that Castiel was unhappy here, that he longed to see what the planet had to offer. He hadn't meant to offend or even hurt Cas with his words, he would never do that on purpose, not to him.

“I am sorry, Cas. It's just that I don't like the idea of you being stuck here for the rest of your life. You should get to do whatever you want, go wherever you want. And as selfish and stupid as it might be, I don't want to have to leave and be without you forever. You're important to me.”

Castiel stayed quiet for a long time after this reveal, long enough to have Dean squirming in his seat, blushing with the thought that Castiel might reject him. His eyes widened as Castiel pushed his chair back and stood up. For a very horrible moment Dean imagined Cas walking out on him. Before he could finish his thought, Castiel had already started moving. Not away from him, but around the table and towards him. Dean sat and watched, not moving ad Castiel leaned down to him, gently kissing him.

“It's not stupid, Dean. I care for you as well.” Dean smiled stupidly at Castiel, leaning up to kiss him once more, bringing one hand up to cradle Cas' face.

“Oh my god, you two are so sweet!” A female voice exclaimed behind them and Castiel stood up straight, turning to smile at Charlie who walked towards them quickly and pulled Cas into a tight, warm hug. “It's nice to see you, Charlie.”

Dean arose at the sight of the energetic redhead approaching them. He smiled friendly and tried to offer his hand. “I’m…” He was interrupted as Charlie treated him like Castiel, practically throwing her tiny frame at him, hugging him tightly.

“Dean Winchester, of course. Castiel has told me all about you. And he didn't exaggerate, you really are handsome. Such pretty eyes.” She said dreamily and winked at Dean who threw Cas a glance, unsure which one of them was blushing more. Of course Charlie noticed and smiled brightly. “This is so exciting. You’ll have to tell me all about you, Dean. You're making Castiel very happy.” She announced as she hooked her arm under Dean's and practically dragged Dean out of the cafeteria. Castiel stayed behind, watching as Dean turned to look at him, seemingly helpless as Charlie questioned him. His face was burning with embarrassment and he looked around, searching for a rock to crawl under. Sadly enough, the cafeteria did not have any rocks to offer and Castiel sighed deeply before following the two of them. If Charlie was going to talk to Dean he would have to make sure she did not reveal all of the cheesy things he had told her about Dean. Their relationship wasn't evolved enough for that.

“Ok, Dean, listen up.” Charlie stopped Dean outside of the cafeteria, eyeing him seriously. She was too nice to actually look threatening but her expression was definitely serious. “Castiel cares about you very much. If you so much as think about breaking his heart, I promise you they will find data on your laptop that will send you to jail for the rest of your life.” She said seriously before smiling brightly, contradicting her serious threat. From what Dean knew about her, he was convinced that she was not bluffing and could in fact make her threat reality.

“You don't have to worry about that, Charlie. I would never do anything to hurt Castiel.” He said, meaning every word.

Charlie eyed the man in front of her one last time, deciding that she might accept him. His answer seemed genuine and even though she totally preferred the ladies, she could appreciate a handsome male face. She could see Castiel coming towards them and Dean's whole face lit up as Castiel hugged him from behind, pressing a quick kiss to Dean's cheek. Yep. She definitely liked him. Only here a few days and both of them already seemed head over heels for each other.

It wasn't until then that she noticed the dark marks on Castiel's neck and her eyes widened. “Are those hickeys?” She exclaimed excitedly, eyes wandering from Castiel to Dean and back to Castiel. “Bitch, why didn't you tell me? I, your best friend and most definitely the most important person in your life-“ She made sure to playfully narrow her eyes at Dean as she said these words. “I deserve to hear about these kinds of things! From now on, I demand to be informed about every dirty little detail of your relationship.”

“Yeah, like that's gonna happen.” Dean said sarcastically, wrapping one arm around Castiel. “A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell.” Charlie smiled at him, knowing full well Castiel wouldn't be able to resist her nagging. “Whatever you say, hon.”

Castiel sighed deeply, laying his head on Dean’s shoulder. “Shouldn't you be off, doing something computer-y?”

“I’m so happy to see you too, Cas. But you're right, I should get going, Chuck wanted to see me. Peace out, bitches.” She said with a bright smile, and just like that she was gone.

“I apologize for her behavior.” Castiel said as the two of them started walking as well, not really planning it but ending up walking on the beach, Dean's arm still slung around Castiel's waist, Castiel's hand in Dean's back pocket.

“No need, she's just watching out for you.” Dean said, smiling at the way Castiel tilted his head as he didn't understand. “Why, what did she say?”

“That she would send me to jail if I ever hurt you. You must be very important to her.”

Castiel smiled at that, stopping to look at the water. “As important as she is to me.”

 

“Are you Dean Winchester?”

The sudden loud voice behind them made both men turn around. The man that was approaching them had flowing grey hair, a beard and a serious, almost threatening aura. “I am.” Dean said, instinctively stepping forward to block Castiel from the stranger. All his instincts told him this man was dangerous.

“What is going on, Cain?” Castiel, who obviously knew the man didn't care for Dean's attempt to protect him, he knew Cain and he knew he would never hurt anyone purposefully.

“I have a message to deliver.” Cain said and grabbed Dean by the throat.

“Dean!” Castiel shouted, figuring out Cain's intentions too late. He watched, eyes wide with horror, as Cain's skin made contact with Dean's, who almost immediately slapped Cain's hand away. “What the fuck, man?!” Dean exclaimed, ready to fight Cain further, but the older male only stepped back, looking at him calmly. Dean looked at Castiel as if to ask him what the hell was going on, when suddenly he felt it.

It started out as a lump in his chest that seemed to grow each second, making it progressively harder to breathe. His left arm seemed to start cramping and he pressed his right hand to his chest, struggling to breathe. He stared at Cain, wondering what he had done to deserve this. His vision blurred and he got dizzy, falling to his knees as Castiel was too shocked to react.

“Dean, oh god no, Dean.” Castiel snapped free from his shock as soon as Dean's knees hit the sand. He dropped to his own knees in front of him, holding him upright as Dean stopped breathing, and his body went limp. “No, no, come on, Dean. Dean breathe. Please no.” Castiel felt his throat tightening as tears stung in his eyes. This couldn't be happening. Cas shook Dean gently, trying to force him to regain consciousness, but Dean's head only rolled back, eyes closed.

“You shouldn't have brought your boy toy.” Cain's calm voice behind him snapped Castiel back into reality. He let go of Dean's body, carefully placing him in the sand and arose, turning around to Cain. “What have you done?” His eyes started glowing white as his rage fueled the energy inside of him. He raised a hand, ready to blast Cain away when he noticed the white object Cain was carrying. “Thank you for the meal.” The older man said and just like that, stabbed himself in the main artery.

Cas's eyes widened as dark red liquid spilled out and ran over Cain's hand, dripping into the white sand. Cain opened his mouth as if to say something but out came only a gargling noise and a spray of blood drops, splattering across Castiel's face. Cain sank to the floor, twitching one last time before finally stilling for good, bleeding out into the sand.

Behind Castiel, Dean suddenly jerked awake, coughing violently and still clutching his hand to his chest. Castiel spun around, relief flooding through him, overwhelming him. The tears that had stung in his eyes before finally spilled over as he pulled Dean close, holding him protectively as Dean tried to regain his breath. “Breathe. You're fine. You're alive.” Castiel didn't know whether he was trying to soothe Dean or himself. He had been certain that he had lost Dean. Cain's touch gave heart attacks, killed immediately. That's what had happened and yet here Dean was, alive and breathing, slowly calming down as he clutched Castiel close.

“Oh my god.” Dean’s first words were rough from all the coughing and his eyes were wide as he looked at Cain's dead body in the sand. “Did you do that?” Dean asked, letting go of Castiel enough to look him in the face, finding it blood spattered and streaked with tears.

“No. He did it to himself.” Castiel explained weakly, looking at Dean cautiously, as if afraid that he might just start dying again.

“What the hell.” Dean frowned, glancing at Cain one last time before looking back at Castiel, suddenly more worried about Cas than about himself. “Why are you crying?” “I thought I'd lost you. You should be dead.” Castiel managed to say, new tears filling his eyes. Dean shook his head, pulling Castiel close again, letting him press his face into the crook of his neck. “No, Cas. I'm here. I'm good. I'm not that easy to kill.” This time it was Dean who muttered soothing words, holding Castiel until he had calmed down.

He inhaled Dean's perfect scent one last time before finally pulling back and letting go. “You don't understand. It's what he does. His power was that his touch caused other people to have heart attacks. Nobody ever survived that.”

“He won't hurt anybody ever again.” Dean said and looked at the body again, dead blue eyes staring back at him.

“He was not a bad man, Dean. He did not choose his gift any more than you did. He would have never hurt anyone on purpose. “ Castiel said, also turning to look at Cain.

“Then what was this all about? He got pretty damn close to killing me.” Dean frowned and they stepped closer to the body, inspecting it, cautious not to touch him, unsure if the gift would still work even after the man died.

Castiel paid extra close attention to the object that was stuck in Cain's neck. Something about it was familiar, and he had a really bad feeling about all this. What was the last thing that Cain had said? _Thank you for the meal._

A cold chill ran down Castiel's spine as he realized what the white object was that Cain had stabbed himself with. It was the broken off and sharpened end of a plastic fork. The same fork that they gave to the prisoners in their meals.


	15. Control

“Dean, we need to tell Chuck about this.” Castiel said, finally tearing his eyes off the first dead body he had ever seen. “I think the prisoners broke free somehow. This is bad, Dean. Really bad. We need to put the island under lockdown, tell everyone to stay in their rooms.” He started quick-walking towards the main building. Time was of the essence if they wanted to prevent a catastrophe.

“Wait, what?” Dean asked incredulously, unsure how Castiel came to this conclusion. He jogged after Castiel, barely keeping up with him without having to run.

“Chuck has to cancel all outgoing and incoming flights, we can't risk them leaving this island. Charlie will be able to locate them. Go to the cafeteria, alert everybody there. Then go and find Sam, lock yourself in his room with him. Do not open the door for anyone.” Castiel said and spun around as Dean grabbed his arm. “Cas, slow down. How can you be so sure?”

“The fork, Dean. Cain stabbed himself with the fork that we left in the cells. I need to go tell Chuck, he will know how else to proceed. You need to alert as many people as possible, get everyone to go to their rooms.”

“I'm not leaving you.”

“Do you want Azazel to take control of everyone? Or Alistair to torture them? Go, Dean. I'll be fine.”

Dean frowned deeply, opening his mouth to reason with Castiel, but he already strode off. “Now, Dean!” The barked command did not leave any room for objection and Dean caved, hurrying to get to the cafeteria.

 _Dean_.

The single word echoed through his mind, momentarily confusing him, erasing every other coherent thought. Dean shook his head, pulling himself together before finally entering the cafeteria, relief flooding through him as he spotted Sam sat at a table with four other men, one of which Dean recognized as Kevin.

“Everybody listen up!” Dean shouted, even before he reached the middle of the room. Several conversations stopped and suddenly everybody was looking at him. “The prisoners have escaped. Cain is dead. Everybody needs to go to their rooms right now, lock yourselves in, do not look anybody in the eyes.” It was not the most elaborate speech and probably not the best plan, but it was all they had.

_It is nice to see you alive, Dean._

Dean ignored the voice, walking towards Sam who had gotten up, confused look on his face. “What's going on?” He asked and Dean gripped his arm, pulling him with him, trusting that everyone else would do as they were told. Right now it was most important to get Sammy to safety. “I'll explain everything once we got to our room, but right now we have to get to safety, okay. Just follow me.”

 _Look at me_.

Dean suddenly felt the incredible urge to look left and managed to stop himself by pure instinct. “Do not look anyone in the eyes, Sam. Keep your head down. He's here.”

Sam simply did as he was told, he had no idea what was going on, but he knew his brother well enough to know that this was serious. He kept his eyes glued to the floor as he was dragged along the corridor. He did not see the man that stepped in front of him until it was too late and he had already bumped into him. “Sam, no!” Dean's shout came too late, he looked up into the face of a stranger. The man had dark hair and apart from his unnaturally fair skin, there was nothing special about his appearance. His smile could have seemed friendly if it hadn't been for the cruel look in his eyes. It wasn't until those eyes flashed yellow that Sam realized his mistake. “You are mine now, Samuel.” The man’s voice was cold and ran shivers down Sam's spine. “Why don’t you come with me? We’re gonna have so much fun together.” Sam did not want to, it was the last thing he wanted to do but he couldn't help himself. His feet followed the man's orders before his mind could decide not to.

“Sam!” Dean watched helplessly as the man, he could only imagine was Azazel, led his little brother away. He barely managed to avert his eyes realizing soon enough that the man was turning back to look at him. He avoided the man's gaze as his stomach twisted painfully. His little brother was gone. He hadn’t expected this loss to physically hurt, but it did. It spread through his body, a searing hot pain threatening to rip him apart. Unable to stand any longer, he fell to his knees, shouting out in pain. People came rushing to his help but he didn’t hear them. He didn’t see them. His vision was blurry and he drifted off, finally surrendering to the unconsciousness consuming him.

He woke up in unfamiliar surroundings. His head hurt where he had hit it when falling onto the floor, and his muscles were weak. Weakened by his latest breakout. He did not know how many more he would have to endure, but for a moment he felt hopeless. Afraid that he would never be able to leave this island again. For a moment, a short, blissful moment he did not remember what had happened. His only fear was the prospect of having to learn yet another gift, possibly one that he would not be able to control as easily. He did not remember that his brother was gone, taken by possibly one of the most cruel killers in the world.

Castiel was by his side sitting at the bed that was not his. “Where am I?” Dean’s voice was weak. He struggled to sit up but a firm hand to his chest held him down. ”Don't. You have a concussion. You need to relax.” It was Meg’s voice, failing to soothe him, as memory came rushing back. “Sammy.” He managed to croak, worried about his little brother more than his own health. Castiel smiled at him, reassuringly. _Fake_. “Your brother is all right. You need to rest. You can see him when you’re better.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it. I cant be hurt. I will not rest. I want to see my brother.” Dean was furious. It was obvious, that Cas was lying to him. The man did not have the steadiest face when lying and Dean was not buying one second of it. “Where is he?” Castiel’s smile faltered and he avoided Dean's gaze. “We don't know.”

“I'm sorry?” Dean asked, certain he must have misheard that.

“We don't know.” Meg jumped in to Castiel’s rescue as it was obvious Castiel was afraid of Dean's reaction. And rightly so, Dean sat up suddenly, voice booming as he jumped out of the bed he was unnecessarily lying in. “What do you mean _you don’t_ _know_ _where he is_?! This is a secluded island. There’s only so many places he could be. Why are you not out looking for him? What are you doing here sitting around my bed, watching me wake up when you know full well that I will be fine. He could be killed this very moment. Maybe he’s dead already, just because you _wasted_ your time with me.”

“You had another breakout. We needed to see that you’re not dangerous.”

“ _Dangerous_? I’ll tell you what’s dangerous! That maniac running around with my brother. Stop worrying about me and start worrying about Sam! Why are you so calm about this?” Dean was shouting, angry and worried by Castiel’s apparent carelessness.

“He will not kill him. Alistair is still locked up, we think Azazel is holding Sam hostage to make a deal. He will not make a move until his brother is out of the cell and safe. Right now, the best we can do is stay in here. Until we locate him nobody is safe outside of their room.” Castiel tried to reason, but one look at Dean was enough to tell that reasoning would not work. He was too afraid to loose his brother to listen to reason.

“Listen up, Cas. I don’t care how dangerous it is out there. You can stay here for all I care, but I will go out and find Sam. Don’t worry, I will make sure not to look at anyone.” Dean said and walked to the door, ready to fight anyone who would dare to stand in his way. Anyone but Meg. The small woman stepped in his way, placing one hand on his chest. Her gaze was firm as she appealed to his reluctance to hit a woman.

“Don’t be stupid. How are you going to find them if you can’t look at anyone? Take this, it will help you.” She said and placed a pair of sunglasses in his hand. They were pink mirror aviator sunglasses and Dean looked at her quizzically, pausing to think for the first time since he woke up. She was right, he could not go out there without any preparation. “Why would I want these?” It dawned on him as he spoke. “If he can't see my eyes, I'm good?” Meg nodded shortly and he nodded back, thankful for her help.

“I'm coming with you.” Castiel stepped next to him and Dean shook his head decidedly. “Not gonna happen. You said it yourself, it's too dangerous. I won't risk loosing two people in one day.”

“I get that I can't stop you from going, but you can't stop me from coming with you.” Castiel said stubbornly and placed his hand on the door handle, ready to leave. Dean stopped him, holding the door closed. “You don't even have any protection. It is too dangerous.”

“If the situation was reversed, what would you do?” Castiel asked, looking Dean straight in the eyes. There was something in his gaze, a sort of confidence and determination that made it clear he was not going to back off from this. “Fine.” Dean agreed reluctantly, handing Castiel the glasses. “You take these. You know your way around better, I will keep my head down.”

Castiel took the glasses, knowing Dean was right. “I don't know how well developed his gift is. He might not be able to get into your head while controlling Sam, we can use that as our advantage. When we find them, we have to try to get close and knock him out. He can't do mind tricks when unconscious.”

Dean smiled grimly, liking the idea of knocking Azazel out. “Sounds good, let's go.”

Castiel put the sunglasses on and under different circumstances Dean would have laughed. Now he just took Castiel’s hand and opened the door, carefully stepping out of the room. “How long was I out?” Dean asked as they walked along the empty corridor.

“About half an hour. Do you feel any different? Any new gift?” Castiel looked at Dean, worried about his wellbeing.

“No.” Dean said simply and it was the end of their conversation. They walked in silence, Castiel looking around for any clues, Dean keeping his head down just in case.

They found them in the library. Dean had never been there but managed to suppress his urge to look around at the impressively big shelves stuffed full with books. Castiel stopped walking, squeezing Dean's hand, whispering to him. “I see Azazel. Sam is with him, he seems to be unharmed.” Dean closed his eyes, sighing in relief.

“Castiel. Dean. I was wondering when you would come. And just in time for negotiations.” Azazel's voice was smug, and Dean clenched his teeth, eyes trained on his own shoes.

“You know we cannot give you what you want, Azazel. Let the boy go, he has nothing to do with this.” Castiel's voice was demanding as he stared at Azazel, eyes safely hidden behind the mirrored glasses.

“I don't think you understand how negotiations work, Castiel. I have something that you want. To get it back you have to give me something that I want. A brother for a brother, I think it is very fair. Almost poetic.” Azazel said, walking closer to them, eyes trained on Dean who heard the movement but didn't dare to look up.

“Just leave the island. Let my brother go and leave us alone. Take the win.” Dean said, closing his eyes tightly, entwining fingers with Castiel. Azazel's cold laugh ran shivers down his spine. “You see, there's a problem with that plan. To do what I do, I need my brother. We're a team. I'm the mastermind, he's the artist. Give him a blade and , oh, the _things_ he can do.” Azazel sounded genuinely excited and Dean swallowed hard, suddenly wanting to throw up.

“It is not going to happen. You should have left when you had the chance. Chuck called in the authorities. In less than an hour this place will be swarmed by elite troops and you will be taken back into custody. How they treat you depends on your further actions. Let the boy go.” Castiel watched Azazel’s movement, willing him to come closer as he was almost close enough to touch. Dean froze at Castiel's bluff, hearing the lie, hoping that Azazel wouldn't notice.

“I think you might not be motivated enough yet.” Azazel said and turned his back to Castiel as he looked at Sam. “Samuel.” Castiel was about to leap onto Azazel as Sam, who had stood entirely motionless throughout the whole exchange, suddenly started moving. He revealed the big blade he had been holding behind his back and slowly turned it against himself. His eyes sought out Castiel's and a single tear ran down Sam's cheek as his body did no longer follow his own will. He did not want to do it, he did not want to hurt himself. His eyes were the only thing that revealed the pain he was in as he slowly dragged the blade across his arm. Blood filled the thin line and spilled over, running down and dripping off his fingers onto the white floor.

“I am sorry, Sam.” Castiel said and turned his head away, unable to watch as Sam raised the blade again, this time pointing it to his lower abdomen.

“No!” Dean, who had tried his best not to look up couldn't bear it anymore. Castiel’s words scared him and he raised his head just in time to see Sammy stab himself with a giant kitchen knife. The sound he made was so angry it sounded almost inhuman and Dean lurched forward, tackling a very surprised Azazel. He didn't even care to make sure he didn't look Azazel in the eye, he just gave one well placed punch to the chin and Azazel's head crashed into the floor, knocking him out.

There was only time for one last thought Azazel planted in Sam's brain, just before he was knocked out. His last attempt to get back at Castiel and Dean for locking him up again. His last way of playing with them, the way he had played with so many of his victims before them.

Castiel called some people in to help him lock Azazel up again, while Dean carried Sam back to Meg's room. Even as Sam smiled at his brother, thankful for the rescue, the thought was there, dominating Sam's will.

 _Dean Winchester needs to die_.

It was an impossible task to fulfill at the moment, bleeding and weakened as he was. Sam knew he did not stand a chance against his brother now. He would have to be smart about this, wait until he was healed and wait until he was alone with him. Dean trusted him, let his guard down around him so it should not be a problem to take him out.

Dean placed Sam onto the bed that he had been lying in less than an hour ago. Meg was waiting for them with a med-kit as she had foreseen that there would be injuries. Sam winced as the knife shifted a little with the movement of lying down. Dean had refused to pull it out as he feared he might damage something by pulling at the wrong angle.

Meg on the other hand had no such inhibitions. She grabbed the knife and pulled it out with one swift motion, professionally ignoring Sam's pained shout. Unceremoniously she cut Sam's shirt open and stitched him back together, working neatly and efficiently.

“Few days rest and you’ll be good as new.” She said with a smile before turning to Dean. “Tell me what happened.”

Dean gave a quick summary of the events that had occurred, ending with the fact that Azazel was being locked up again in this very moment and that everybody was safe again. Meg nodded at that, glancing at Sam doubtingly. Then she grabbed Dean by the arm and walked out the door with him, closing it behind them to prevent Sam from hearing what she had to say.

“What about the boy?” She asked as soon as the door fell shut.

“What about him?” Dean replied, unsure what all this secrecy was about.

“You said Azazel controlled him. Are you sure he is not still influenced by him? You better keep an eye on him tonight, make sure he doesn't try to hurt himself again.” She said softly, looking Dean up and down before changing the subject, feeling she made her point. “How are you feeling? Is the newest gift showing itself yet?”

Dean shook his head in response and she sighed softly. “Too bad. I would have loved to be the first to see it. You're really special, you know. Never before has anyone developed three gifts. It's quite fitting actually.” She added with a smile, eyes flicking past Dean, looking at Cas who came towards them, up the long corridor.

“What is?”

“You and Cas. The Angel and the Special One. You and your boyfriend are truly remarkable.” She said with a wink, causing Dean to blush furiously. _Boyfriend_. He had never had a boyfriend before, but now that she said it, he quite liked the ring of it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks you for reading, I hope you liked it! Let me know what you think in the comments or leave some Kudos, it means a lot to me and really helps motivate! Anyways, I hope you have a lovely day :) <3


	16. Who is in control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally had other plans for this chapter, but then this sort of happened. Thus the delay, sorry about that.

_He had never had a boyfriend before, but now that she said it, he quite liked the ring of it._

The blush in only deepened as Castiel stepped up against him, body flush with Dean's back as strong arms wound around Dean's middle. “Hey, handsome.” Castiel said with his gravelly deep voice and Dean thought his head might just explode as he felt the other man's lips drag along his ear, his breath hot against his skin. He couldn't suppress the low sigh escaping his lips as Castiel continued pressing soft kisses to his neck and his shoulder.

Meg cleared her throat and Dean’s eyes flew open. He couldn't recall closing them, but then again, Castiel's actions had left his head a little blood deprived. He could feel Castiel's erection pressing against his ass, and even though Castiel's hands were only resting on his lower stomach, his touch was sending tingly pleasure right to Dean's dick.

“I hate to interrupt, but your brother is waiting right through that door.” She said with a sly smirk, eyes shamelessly trained on the bulge forming in Dean's pants. “Because as much as I would love to see this show, I meant what I said. You should not leave him alone tonight.” Her eyes wandered up Dean's body, but instead of looking at his face she looked over his shoulder at Castiel. Even though Dean could not see Cas' face, it was clear that there was some sort of unspoken communication going on. It took a few moments of rapidly changing facial expressions before Meg finally threw her arms up in defeat.

“Fine, Clarence. But only because I love you and I like seeing you happy.” She said with a fake annoyance that was only contradicted by the soft smile she gave. It wasn't until she turned to walk back into Sam's room that it dawned on Dean what she had just agreed to.

Dean could feel Castiel's smirk as he resumed teasing Dean, sliding his hands lower, brushing his palm over Dean's crotch. The wave of pleasure washing through Dean was much more intense than should have been possible for such a simple touch. He gasped surprised and his hips bucked as Castiel's hand lingered, continuously stimulating Dean with what felt like vibrations.

Cas' other hand slipped under Dean's shirt and started toying with his nipple. Dean whimpered, needy, rubbing his ass against Castiel's erection. His head rolled to one side, exposing the long line of his neck as he went totally compliant under Castiel's touch. Castiel immediately took advantage of that, kissing and sucking at Dean's skin, reveling in the taste and the scent of his lover.

Dean let Castiel shove him into his room, away from any prying eyes that might have watched them in the corridor. He whimpered at the loss of Castiel's hands, wanting the pleasure they brought, needing it like air. Castiel had only been touching him for a few minutes and he was already more turned on than he had ever been before. As soon as the door was closed and locked, Cas was back on him. Their lips smashed together in a passionate kiss and Dean groaned at the way Castiel manhandled him, practically throwing him onto the bed.

“Do you have any idea what you do to me?” Castiel's voice was deep with lust and Dean sat up, watching mesmerized as Castiel palmed himself through his pants, taking some of the pressure off before efficiently undressing. Before he knew it, Castiel had pushed him to lie back and hovered over him, naked and glorious. Dean shivered at the sight, fumbling to take of his own clothes. His task was complicated due to the way Castiel was pinning him down, but after some awkward shuffling he was finally free of the confinement of his clothes. Cas never stopped touching him, teasing him. Every inch of newly revealed skin was kissed, licked and caressed with gentle lips and fingers, leaving Dean panting and trembling with lust.

An incredibly intense wave of pleasure washed through Dean and he moaned loudly, looking at Cas with wide eyes, blushing at the soft smirk on the other man's face. “What… What is that?” Dean's voice was wrecked, barely more than a whisper. He groaned loudly, hands frantically searching for something, anything to hold on to as Castiel's hand wrapped around Dean's shaft, seemingly vibrating. It was stimulating Dean in a way that he had never been stimulated before and he threw his head back, moaning, uncaring that he did not receive an answer.

Castiel himself was painfully hard, watching Dean fall apart under his touch had him leaking precome in no time. He had used his own gift to stimulate himself before, so he knew exactly what Dean was feeling. He kissed Dean again, swallowing the hot sounds falling from Dean's lips. The younger man was trembling with pleasure and Castiel let go of Dean's cock, not wanting to end this too soon. Immediately, Dean's hands unclutched from the sheets and were on Castiel, one hand tugging his hair gently, the other finding Castiel's erection. Castiel moaned filthily at Dean's touch, dark, velvety wings spreading above them as Castiel let his gift take over.

Dean couldn't help himself, he just had to touch them. Without bothering to ask for permission his free hand reached up. Hot pleasure surged through him as his fingers tangled with the soft feathers. Both men groaned in unison and Dean's orgasm caught him with surprise. He came with a shout, splattering both their stomachs in cum, Castiel's name on his lips.

Castiel moaned at the mix of pleasure and pain as Dean tugged at his feathers. He forced himself not to give him, watching as Dean came beneath him. Nobody was even touching Dean's cock at the moment and Castiel had never seen anything hotter. “Fuck..” He mumbled, replacing Dean's hand with his own, jerking himself to completion.

Castiel rolled off Dean, careful not to squish his wings. They kissed lazily, still basking in the afterglow of their orgasms and Castiel wrapped one arm around Dean, leaving just enough room for him to turn to his side. And so Dean did, snuggling against Castiel, sliding his own arm around him, lazily stroking the feathers of the wing closest to him. The feeling that spread through both of them was warm and fuzzy, intensifying the truth that neither of them was ready to acknowledge.

They were utterly and helplessly falling for each other.

 

 

 

  
Sam sat up as Meg dragged Dean out of the room. The movement disturbed his wound and he winced, dropping back down into his pillows. He kept his eyes trained on the door, willing it to let some sound through, wondering what she was telling Dean. _Does she know? No. How would she?_ Sam was certain he had not shown any interest to kill Dean. _Not yet_.

Once again he sat up, more carefully this time, purposefully ignoring the searing pain in his abdomen. Meg had not even bothered to give him anything against the pain, but the clarity of his mind was working to his advantage now that he spotted what he was looking for. For a moment he considered reaching for the knife that was still stained with his own blood, but chances were that people would notice it missing. He stifled a pained groan as he leaned forward, reaching for the pair of scissors that was lying at his bedside. He pushed it under his pillow and lay back down, relaxing as the pressure on his wound lessened.

Sam had not planned to kill Dean right away, but it never hurt to have a plan and if he just used enough force, surely he would be able to ram the scissors into his older brother's main artery. They had been sharp enough to cut through his shirt like butter. What? No. It was the first reluctant thought he had. He did not want to kill Dean. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” He mumbled to himself and reached under his pillow, ready to put the scissors back where he found them but froze as the door opened, hand wrapped around the scissors, hidden under his pillow. Maybe, if Dean came close enough, he would be able to do it right away. No. He couldn't will himself to let go though, only relaxing momentarily when he realized that Meg was alone.

“Where's Dean?” He asked, unsure whether he what he was feeling was just curiosity or regret over a missed opportunity.

“Off to shag his boyfriend. Come on, let's get you out of this room, you don't want to be right next door while your brother is getting laid.” Meg said and approached the bed. Panicked, Sam tightened his grip on the scissors. If he got up she would see them and would want to know what he was doing with them. “I don't think I can get up.” He said quickly, hoping she would not force him to go. She was right, Sam had not liked the sounds coming from his brothers room the night before, but this was more important.

_Get rid of her._

That wasn't his own thought.

_I might be locked away but we already made the connection. You're mine now._

Sam gulped, shivering at the realization whose voice it was that he was hearing. Azazel was still in his head, controlling him from his cell.

_Get rid of her. Then get out of your bed and kill Dean. Do it now, Samuel._

He hated his full name. His father was the only one that had ever used it, only when he was drunk and angry.

“Sam.” Meg's gentle hand on his shoulder drew him back to reality. “Are you alright?” She asked, and Sam realized she must have talked to him when he was focused on Azazel.

“Uh. Yeah. Would you mind getting me a shirt from my closet?” He asked, proud of his quick thinking. He could hide the scissors while she was distracted. Meg smiled at him and nodded, turning her back to him as she looked through his closet for a shirt. Quickly and without thinking about it, Sam pulled the scissors from under his pillow and sat up. Ignoring the tearing feeling in his stomach wound, he pulled up his legs and stuffed the scissors in his sock, pulling the leg of his pants to hide them just in time, placing his feet on the floor as Meg turned around.

“Oh no, no. You cannot get up by yourself, you're gonna pull out your stitches.” She said and was by his side immediately, inspecting the bandage covering his wound, soaking up the fresh blood oozing from it. “Looks like you already did. Lie back.” She said decidedly, pushing him down again and removing the bandage. “You're lucky you didn't die today, Sam. If you want away from this island, you should heal up as quickly as possible. You do that by resting and not moving.”

_Tick tock, Samuel. Get rid of her. Kill him now._

Azazel's voice distracted Sam from the pain and he didn't even wince as Meg pulled his stitches and redid them. He knew very well that the sudden urge to punch Meg in the face did not come from him, but he could barely keep himself from lurching at her when she finally finished putting him back together.

**I don't want to do that. I need to heal up before I stand a chance against my brother.**

Sam focused on the presence he felt in the back of his mind and sent the words, thinking them over and over again, just to be sure.

_I think you don't know how this works yet, Samuel. You're my slave, you'll do as I say._

**I'm nobody's slave and I will _not_ kill anybody.**

_Stop breathing._

**What?**

He didn't get an answer and didn't understand why Azazel would ask him to stop breathing. It wasn't until Meg asked him if he was okay that he realized that he, in fact, had stopped breathing and could not start again. He opened his mouth but no sound came out as he was unable to release the air from his lungs. His eyes widened in panic and he gripped Meg's arm, holding on for dear life.

**Stop. Please stop.**

He silently begged the presence in his head, unable to do anything else. His lungs were screaming for air. Normally the reflex to breathe would have kicked in already, but now it couldn't and all he was left with was agony and fear. His vision started getting blurry and he was certain that this was it, this was the way he would go, when:

_You can start breathing again._

Relieved he sucked in a breath of air, filling his lungs with much needed oxygen. He closed his eyes, not hearing the questions Meg was asking, still clinging onto her arm as he tried to catch his breath.

_You are not the one in charge. You are my slave and I demand you to get rid of her. Right now._

It was as if a switch had flipped inside of Sam. Before he could decide how to proceed, his body had already moved on it's own. He took Meg by surprise as he suddenly pulled her arm, brutally twisting it behind her back. She shouted in surprise and pain, too surprised to do anything about it at the moment.

Though younger, Sam was much taller and stronger than Meg and within seconds she found herself lying on her stomach, pinned against the bed. Sam held her down with rough hands, standing over her. Her arm was so painfully twisted that she was sure her shoulder would pop with a single wrong movement.

“Sam!” She called out to him, hoping to snap him out of whatever control he was under.

“I don't want to hurt you.” Sam said. His actions contradicted his gentle words as he held her down, unsure of how to proceed. He continued holding her down with one hand, reaching for the scissors in his sock with the other. Again, he could feel that this was not a movement he should be doing with the wound in his stomach, but he did not have a choice in the matter.

His grip loosened a little as he bent down and Meg took the opportunity, snaking her thin wrist from his grip. She did not want to hurt Sam either, but she had a feeling that, whatever task Azazel had given Sam, he would not be able to stop. Maybe rendering Sam unconscious would do the trick. Quickly Meg rolled onto her stomach and pulled up her legs, kicking Sam in the stomach with all her strength before he could get a good grip on her again. His eyes widened in disbelief as he fell to his knees, pressing his hands to his stab wound. Meg took the opportunity to jump up from the bed. Even though her little stunt had distracted him for a few seconds, he was already getting up again and Meg looked to her bag helplessly, the way to it blocked by a very intimidating and angry looking Sam.

_Kill the bitch._

“Sam, please. This is not you.” She said pleadingly, only now noticing her scissors in his bloody hands. More blood was trickling down his stomach as the bandage was fully soaked already. She tried not to let it distract her as Sam suddenly stepped towards her, attacking her with the scissors.

Meg had no experience fighting and she made it out alive by sheer luck. She ducked under Sam's arm and punched the bandage, trying not to hold back as she was still reluctant to actually hurt the boy.

Sam's mouth fell open in a silent, pained shout and he fell to his knees once more, vision blurred by searing hot pain. Meg moved around him and pulled the sedative from her medical bag. Before Sam had the time to collect himself, she had already sunk the needle in his neck and Sam could feel the cold liquid entering his veins. In a last attempt to fulfill Azazel's order, Sam balled his hand to a fist and punched her in the face, feeling a sick surge of triumph as he watched her fall backwards and crash into the nightstand. He rose to his feet one last time, determined to end her. Quickly, she was trying to get up, eyes panicked as he rose the scissors, planning to stab her until she finally stopped squirming.

Meg knew the sedative would work fast, which is why she was taken by surprise as he punched the side of her face, right under her left eye. She hit her back painfully and fell to the floor, hearing the clatter of things falling off the nightstand. This couldn't be, Sam should already be passed out. But there he was, standing above her, murderous look on his face. She closed her eyes, only hoping for a quick end, but it never came. Instead, she heard a loud thud as Sam fell to the floor, no more muscles working to slow his fall. She looked at him, relieved to see the scissors were lying next to Sam and he had not accidentally stabbed himself while hitting the floor. Meg felt a little dizzy but she did not have time for that right now, Sam was still bleeding and she was certain that she had worsened his condition considerably.

The boy was a lot heavier than he looked and she had to try twice to roll his giant body onto his back. She did her best to patch him up again before simply leaving him on the floor and lying down on the couch to close her eyes for a moment. The sedative would keep Sam knocked out for at least five hours and she felt she deserved a moment to herself before calling in for help. She relaxed, relieved at the way the room stopped spinning when she closed her eyes, and very determined to ignore the sounds coming from the room next door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. Feel free to let me know what you think in the comments or by leaving Kudos. Have a great day!


	17. Guilt and Pain

Castiel and Dean were so caught up in the moment that they did not hear any of the fighting going on in the room next door. Blissed out and smiling like idiots they were lying face to face, holding each other. “What was that all about?” Dean asked, contently snuggled against his lover's body, resting his forehead against Castiel's as he gazed into his eternally blue eyes. Castiel smiled softly, stealing a kiss before contemplating his answer. Dean retuned it, smiling as Castiel's wings wrapped around them, forming a cocoon made of black feathers and warmth, separating them from the outside world. Their legs were tangled, hidden beneath the blankets and though unfamiliar, Dean enjoyed this closeness, it felt right.

“I was just glad I didn't lose you today.” Castiel finally said, moving one hand to caress Dean's cheek. Dean closed his eyes at the gentle touch and let himself enjoy it for a while before turning his head and kissing Cas' fingertips. “I'm glad I didn't loose you, too.” Dean replied earnestly, resting his own hand on the back of Castiel's neck and pulling him in for a long, slow kiss.

They nearly didn't hear the knock at the door. Dean seriously considered ignoring it, but Castiel pulled back with a frown on his face. “What?” He said loud enough to be heard outside of the door, even from under their cocoon.

“Castiel, open the door.”

Gabriel, using Cas' full name. Castiel sat up, his wings disappearing in an instant. Something bad must have happened. He placed a final kiss on Dean's pouting lips and stood up, wrapping the blankets around his waist as he walked to the door.

“Hey.” Dean protested as Castiel left him entirely exposed and quickly placed a pillow in his lap before Castiel could open the door. Without waiting for an invitation Gabriel stormed into the room. “You two need to get dressed, right now. Your brother beat up my girl.” Gabriel said, pointing an accusing finger at Dean.

“What?” Dean frowned, sitting up.

“He is still under Azazel's control and beat up Meg. She was lucky that she could sedate him. Get your asses over to his room. And open a window, it reeks in here.” Gabriel did not wait for further questions and simply stormed out again, leaving Castiel and Dean worried and confused.

They got dressed in record time and walked to Sam's room together. Dean walked in without knocking, immediately wishing that he had as Meg stood shirtless. Her back was turned to the door and Gabriel was inspecting what looked like painful red marks. Sam was lying on the floor near the bed, clearly passed out. All the items from Sam's bedside table had fallen to the floor, but aside from a broken picture frame, everything seemed intact. Meg turned to look at them, seemingly uncaring of her state of undress and Dean's eyes widened at the sight of her face. Her left eye was swollen and her cheekbone was red and showing first signs of bad bruising. Dean knew that Sam worked out, but he had had no idea how strong his little brother actually was.

“Meg, I am so sorry.” He said, walking towards her. “It should have been me with him, not you.”

“Don't sweat it, Dean. You two just help me carry Sam to the hospital wing, we got means to restrain him there.” Meg said and pulled on her shirt, before starting to collect all of her medical things off the floor.

The way she flinched at every movement had Dean aching with guilt and he placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Don't worry about this stuff, Meg, I can pick it up for you. You sit down, relax.”

Meg looked at him as if about to protest, but then smiled weakly and nodded. “Fine.”

Gabriel helped her sit down, all the while glaring at Dean angrily. Dean cleaned up the mess, neatly putting everything back into Meg's med-kit before turning to Castiel for help. He was strong, probably strong enough to carry Sam into the bed by himself, but he did not want to take any risks.

Once everything was cleaned up and Sam was no longer lying on the hard floor, Dean turned to Gabriel only to find him still staring. “You got anything to say?” Dean asked, well aware why Gabriel was angry with him. He was beating himself up about it enough, he did not need Gabriel's silent judgement.

“She could have died today.” Gabriel said, placing a possessive arm around Meg who in turn leaned against him on the couch.

“Gabe, please.” Castiel chimed in, picking up on how much Dean was suffering already.

“You shut up about it, you're the whole reason Dean wasn't here to protect her. If you hadn't been so self centered and horny none of this would have happened. You two are lucky that it wasn't me in here with him, I would have-”

“Gabriel.” Meg said firmly and Gabriel's mouth snapped shut, glaring at Dean angrily.

“No, by all means, let him finish. You would have what, Gabriel? Huh? What would you have done?” Dean challenged, towering over Gabriel as the shorter man was sitting on the couch. Gabriel narrowed his eyes but stayed silent.

“That's what I thought.” Dean said, turning back to caring for Sam. The younger boy was covered in his own blood and it pained Dean to see him like this, bleeding and broken.

“Now that we're all done with that stupid pissing contest, I believe I said you need to bring Sam to the hospital wing. What are you even still doing here?” Meg, clearly done being taken care of, pushed Gabriel away from her, getting up in the process. “Follow me.” She said, and as broken and beaten up as she looked herself, none of them dared to object.

Castiel and Dean took care of carrying Sam, Dean hooking his arms under Sam's, Castiel taking the legs. Gabriel followed them, not much of a help as he was still busy worrying about Meg.

They made quick work of tying Sam to the bed, using restraints that Dean only knew from movies about insane asylums. “Why are these here?” He asked, distracting himself from the far more urgent problem spooking around in his head.

“For the exact reason that we are using them right now. After Gordon Walker got controlled and killed himself, these were a precaution in case somebody looked Azazel in the eye again. I'll leave you to it.” Meg said and pulled Gabriel out of the room, unwilling to spend one more minute risking him unleashing his powers on Dean. Even though he only used them for harmless pranks or his own amusement, Meg knew that he was also very capable of conjuring up horrible images. If Dean provoked him any further, Gabriel might just make his life a waking nightmare.

Dean sat down on the bed, careful not to touch his brother. Though he was not bleeding at the moment, he was pale with blood loss. His hair stuck to his forehead, wet with sweat and what looked like blood.

“Oh Sammy. I am so sorry.” Dean said quietly as if not to disturb his sleeping brother. “This is all my fault. Azazel got to me, he made me relive the worst night of my life and I freaked out. If I hadn't gone in there, Azazel would not have targeted you. I failed you.”

Castiel felt like an intruder, watching what clearly was a private moment. He hated the way Dean's voice shook as he spoke, hated that Dean felt responsible. Dean's voice broke with his last words and in a second, Cas was next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder, offering support in the only way he knew how.

“This is not your fault, Dean.” Castiel's voice was calm and collected as always, and Dean closed his eyes, forcing himself not to get angry with him, not to lash out on the only good thing he had in his life right now.

“How is it not my fault?” Dean asked as calmly as he could manage.

“It was reckless of me to take you with me like that. Either way, Azazel is only using you to get at me. He hates me because I can resist his power.” Castiel explained and Dean looked up at him. “What do you mean you can resist his power? How?”

Dean tried his best not to be too hopeful. Just because Castiel could fight it, didn't mean Sam would be able to.

“Azazel's gift is just elaborate mind control. My own gift has forced me to meditate a lot when I was younger, making it possible for me to resist him. Think of it as if two minds were sharing the same body. Azazel tries to take control by confusing Sam's thoughts, making him think he wants to do the things Azazel is whispering to him. To an extend he will be able to control Sam's body himself, but in the end it is just about mental strength. The stronger mind controls the body.” Castiel said, seeing right through Dean. Of course his question was about Sam.

“So you're saying Sam could regain control?” Dean asked and Castiel smiled softly, squeezing his shoulder. “We'll have to wait and see. Don't give up hope just yet.”

Dean sighed deeply and leaned against Castiel, resting his head against the man's stomach, closing his eyes. He had hoped for an easy way out of this mess. “How long until he wakes up?” Dean asked, not opening his eyes and Castiel wrapped his arm around Dean's shoulders, holding him. “A few hours. If you want to go and take a shower or change, I can stay here.”

“No. I'm not leaving him. You can go though, I don't want to keep you.” Dean said, winding from Castiel's embrace to look up at him. Castiel shook his head firmly. “No, I'll stay too then. Come on.” He added, taking Dean's hand and pulling him off the bed.

There was an armchair standing in the corner of the room and they sat in it together, Dean only protesting for a moment when Castiel pulled him to sit in his lap.

“I'm not a child, Cas, I can sit by myself.”

Castiel shut him up with a kiss, wrapping his arms around Dean who nudged his side in return but didn't move, even when Castiel loosened his grip. Instead he leaned against him, soaking up the much needed physical contact. A month ago Dean would have never allowed himself to have this, would not have admitted how much he needed it. He closed his eyes, head leaning against Castiel's shoulder and before he knew it he drifted off, not really sleeping but not entirely awake either. He was exhausted from the earlier sex, but mostly from being faced with this problem. Worrying so much was mentally tiring. Time passed faster like this and seemingly mere minutes later Castiel nudged him gently, startling him to full consciousness.

“He’s waking up, Dean.” Those words were enough to eliminate any further exhaustion and Dean stood up hastily, almost hitting Castiel in the ribs with his elbow.

“Sammy.” Sam blinked at the bright neon light above him, immediately taken back to the first time he had woken up after being sedated. Just like last time, he was tied to the bed. Just like last time his head was swimming and his muscles were weak. He wasn't alone though. “You're okay, Sammy. You just have to stay strong.”

Dean’s voice reached him through the fog that was still numbing his brain and he tried to focus his eyes on the blurred person that was his brother. “Dean.” He lifted his head and tried to move, but immediately Dean's hand was there, pushing him down. “Don't speak. Just focus. You need to focus on pushing him away. Azazel can't control you if you don't let him.”

 _Azazel_. Immediately Sam felt panic rise in his body as he remembered why he was here. _I can't do it, Dean. You don't know what it's like._ He tried to tell Dean, tried to let Dean know that he was scared.

“I know. I got him.” That was not his words. It was clearly his voice, but it was not what he had meant to say, not at all. Why was he talking to Dean anyway? Dean didn't have to know what was going on in his head, he had to die. Sam wanted to wipe that relieved smile right off his face.

 _No_. Sam thought, pulling his restraints in a useless attempt to break free. He pushed Azazel away from him, keeping control for a moment, fighting to remove Azazel from his mind completely. He almost succeeded but then Castiel stepped up behind Dean and Sam felt pure hate flare up inside of him, stronger than any emotion he had ever experienced. Luckily he had never been good at hiding his feelings and Dean’s eyes widened as he was taken aback by the hostility in his younger brothers face.

“You're not Sam.” Dean said simply, and in a way it was true. It might be Sam's body that was tied up in the bed before him, but Azazel had taken control of his mind, his actions. “Leave him alone.”

“And why would I do that?” Sam said, and Dean shuddered at the snarl in his voice. Everything about this was wrong, so wrong. The hate in his eyes, the cruel smile on his face, even the way he spoke reeked of Azazel. That wasn't the worst of it though. The worst was, that Dean did not have an answer for him. He wanted to help Sam so badly, wanted to rescue his little brother but he did not have anything to offer. He couldn't give Azazel the one thing he wanted, as letting the brothers out was not an option.

“You will do it, because if you don't I will come to your cell right now and make you.” Sam's - Azazel's eyes flicked to Castiel and he smirked at the threat. “Oh please do. I would love to see you try. You can't force me to stop.”

“I can and I will. I imagine it is hard to control someone when you have been beaten into a coma.” Castiel said and Dean turned to him, taking one look before deciding that yes. Castiel would totally do that. Even Azazel's cockiness seemed to be put to a halt as he did not even care to reply. Instead, he seemed to withdraw himself from the conversation completely as the expression of hate was replaced by fear.

“Dean, he'll kill me.” Sam said, pulling his ties, breathing quick as he fought not to panic. “Please, you have to untie me, he'll –“ Sam’s mouth stayed open, but no sound came out. It took Dean a second to realize what was happening. Sam had stopped breathing.

“Sam.” He said, feeling utterly helpless as he watched his brother continue to struggle, unable to breathe. “Stop it!” Dean shouted, wanting to punch Azazel, wanting to kill him. He was so distracted by Sam that he didn't even notice Castiel leaving.

But leave he did. And he ran. Castiel ran like he never had in his entire life. This was a matter of life and death, literally. He had to make it to Azazel's cell in time, needed to put an end to this once and for all. He would do this for Dean, if it was the last thing he did. He came to a stuttering halt in the middle of the hallway, realizing his foolishness. Why would he go to knock Azazel out if Sam could be sedated easily. He turned on his heels and started to sprint again, making his way to Gabriel's room, praying to God that Meg was with his brother.

Dean was on the verge of tears, hating to see his brother like this, hating that he could not do anything to help. Except that he could. His hands were shaking as he started undoing the restraints that were tying his brother down. As soon as the last bind fell, Sam's body sat up, grabbing Dean by the throat as he finally breathed again. Dean was taken by surprise, but managed to free himself as Sam was still weak with lack of oxygen.

“Dean Winchester needs to die.” Sam mumbled as he swung his legs out of the bed, way more agile than should be possible with his abdominal wound. The smirk he gave Dean was pure evil and Dean raised his hands in defense. “Sammy, please. I know you're in there, you need to fight this.”

For a split second, Sam's gaze waivered. For a split second, Dean almost believed he could break through to him. But then Sam lurched forward, punching him in the face with unrestrained force.

What followed was an uneven struggle. Dean held back, knowing this was not his brother acting, unwilling to actually hurt him. He talked to him though, willing him to take control, begging Azazel to stop. None of it worked and Sam showered him in punches, any damage he did healing almost immediately. It still hurt Dean, but he could take it. This was only temporary and he had had worse. In a way, he deserved everything he got, for bringing this onto Sam and for not being there to help Meg.

He shoved Sam away from him, trying to catch a little break. He tasted his own blood, and even though his wounds healed, it pained him to think about what this would do to Sam. All he could do was hope that his brother wouldn't remember any of what Azazel made him do. “Sam please.” He tried to plead one more time, but Sam just shoved him back, crazy joy in his eyes as Dean stumbled.

“Dean Winchester needs to die.” Sam said again, louder this time, staring right at Dean. He tried to punch him, but Dean shoved him away. “Sam!” He raised his voice as Sam stumbled. Dean realized that Sam was not able to snap out of it.

Whatever will to fight he had left in him died with the realization and he didn't even raise his hands anymore when Sam punched him again. He stumbled backwards upon impact and fell to the floor. Sam towered above him, smiling like a maniac as his face mirrored the joy Azazel felt at witnessing this scene, knowing he was the one who caused it.

This was the moment that Castiel walked in on, syringe in his hand, sweaty and panting from sprinting. Castiel watched as Sam kicked his brother in the ribs, the force of it causing Dean to shout in pain. He took three long steps and was right behind Sam, sinking the needle in him, taking him by surprise. He then wrapped his arms around Sam from behind, pinning the boy's arms down as Sam thrashed against this newfound restraint.

“It's over, Azazel. You lost.” Cas said coolly as Sam went limp in his arms, passing out for the second time this day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. Feel free to leave some Kudos or let me know what you think in the comments, it means a lot to me. Have a great day. <3


	18. Out of the Frying Pan, straight to Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First and foremost I want to apologize for the huge delay. I had personal matters that took up all of my attention and before I knew it weeks had passed. This fic is not and will not be abandoned. I also want to apologize for the length of this chapter and possibly the following chapters as I did not stick with my usual 3.000 words, this one is over 4.000. The last thing I have to apologize for is the content of this chapter and I will do so in the notes at the end, as the apology will contain spoilers. 
> 
> Enjoy! :)

“It's over, Azazel. You lost.” Cas said coolly as Sam went limp in his arms, passing out for the second time this day.

Castiel heaved Sam back onto the bed before turning his attention to Dean, who was still lying on the floor, unmoving.

“Dean.” He said softly, hoping to get the other man's attention. When Dean didn't reply, Castiel kneeled next to him and took his hand. “Are you alright?” He asked, worried as Sam had done quite a number on Dean. Even though Dean had evidently healed already, Castiel was worried about Dean's state of mind. Rightly so.

“No. Cas, I… He…” Dean turned his head to look at Castiel, and Cas could see it in his eyes. The pain and the fear was prominent in his gaze, even as Dean struggled to put it into words.

“It will be okay. Don't worry.” It was an empty promise and they both knew it. There was nothing they could do to save Sam. Now that the initial urgency of the situation was gone, Castiel realized that he would not be able to live with himself if he hurt another person. Even a scumbag like Azazel. Dean knew it, too. He was secretly glad that Cas had not done anything, he did not want to be the reason for Castiel's suffering.

“How?” He asked, voice sounding hollow as he did not even get his hopes up. It was a rhetorical question as he knew full well that Castiel had no answer.

Castiel sighed softly and got to his feet, forcing Dean to sit up as he did not let go of his hand. “Come on. We'll go talk to Chuck, see what we can do. There has to be something.”

Dean let himself be pulled into a sitting position but stubbornly remained seated. “I'm not leaving Sam.”

“He will be out for the next few hours. We won't find a solution by sitting here watching him. Chuck might know what to do.”

“How would he know?” Dean challenged, unwilling to let Castiel give him hope as he was sure this would not pan out anyway.

“He's… old. He knows things. Do you have any better ideas?” Castiel said, trying not to let his own feelings get the better of him. Dean looked so sad and hopeless, he wanted to pull him into his arms and hold him until this was all over. He wanted to fix things, wanted to kill Azazel for hurting Dean like this. He couldn't though. Not without threatening his own mental health. So instead he helped Dean to stand up and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. “We're in this together, okay? We will find a solution.” They had to.

Despite the nod Dean gave, he did not look convinced. Nevertheless he followed Castiel as he led the way to Chuck’s rooms.

Chuck was already expecting them, he was sitting at a table with Meg, Gabriel, Charlie and an older guy that Dean didn't recognize. Apparently they had filled him in on everything short of only the beating that Dean had taken. Dean didn't miss the pitiful look Meg gave him as Castiel mentioned it. He didn't deserve it, he was all healed up already whereas Meg’s eye looked worse as it darkened already.

“We need to figure out what to do.” Castiel concluded his short resume of the current events.

Chuck listened patiently and then looked at Dean, waiting for any input of his, but Dean stayed silent, still determined not to like this idea.

“Metatron here says we might just have to wait it out. Time should weaken the link between Azazel and the patient. Eventually it could just fade on its own.”

“The patient's name is Sam. And that is an awful lot of mights and maybes. How would he know that?” Dean said coolly, his suppressed hostility only noticeable by the way he clenched his jaw. Castiel picked up on it and placed a hand on Dean's shoulder, stepping behind him, invading his personal space, hoping to calm him with his presence.

“The lord speaks to me. He said this predicament will end soon.” The old guy spoke up and Dean's head snapped around to him.

“What?” He asked incredulously, unsure if he had heard correctly.

“I had a vision.” Metatron said matter-of-factly, as if that would explain everything.

Dean didn't even give a reply to that, he just turned to Chuck. “I have a plan.”

Castiel, surprised by this sudden turn of events looked at Dean, waiting for his explanation but not at all prepared for what he heard.

“You just let me into the cell and I’ll kill him. I'll even take care of that brother of his if you want.” Dean said it with such determination and sincerity, Castiel dropped his hand from his shoulder. “Dean.” He said, unable to hide how shocked he was by the other man's words.

“What?” Dean asked, stepping away from Castiel as he turned to look at him. “Not like they don't deserve it.”

“You don't mean that. You’re just upset about Sam. Maybe Metatron is right and we just have to wait it out.” Castiel said and Dean scoffed. “Yeah right, because he had a vision from God.” Dean's voice dripped with sarcasm and he turned back to look at Chuck. “We have to help Sam and killing them is the only logic way.”

“No one is killing anybody.” Chuck said and though his voice was calm, it was clear that there was no room for discussion here. “If word gets out about this, this whole organization might crumble. So unless you want to spend the rest of your days locked up in a cell alongside all of us, you will not disobey me in any way. The violence ends right now. We will sit it out.”

Castiel nodded and smiled at Dean, content with this solution. His smile was met with a frown as Dean bit back any comments he had on the matter and simply stormed out the room. Castiel flinched at the slamming of the door, looking apologetic. “He doesn't mean to be rude, he's stressed. He feels responsible for Sam. I’ll make sure he doesn't do anything he will regret later.” Cas said and turned to leave, only stopping as Chuck called out his name.

“Castiel.” Chuck said and waited until Cas turned to look at him, doorknob still in his hand. “We will wait for 24 hours. If the link is not broken by them I will inform the authorities and suggest a drug induced coma for Azazel. Maybe we're lucky and they finally decide killing him is cheaper.”

Castiel nodded but didn't say anything, too worried about Dean to actually feel relieved. He didn't have to look for him, he knew Dean would want to be with Sam. Taking long, fast steps Cas caught up to him before Dean even reached the room.

“Dean.” Cas called out, but didn't get any reaction, Dean simply walked into the hospital room and slammed the door in Castiel's face.

Castiel found himself hesitating, hand already resting on the doorknob. “Dean.” He said softly before knocking the door, for some reason feeling like Dean had to invite him in. He listened to Dean's steps on the other side of the door, going away from it rather than going to open it. He waited patiently as Dean dragged something heavy across the room, but then the sounds coming from inside the room just stopped.

“Dean.” He tried again, more urgently this time. Even though he consciously knew that Dean was only looking for a way to take out his frustration, he subconsciously started getting annoyed with Dean's childish behavior.

Finally, when Dean still didn't react, Castiel simply walked into the room. Dean was sitting in the armchair, now next to Sam's bed. He was holding his younger brother's hand, and the look on his face was so utterly desperate that Castiel couldn't stay annoyed with him. He walked up behind him and placed his hands on Dean's shoulders, smiling softly as Dean leaned into the touch.

“I'm sorry, I…” Dean started but Castiel didn't let him finish.

“I know. He'll be fine, you'll see.” Castiel smiled and squeezed Dean's shoulder reassuringly. As much as he hated to admit it, there had not been a single time that Metatron was wrong with his predictions, so Castiel did not expect this time to be any different.

“Come.” Dean leaned his head back far enough to look at Castiel as he motioned for him to sit in the chair with him. So Castiel did. He walked around and straddled Dean's lap, facing him as he wrapped his arms around Dean's neck. It was not sexy or teasing in any way, he simply thought it might be comfortable to rest against Dean like that.

“So you're not angry with me?” Castiel asked and Dean shook his head. “I'm angry at the whole situation, not you specifically.” “But still including me?” Castiel kept pushing, worried Dean's behavior might be about him after all. Dean smiled at that, placing his hands on Castiel's hips and capturing his pouting lips in a chaste kiss. “I am not angry with you. Period.” He said and Castiel smiled relieved, hugging Dean closer and burying his face in the crook of Dean's neck.

“You're really important to me, you know.” Castiel mumbled against the soft skin, trusting that Dean heard him and pretending like it didn't hurt that he did not get a reply. He would still have to get used to this whole thing and he could not blame Dean for not feeling the same after this short amount of time. He briefly considered getting up from his position, but then Dean started drawing little circles and squiggles on Castiel's back with his short fingernails and soon Cas found himself relaxing, any feeling of rejection pushed away and forgotten.

You're important to me too. Dean thought, smiling at Castiel's little confession. He couldn't bring himself to say it. He had never said that to anyone that was not family, that was not Sam. He had never felt it before either, not like this and it scared him. He didn't want these feelings, either. Loving someone, getting attached to them meant being vulnerable in a way that Dean was not ready to face. He had seen what the loss of his mother had done to his father and he was not prepared to go through the same. He was determined to push these feelings away, because he would most certainly lose Castiel eventually. He would go back to his old life and Castiel would stay here.

The two of them sat like that for what felt like forever, both of them deeply in thought, wrapped up in each others arms. Dean had successfully distracted himself from worrying about his most imminent problem, when said problem suddenly stirred, weakly pulling at the ties that bound him to the bed.

“Dean?” Sam asked, sounding sleepy and confused when he finally opened his eyes. “What's going on?” He asked, again pulling at his ties. Castiel reluctantly got off Dean's lap so that Dean could tend to Sam. “Relax, Sammy. You're in your hospital bed. The restraints are for your own and everyone's safety.”

“What?” Sam frowned, but stopped pulling his ties, resigning as they didn't give in. “Dean, I don't know what you're talking about. What happened?”

“What is the last thing you remember?” Castiel asked and Sam turned his head to look at him.

“I was in the cafeteria, eating, with Kevin and.. And…” Sam frowned, having a hard time remembering the moment. “What happened?” Sam asked and Dean explained that Sam had been controlled by Azazel and that he might still be in Sam's head.

“Do you feel any different? Are you hearing any strange voices?” Dean asked, carefully trying not to feel relieved yet, not to get his hopes up. They kept Sam lying in his bed, but untied his wrists so that he could move around a bit more freely. Since they collectively decided to wait and see what would happen, Castiel sent Dean to go get a card game from Castiel's room, unwilling to leave Dean alone with Sam again. They played until all three of them were having trouble to keep their eyes open, and then decided to call it a night.

Sam had not shown any sign of possession or any urge to harm Dean, so Castiel and Dean agreed that it would be safe to let him go to his room. They escorted Sam to his room and decided to split up as Dean wanted to stay with Sam and the couch was only big enough for one of them. Sam made his typical gagging noises when their goodbye kiss lasted just a tad too long and for the first time that day, Dean felt like he might actually have his brother back.

He seemed to be right about it, too. The following days were spent learning control and trying to figure out what Dean's most recent gift was. Sam made impressive progress, and since there were no more incidents, he would be allowed to leave within two weeks. Dean, who had never had any problem controlling his gifts and whose third gift had not shown itself yet would be able to go home with him, but as time passed he found himself less and less thrilled about the prospect. He spent most of his time with Castiel as they practiced with Sam, ate together and spent every night in Castiel's apartment together. They spent most evenings on the “mountain”, watching the sunset on what they had started to refer to as “their ledge”. More often than not they would accompany each other when working out, and soon Dean could not imagine a life without Castiel anymore. He had stopped trying to fight his feelings a long time ago and as their final day on the island neared Dean felt an ache in his chest, every time he was reminded of his impending departure.

“Come with me.” He blurted out, three days before he was set to leave. They were sitting at the dinner table in Castiel's apartment, eating the apple pie Dean had made for desert.

“What?” Castiel asked, fork in his hand as he stilled to look at Dean. He had understood Dean just fine and he knew what the other man was talking about as it was something that he found himself constantly thinking about as well.

“Come with me, Cas. Let's leave here together.” Dean repeated, suddenly sure that this was the only possible way for them to stay together. He himself had considered staying on the island but that would mean giving up his entire life and everything that he had worked for. Possibly never seeing Sam again. And as much as he loved Castiel, and he did love him, he could not spend his entire life on a secluded island. He had only been here about two weeks and he already didn't know what to do with himself anymore. Castiel was the best company he could ask for but there was so much they were both missing out on.

Castiel set his fork down on his plate and pushed it away as he was suddenly not feeling hungry anymore. “You know I can't do that, Dean.” He said, avoiding eye contact, unwilling to let Dean see the hurt in his eyes. They had talked about it before and nothing had changed, Castiel was an abomination, unfit for civil life.

“But you can. You never lose control, you can hide your gift just as well as I can. Better even. Come with me. Please.” Dean insisted, taking Castiel's hand across the table. “We can talk to Chuck again. He will understand. He has to.” Dean said and Castiel looked at him, eyes tired and shook his head. “He won't. I can't come.” Castiel replied decidedly and pulled his hand from Dean's grip. “Maybe you should go. Pack your bags.” Castiel said coolly and stood up, turning to put his uneaten pie in the trash.

Dean watched him, eyes narrowed. “Fine.” He said and, as Castiel did not reply, left.

He did not go to pack his bags though. Instead he stormed into Chuck's room, door banging on the wall as he entered without knocking. “Why won't you let Castiel leave?” Dean demanded, and Chuck looked up at him from his desk, eyebrow raised.

“We have been over this. Letting him leave would be a threat to us all. We can't risk being exposed.” He said calmly, not at all fazed by the anger radiating off Dean.

“I don't care. He can control it, you know he can. He will come with me, whether you like it or not.”

“Dean, listen to me.”

“No, you listen to me. Cas is a good guy, he deserves a normal life. He has spent all of his life here and now he has an opportunity to leave, to live in an actual home, surrounded by people that love him. He said you grew up in a regular home, don't you remember what that's like? Wouldn't you go back to that if you could?” Dean asked heatedly and Chuck folded his hands on the table, looking at Dean intently.

The silence that followed was deafening. Dean felt his own quickening heartbeat as Chuck kept looking at him, seemingly staring right into his soul. When he finally spoke up, Dean needed a moment to understand what he was saying.

“If this goes sideways, the lives of us all will be on your conscience. I imagine you will survive the testing longer than most, with your gift and all. Now go, before I change my mind.” Chuck said and simply turned back to his computer screen, smiling to himself as Dean left the room beaming with happiness.

The next two days were a blur. Castiel was overjoyed to hear the good news, and immediately started packing all his belongings into boxes that Chuck very helpfully supplied.

They both knew what they felt for each other, even though neither of them had ever said the three little words. Castiel had waited for a special moment and when Dean told him that he would be able to come live in DC with Dean, he had almost blurted them out. Special as the moment had been, Castiel felt like it was insufficient like he had to do it properly. He planned it all out, he talked to Adam and asked him to prepare a nice meal for two the last night Castiel and Dean would spend together on this island.

Of course, fate was not on their side. A storm rolled in that day, making it impossible to leave in the airplane that was supposed to take them home. Sam was very upset about it, especially as Chuck would not let him change the weather for the better.

“Human meteorologists only just stopped investigating the unnatural weather phenomenons that occurred here. We can't risk anybody realizing what is going on. You will just have to wait until the storm passes.” He said and Sam wanted to protest, but nothing he said worked. Eventually Dean had to drag him out of there so that he could talk to him.

“I'll help you.” He said, smiling at his brother. “We will leave here tomorrow as planned. I'll help you push the storm away.”

The task turned out to be harder than expected as they both had more experience creating storms, not pushing them away. “Maybe, if we go outside we will be more successful.” Sam said as another one of his gushes of wind blew open his suitcase.

Dean frowned reluctantly but agreed and together they went outside. It was incredibly windy and raining so they walked to stand under the ledge to have at least a little protection from the storm without risking to be caught by Chuck. Lighting strikes lit up the sky, accompanied by deafening thunder and Dean flinched, feeling like they were coming dangerously close to them. “Maybe this isn't safe, Sam. We should go back inside.” He shouted into the wind and Sam shook his head, wet hair clinging to his forehead. “Just focus. Close your eyes. It will be over soon.” So Dean did, but no matter how hard he tried to push the storm away, to use his gift in any way, it felt as if something was pushing back, hindering from accomplishing anything.

“Sam, this isn't working.” He said and opened his eyes just in time to see Sam had moved away from him and was staring at something above Dean's head. “Sam?” Dean asked, and followed his gaze, just in time to see a single lightning strike, breaking the rock above him. He tried to jump out of the way, but the rock crushed him, and he didn't even feel the pain as his world suddenly ceased to exist.

Sam watched, horrified as his brother was buried by the giant rock that broke out of the ledge.

 _It is done_.

Azazel's smug voice echoed through his head and Sam fell to his knees, all the wind suddenly stopping as the shock finally broke the bond between him and Azazel.

It was Garth that found them like this. Dean's entire chest was crushed by a giant rock that also covered most of the rest od his body. His head was twisted in a way that looked highly unnatural and Garth couldn't help but gag at the sight of all the blood seeping into the sand. Sam was kneeling next to the gruesome scene, unmoving, eyes looking almost as dead as Dean's.

“Sam.” Garth tried, but didn't get through to the boy so he decided to leave him to get help.

Benny was the first person that Garth ran into and after he had calmed down enough to get out a word Benny started sprinting towards the beach as Garth went to inform more people of what had happened.

By the time Benny arrived, Sam had pulled himself out of his initial shock and was uselessly pushing at the rock. “It's okay, Dean. You're okay. It's not even that bad. You need to hold on. I'll move this.. this rock and you can start healing again. You'll… You'll heal again, okay. Please, just… Please.” Sam did his best to fight back the tears that were threatening to spill over. He kept talking to Dean, falling to his knees again as he was too weak to move the rock. “You're okay, you hear me? You… You have to be strong now Dean.” A single tear fell from his face, mixing with his brother's blood in the sand. “They will find us and then.. then you can start healing again, we just need to move the rock.” Sam looked up as he heard approaching footsteps, blinking the tears away. “Benny.” He said relieved, knowing he would be strong enough to move the rock. “You need to move this, Dean can't start healing if this is still on him.” He said, heart beating faster as he was excited to have found help for his brother.

Benny took one look at Dean's dead eyes and slowly shook his head. “Sam, I don't think…” “Quickly, he's in pain.” Sam interrupted him, turning back to look at Dean and stroked one hand through his hair, hoping to comfort his older brother. “You hear that, Dean? He'll move the rock, you’ll be okay now.”

Benny swallowed hard, trying to mentally prepare himself for the sight of Dean's broken body. Then he pushed against the rock and with a lot of effort on his side, managed to roll it off Dean. The movement pushed another gush of blood out of Dean's dead body and Benny had to turn away to keep from gagging. Dean's entire torso was crushed, ribs stuck out of gaping wounds and his shoulder was dislocated, his arm sticking out in an unnatural direction. The other arm had a bone sticking out of it, and much to Benny's dismay, Sam started pushing at it, trying to force it back into place. “I'll help you, Dean. You'll be okay. Don't worry.” The boy continued rambling about it, repeating the same words over and over again, even as more people came. Chuck was the first, followed by Meg and then Garth, who fainted at the horrible sight.

“Sam. He's gone” Meg said softly, kneeling next to Sam and pulling his hand from his brother's dead body. “He's gone.” She repeated, and Sam frowned at her, shaking his head. “No he'll be okay. You've seen him heal. He'll be okay, he has to be. He has to be.” He insisted, unwilling to acknowledge what he already knew deep down.

Dean Winchester is dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there it is. Major Character Death. This was the only reason I started this fic as the aftermath of Dean's death is the first chapter I ever wrote. Even though I have been thinking about it ever since I have not worked on it again and I will have to try to finish it by next week, I cannot promise a specific date though, only that this will not be the last chapter. I expect at least 2 more, possibly three as I have a lot of things I still want to mention and to wrap up.
> 
> Again, I am sorry for the following Angst, but like... not really ;)
> 
> I hope you liked this sudden turn of events and I would enjoy reading your thoughts in the comments. Please leave Kudos if you feel like it. Have a great day! 
> 
> :)


	19. Loss

Castiel hummed to himself as he set the table. It was one of those old rock songs that Dean made him listen to over and over again, insisting that this was the only acceptable music to listen to. Castiel smiled to himself as he set down two glasses. He didn't much care for classic rock, but like with everything that Dean was enthusiastic about, he enjoyed watching Dean listen to it. This particular one had been stuck in his head for days now as Dean had played it several times after Castiel had admitted he kind of liked it.

There was a soft knock at the door and for a second, Cas panicked that Dean could be early. He had promised not to come before seven, and now it wasn't even six yet. Castiel was nowhere near ready and this needed to be perfect. He walked to the door, ready to tell Dean to come back later. He opened it, careful not to open it too far as he did not want Dean to see the partially set table.

“I have your food prepared. You'll have to put it in the oven for another hour. The pie goes in half an hour later, that way it has time to cool off before you eat it.” Adam said and raised an eyebrow at Cas. “You gonna let me in or what? I need to put this down.” He smiled and raised the food in his hands a little higher to show it to Castiel.

“Of course.” Cas said and stepped aside. He helped Adam put everything where it belonged and after Adam was gone, finished his table with a single candle in a glass, right in the middle. It was all the decoration he had left, most of his stuff was already packed in boxes and had been brought away for transport.  
  
Had someone asked him, Castiel wouldn't have been able to explain why he was so excited and even nervous about this evening. It was just going to be another dinner with Dean. Their last meal before leaving this island to start a life together, yes, but somehow that wasn't it. He was finally going to tell Dean that he loved him. It shouldn't be that big of a deal, it was quite obvious that Dean loved him too, but still Castiel's heartbeat picked up whenever he thought about actually saying those three meaningful words. Would Dean say them back? How would he react? Castiel could vividly imagine the smile that he hoped would spread across Dean's face.

Lost in thought he went upstairs. Now that he was done in the kitchen he could take his time to get ready. In preparation of this evening he had kept some nicer clothes. Black jeans that, according to Dean, made his ass look ‘super hot’ and a blue button up shirt that Castiel thought brought out his eyes. Dean had mentioned on several occasions how beautiful he thought Castiel's eyes were, and Castiel liked these compliments. Couldn't get enough of the warmth they made him feel.

It wasn't until the food had to come out of the oven that Castiel started worrying. He had prepared everything so that dinner would be done early, as Dean was always early whenever they hung out. Now the food was sitting on the table, waiting, and Dean wasn't there. Castiel brushed off his worries, telling himself Dean somehow knew what this evening was about and wanted to be polite and exactly on time. Castiel sat down at the table, lighter in his hand, ready to light the candle before Dean came in. Minutes passed and Castiel sat it aside to pour himself a glass of water. By seven thirty he had finished the bottle and grew more annoyed with Dean by the minute. He had planned this so thoroughly and Dean picked this day to be late for the first time. He tried to tell himself that something had come up, maybe Sam had needed Dean's help. No matter what he came up with, Castiel couldn't help but feel angry at the sight of the food that had gone cold.

When Dean finally arrived, the knock at the door was hesitant, not like Dean's usual short and enthusiastic knock. At least he felt sorry for being late Castiel thought and felt some of his anger melt away already. He couldn't stay mad with Dean, he loved him too much.

He quickly lit the candle and made his way to the door, forcing himself not to be too giddy about it. Dean was still late, and he was still annoyed. He couldn't fight the smile that spread across his face as he opened the door wide. “Hello, Dean.” He said before realizing that it was not actually Dean at the door.

Charlie was pale, and her eyes were red and watery as she clearly had cried. Gabriel, who was standing right behind her looked no better, and Castiel's smile dropped as he noticed the blood on Gabriel's hands and clothes. “What happened?” He asked and stepped aside, letting the two of them in.

Neither of them said a word as they looked around the room, looking even sadder than before as they took in the dinner that Cas had prepared.

“Guys.” Cas frowned and placed a hand on Charlie's shoulder as another tear fell from her eye. “What happened?”

“Oh, Cas.” Charlie said and threw her arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. “I am so sorry.” She added and Castiel hugged her back, looking at Gabriel over her head. “What is wrong?”

“You don't have to do this, Charlie. I can tell him myself.” Gabriel said when Charlie finally pulled herself together again, and now Castiel was really worried. Gabriel's words were soft and compassionate, and if there was one thing his brother was not, it was compassionate.

“Tell me what?” Castiel insisted, trying to push away the horrible ideas that popped up in his head. Maybe something had happened to Sam. It would explain why Dean wasn't there.

“Cas, you should sit.” Gabriel said and pulled out a chair from under the table, placing it so Cas could sit on it. “I don't want to sit, I want you to tell me what’s going on. Is Sam alright? Is that his blood?” Castiel asked, motioning to the red mess that Gabriel was covered in. Gabriel looked at him, and his eyes were so sad and hopeless that a cold shiver ran down Castiel's spine. “Gabriel, whose blood is this?”

“Cas, it's Dean. He… He's gone.” Charlie finally managed to get out and Castiel frowned. “What do you mean, he's gone? He wouldn't leave without me. We were scheduled to leave together.” Castiel said and then it dawned on him. Dean had left him behind. “Is that your blood?” He stepped closer to Gabriel and took his hands into his own, looking at him to search for any cuts or a source of all the blood. “Did he hurt you? You tried to stop him and he hurt you. That son of a…” “Cas!” Gabriel interrupted him and pushed him to sit on the chair. “It's not my blood, I'm not hurt. Dean is. He and Sam were outside in the storm and a piece broke out of the hill. It fell right on him.” Gabriel explained and Cas’ eyes widened. “Oh my god, is he alright? Did he finish healing yet? I need to go see him.” Castiel said and jumped up, ready to push Gabriel aside if necessary.

“Cas, he died.” Charlie said softly, and just like that, Castiel's heart shattered. His legs gave in underneath him , and suddenly he was thankful for the chair as he sat down heavily.

Several minutes passed, and both Gabriel and Charlie watched as Castiel processed this new information. Neither of them dared to say anything as they didn't know how Castiel would react. Cas sat there, staring into the empty, tears of despair creeping into his eyes as he tried to handle all the emotions that he was currently going through. He fought them, focusing on the one thing he hoped would be able to hold him together.

“Where's Sam?” He asked finally, surprised at how calm his voice sounded. He stood up tall, clenching his jaw as he focused on the single feeling that was bearable.

“Cas…” Charlie started but Castiel glared at her and she stopped.

“He just lost his brother, and you two are here talking to me. He needs all the support he can get right now.” Castiel said angrily. Yes. Anger was a lot easier than grief. If he was angry he didn't have to be sad, he just had to focus on it.

“Sam is on his way home. Meg is taking him to be with his family, with his girlfriend. I made sure he will be surrounded by people that love him, that'll help him get through this tragic loss.” Gabriel said and Castiel deflated. Sam was fine, Gabriel and Charlie were here to help Castiel the way that Sam's family would help Sam. _Surrounded by people that love him_.

“I didn't tell him.” Castiel said under his breath, and Charlie took his hand, looking at him attentively. “Didn't tell him what?” She said softly and Cas looked down at her hand holding his. It was a simple touch, but it was enough to break him. Tears welled over as Charlie unknowingly broke down the last wall Castiel had built to keep the emotions away. “I didn't get to tell him, I wanted to tell him.” Cas repeated through the tears, falling to his knees as his legs couldn't stand the weight of his body any longer. All the energy drained from his body as Charlie knelt with him, wrapping him up in her arms as he sobbed against her shoulder.

Nobody said anything as Castiel cried. Nobody said anything as his dark wings appeared behind him, drooping and dull as Castiel no longer had the energy to use his gift to make the feathers shine. Nobody said anything when Castiel's body finally grew too heavy for Charlie and he slid to the floor, unable to keep himself up.

It was Gabriel who finally broke the silence that was only interrupted by the sound of Castiel's broken sobs. “Cas, you need to get up please. Let's get you into your bed.”

Castiel didn't reply, and Gabriel sighed softly, blinking his own tears away. It pained him to see his brother like this, but unlike Charlie who had started crying again as well, he had the strength to keep it together. For Cas. And for Dean. He wouldn't have wanted this.

With a lot of support and coaxing from both Charlie and Gabriel they finally managed to move Castiel to his bed where he settled down on top of the covers and immediately wrapped himself up in his own wings.

“Go away.” Castiel finally said, not looking at either of them, hiding under his wings.

“Cas, please. We can help you through this.” Charlie said and Castiel felt her weight settle down onto the soft mattress. Castiel flinched as her hand settled on his leg, careful to avoid his wing as he had never even let her see them before.

“Just go. Leave me alone.” Castiel insisted, and Gabriel sighed, taking Charlie's hand away from his brother. “Let's give him some time.”

And just like that, they left. Castiel wanted to call them back, to tell them to hold him, to tell them to make things alright. But things wouldn't be alright. Dean was gone and no comfort in the world would be able to make this pain go away. So, instead of asking for their help, Castiel cried alone. Shielded off by his wings he cried into the pillow that smelled so much like his lover. He cried for hours and hours, until his stomach hurt from the sobbing and the pillow beneath him was soaked. He cried until there were no more tears to cry, and then some more. He cried until he finally passed out, exhausted and alone.

Castiel spent the first days like this. Curled up in his bed, refusing to eat, refusing to move, refusing to speak. He was still wrapped up in his own wings, using them to shield himself, hiding from the world. Losing Dean had left a hole in his chest, left him drained of all energy, of his own will to live. Gabriel, Meg and Charlie took turns checking in on him, each of them visiting him at least five times a day, urging him to eat, forcing him to at least drink some water. "There are faster ways to kill yourself, Cassie." Gabriel said one day as he put down a plate of Castiel’s favorite pie on his bedside table, hoping Cas wouldn't be able to resist, unaware of the memories Castiel associated with apple pie now. He tried talking to Castiel, but resigned after some time, leaving the room with a deep sigh.

Charlie was the next one to come into the room, finding Cas still hidden under a heap of black feathers. She took a moment to take in the sight, realizing with horror that there were loose feathers lying in and around the bed. It wasn't until then that she heard the tiny sobs coming from underneath the heavy wings and noticed the apple pie on the bedside table. "Gabe.." She muttered to herself, well aware that Gabriel didn’t know about Dean’s love for apple pie. She couldn’t even begin to understand the pain that Castiel was in, but she knew she needed to help, so she did the only way she knew how.

  
Castiel felt her weight on the bed behind him and in no time there was a body pressed up against his wings from behind. Charlie wrapped one leg around his waist and placed one arm on top of his wing, running her fingers through the long feathers soothingly. It was the first time someone other than Dean touched his wings in such an intentional way and Cas couldn’t help but tense at the initial contact. There was no spark though, no overwhelmingly strong emotions. It was just slender fingers, stroking through his feathers like they would through his hair and Castiel relaxed into the touch. Before he knew it he slipped into a restless sleep, haunted by dreams of green eyes and apple pie.

He woke up and for a second, just a second he was fine. The only person that had ever held him in his sleep was Dean, so his body simply assumed that his weight behind him, this arm around him must be Dean's. It was too light though, the body was too small, too soft and suddenly Castiel remembered. He remembered that Dean was gone forever, that he would never again wake up to the feeling of Dean's arms around him. Remembering hurt as much as hearing the news for the first time, but Castiel was used to the pain. It followed him into his sleep, it stuck with him every waking moment. Charlie's embrace was somewhat soothing, but Castiel couldn't stand it for another second. He wanted the pain, needed it like he needed air, more than he needed human contact, more than he needed friends. It reminded him that his time with Dean had been real, that it had been meaningful. The pillows had stopped smelling of Dean some time ago, and the moment that Castiel had realized this had been the worst moment of his life. Well, not the worst but close second. If the pillows stopped smelling of Dean, he feared he might forget what Dean had smelled like altogether. And if he forgot what Dean smelled like he would eventually forget what he looked like, what it felt like to be with him. Nothing could be worse than that. He pushed Charlie from him and jumped out of the bed, stabilizing himself with a hand to the wall as it was the first time that he stood since he had heard the news.

„Clarence?“ There was a soft knock at the door and just as Charlie sat up in the bed, Meg walked in, armed with a bottle of water and a single banana. She was surprised at the sight of Castiel standing beside his bed but didn't comment on it, not wanting to ruin this progress.

“Time for breakfast.” She said instead, walking towards Cas and offering the banana to him. It wasn't really an offer though, more of a silent command and she was determined to force him to eat it. He looked horrible, worse than she would have imagined. A week of crying and fasting had dehydrated Castiel. His lips were dry and rough, his eyes were red and puffy, standing out even more as the rest of his face was pale and sunken. His body was too small for his clothes as he had lost weight, both fat and muscles. Meg was surprised he was even able to stand at all, and even more surprised when Cas took the banana from her without objecting. She watched as he ate it, clearly struggling with every single bite, fighting to swallow at all and then fighting to keep the food down. This was good. It was horrible, and painful to watch but it was progress and progress was good. At least that's what she thought.

Neither of his three caretakers knew what to do of his newfound restlessness. They watched him like hawks as he spent the next few days pacing through the halls of the Institute, looking like a ghost haunting the building. After a week of resting, Castiel found himself unable to stop walking once he started. Everyone that wasn't Meg, Charlie or Gabriel avoided him as if he was fatally diseased and highly contagious. In a way he was. Entering a room his presence immediately drained all life from it, all happiness faded and all conversation stopped that one time he decided to enter the cafeteria. He knew starving himself to death was not an option so he had started eating and drinking again. Dean wouldn't have wanted him to die. All eyes were on him as he walked through the room to get his food. The tips of his wings dragged across the floor as they hung behind him, as lifeless as he felt. No words were spoken the entire time he was there, and even after he left people sat in gloomy silence.

That night he went to sleep in Dean's bed, the only place that still somewhat smelled of the person that he had lost, the person that had left him broken, even on this day. It was a day more significant than others as it had now been three weeks since Dean had died. Dean was officially dead longer than Castiel had even known him, but the pain of his loss was not going to fade any time soon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. There is now one, maybe two chapters left, then this will finally be done. I already said it in last chapter's comments, but no matter how much you hate to see our boys suffering (and I know you do, I do too), please don't stop reading, the next chapter is the first chapter I ever wrote and the only reason this did even exists.
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments! :)


	20. Lazarus Rising

_That night he went to sleep in Dean's bed, the only place that still somewhat smelled of the person that he had lost, the person that had left him broken, even on this day. It was a day more significant than others as it had now been three weeks since Dean had died. Dean was officially dead longer than Castiel had even known him, but the pain of his loss was not going to fade any time soon_.

Castiel woke up and for the first time in what seemed like forever, he was alone. Every morning after Dean´s passing he had been woken up by one of his closest friends. Not today though, as he had not spent the night in his own bed. He looked around in the empty room and his eyes lingered on a single box, stowed away in the corner of the room. Most of Dean’s and all of Sam’s things had been brought away when Sam left, so there were not supposed to be any personal things left in this room. Nevertheless, the box was there and now that Castiel had noticed it, he needed to know what was inside.

Slowly, almost cautiously he made his way across the room and unceremoniously sat on the floor, right in front of the box. He stared at it for a few seconds, as if expecting something horrible to suddenly jump out of it. Though he knew that the boxes contents would still hurt him emotionally, even if they were not very likely to charge and attack, Castiel finally opened the box.

Inside were two piles of clothes and as Castiel opened it, he released the smell that had been trapped in the box for quite some time now. He inhaled deeply, closing his eyes to fight the tears that once again threatened to take over. The shirts inside the box smelled so much of Dean, it physically pained Cas to be near them. Still, he couldn’t move away, couldn’t stop revelling in the best smell in the entire world.

Hesitantly he took the first shirt and brought the fabric to his face. It was a well-worn, black Led Zeppelin T-Shirt and it smelled even more intensely now that he was practically pressing it against his face. Without even wanting it, Castiel pulled the shirt over his head, using his gift only to let his wings slide through the fabric without causing any damage. It was the only thing he used his gift for anymore and only because Gabriel had told him to finally take a shower.

The shirt hung loosely from his body and for the first time in a long time Castiel felt somewhat safe and at home. It was a similar feeling to what being with Dean had felt like and Castiel sobbed in frustration at the thought. The next few minutes were a blur. Frustrated, angry and despaired Castiel punched the wall repeatedly, finally relieving some of the pain, replacing it with physical pain as the final, hard blow to the wall was accompanied by an ugly cracking noise coming right from the centre of his hand.

“Fuck.” He swore to himself, looking at his bloody knuckles and the swelling in his hand. Of course, Gabriel picked this exact moment to find him.

“Cassie.” He said, and by now the nickname was not mocking anymore, it was loving and understanding, caring. Gabriel looked at him with a mixture of disappointment and compassion and Castiel sighed, following willingly as Gabe took him to see Meg.

“What was that all about?” Gabriel asked as Meg patched up Castiel’s hand and Castiel looked at him surprised. With all the unusual things that Castiel had done and said over the course of the past few weeks, Gabriel had never questioned him, never pushed him to talk about it.

“I got angry.” Castiel said, not wanting to talk about his feelings and not knowing how to put them into words either way.

“I can see that.” Gabriel said, looking at Castiel’s hand. “That Dean’s?” He added with a nod to the shirt that Cas was still wearing.

Castiel looked down at it and nodded slowly, suddenly regretting even opening the box at all.

“Don’t you think it’s time to start continuing your life? It has been weeks. You’ve had your time to grieve and I understand that you loved him, but it’s like you don’t even want to get better. You can’t be sad forever, Cas.” Gabriel said and Meg stood up, done with Castiel’s hand and unwilling to witness what was about to be an emotional moment for both brothers. She had talked to Gabriel about his plan, and though she did not fully agree with him, she had agreed to at least let him try.

Castiel did not respond so Gabe simply continued as soon as Meg had left the room. “I know you still had some things you wanted to say to him, and with the way he passed you never had a chance to say goodbye but I think maybe you should visit his grave. Talk to him. Tell him what you feel.”

“I can’t.” Castiel said decidedly. He had thought about visiting Dean’s grave several times, but he couldn’t do it, he was not ready.

“You need to talk to someone about this, Cas. I understand you don’t want to talk to me, but you have to talk about it. Maybe this will make it easier for you.” Gabriel said and with a wave of his hand, the image of Dean appeared next to him. Castiel’s head knew immediately that it was just an illusion, that this was not real, but his heart burst into a million pieces anyway.

“Dean.” He started hesitantly, and just like that, the dam was broken. Words came pouring out of him and there was nothing that could stop them, not even Gabriel’s presence.

“I love you, Dean. I love you so much and I wanted to tell you, I was going to say it but then you- I should have told you. I should have told you the second that I knew. We should have told each other a million times over. I love you, and it hurts. It hurts not to be able to be with you, it hurts to know that you never heard me say it, that I’ll never hear you say it. That I’ll never see you again, never wake up next to you again, never be near you again. I-“ Castiel choked up, breathing shakily through his tears as he tried to collect himself enough to continue speaking. “I love you. When I met you, I finally understood what love even was. I wasn’t supposed to fall in love, I was never supposed to have the normal life that you offered. You are the most amazing person that I have ever met. Every day I got to spend with you was like a little miracle. You were my miracle. Mine. And then I lost you. And it hurts. It hurts every day. So, I have something to ask of you. Please. Come back to me. I still need you. I need you to stop being dead. Please come back to me, please.” Castiel begged, walking through the room, closer to the fake Dean, wanting to look into those green eyes again, wanting to touch him again. But as soon as he raised his hand to touch Dean’s cheek, the illusion disappeared and Castiel was left sobbing and comforted by nothing but a very guilty looking Gabriel.

 

Absolute darkness surrounded him as he woke up. His whole body was aching and his back was sore, possibly from the uncomfortable, wooden surface he was lying on. Turning his head, he squinted his eyes and tried to make out anything about the room he was in, but everything was just pitch black. His body felt too weak to sit up but he lifted one arm to feel around him and frowned as he realized he was confined by walls on both of his sides. Reaching up he bumped his hand against the ceiling. Or was it a lid? Dean tried not to panic as he pushed against it with all his strength but it didn’t budge in the least. He seemed to be trapped in some kind of locked box. Dean tried his best to remember what brought him here, but his memory was fuzzy. He banged his hand against the wooden texture and silently cursed to himself. He reached into his pockets to take out his phone, but they were empty. Pulling himself together, and using all of the strength that was left in his aching muscles, he pushed against the lid. As he tried to push it open some dirt trickled onto him and his memory came rushing back, clear as day. He was buried. He had been dead, and now he was buried alive. How? He remembered being with Sam, in that terrible storm. There had been lightning and a rock and then… Nothing. Until he woke up here. It must have been Sam's gift. Azazel had somehow still controlled Sam and killed Dean. Only that he hadn't stayed dead. Somehow, he was alive, trapped in his own grave.

It didn’t matter right now, the air was already getting thinner and Dean knew if he didn’t get out of here soon he would suffocate. Blindly he slid his fingers over the casket lid, trying to find a gap or something he could use to break through. All he found was a single gap, not big enough to put his fingers in. Instead he punched the wood repeatedly, hoping to break it this way. “Help! HELP!” Dean’s shout came out as nothing more than a hoarse whisper, he had not talked in a very long time. “Help!” He tried again, but his throat felt sore and dry and he knew there probably was nobody there who could hear him anyway. The skin on his knuckles cracked open and he could feel the blood run down his hands and arms as he punched faster than it could heal. He didn’t register the pain. Everything that mattered right now was getting out of here.  
The wood above him seemed to crack, but Dean soon realized that it was actually the bones his hand, breaking with the force of his punch. Dean tried his best to ignore the searing pain that now reached his brain and kept punching the lid. The air was getting dangerously thin and he started feeling dizzy as his punches slowed down and eventually fully ceased. Deprived of oxygen he passed out again, drifting back into the all-consuming darkness that was death.

When he woke up for the second time, his hands were crusty with his own dried blood, but entirely healed. He did not know how long he had been gone but there was no air left and he knew he did not have long before he would suffocate again. A dull pain seemed to consume his whole body as he experienced another breakout, less violent than his first ones. The only thing that kept him from giving in to the pain was his will to survive. Luckily, he remembered everything as if it happened mere seconds ago and he went right back to punching the casket lid. Breathing was painful at this point, his head and lungs felt as if they were about to explode and his limbs were heavy but he kept fighting. He thought of Sam and Cas and how he had to get back to them. If only he could see what he was doing. The dark was frightening him, making this experience so much worse. All his efforts were fruitless and he died again, waking up faster this time as his body took mere hours to recover.

The darkness that surrounded him suddenly was gone. His casket was illuminated by a bright, white light and contrary to his former believes, it did not help soothe his panic. On the contrary, Dean's breath came in short, fast pants as he looked around, horrified by the light wood surrounding him and the dark blood staining the casket lid. It was all but dripping down on him and he couldn't continue fighting, paralyzed with the realization that all the damage he had done so far had been to his hands, not the wood surrounding him. The light came from inside of him and Dean could feel the new energy fading as his body gave in to the lack of oxygen. The darkness of his grave surrounded him once again, and he couldn't suppress the desperate sob slipping from his lips. It was the last sound he made before the nightmare finally ended and he was once again engulfed by the peaceful nothing that was death.

  
The next time Dean woke up he was in severe pain. Light surrounded him again, but Dean couldn't focus enough to realize it was Castiel's gift, developed during one of his previous deaths. The pain was too much, almost consuming all of his conscious mind. It was a breakout, another one. He should have been used to them by now, they were as numerous as his deaths. But much like every death, the breakouts were unbearable and Dean finally broke, crying out in pain as he punched the casket lid above him once, putting all of his new-found energy in it while he still could, struggling to stay conscious. His lungs felt as if they were about to burst and he couldn't even begin to breathe anymore, there was nothing left.

  
Dean soon lost count of how many times he had died, how many times he had endured the indescribably painful breakouts. It didn't matter, all he could think of was escaping this hell. With a devastating cry he punched as hard as he could and suddenly the wood cracked. The last, oxygen free breath was punched out of his lungs by the heavy weight that was suddenly on him. His arm was pushed down by the dirt that came crashing down and his shoulder got dislocated. This time, death was a relief that ended both, the pain and the panic that were taking over Dean’s whole conscience in this moment.

Dean's body was healed as he awoke again, but his mind was still struggling with the panic as he was now buried in an even more horrific way. The soil he was stuck in was loose and Dean wriggled around, trying to push his arms up. Somehow he managed to move, somehow he fought his way to the surface. His lungs were threatening to burst and he felt incredibly dizzy but he kept going as long as he could. Relief flooded through him as his hand broke through the surface and he felt cool air on his skin. He used the last of his strength, at this point he did not even know anymore where he took it from and pushed himself up, gasping for air as he pushed his head through.

Cool air filled his lungs and he stopped for a moment, resting his head on the ground, one arm free, the other one still stuck in the dirt with the rest of his body.

Dean allowed himself a few moments to catch his breath before he placed his hand firmly onto the floor and pushed himself to stand up. His muscles were weak and exhausted but he could not let himself give in to it. He needed to find Cas and Sammy, needed to let them know he was alive. Needed to find Azazel, needed to give him what he deserved after successfully attempting to kill Dean. Well... Somewhat successfully. Dean thought grimly as he made his way past the prison, towards the main building. He almost bumped into Garth and Adam who were leaving the convenience store just as he marched by it. "Dean?" Garth asked incredulously, as he finally recognized his face under all the blood and dirt. "Dean!" Adam shouted after him as Dean just marched on, fully ignoring both. A sharp wave of pain washed through Dean as he had another breakout. It was as powerful as every other one, but Dean did not even pause, willing himself to keep walking. He had endured so much pain and suffering, he was not about to let a bit more stop him from getting back to his brother and his lover. As the pain ceased Dean could feel the newfound power bubbling inside him, trying to break free but Dean didn't let it. He didn't have time for this, had to find Sam, find Cas. Nothing else mattered.

Luckily for him, the corridors were empty and Dean made it to Sam's room without bumping into anybody else. He briefly considered knocking but then decided against it, he couldn't wait another second. He yanked the door open and stumbled into the room, stopping dead in his tracks as he found it empty. The bed and the desk were still there but all of Sam's personal items were gone. Dean looked around, searching for some clue, suddenly wondering how long he had been gone for. Maybe Sam had left without him. Dean didn't know whether or not he liked that thought. On the one hand, he wanted to see his brother immediately, wanted to tell him he was alive, on the other hand Dean was glad that Sam's life had continued. Dean didn't want to be the reason for Sam to miss out on anything in life.

Dean left the room and walked into his own, not at all surprised when he found it in a similar state. Apart from the bedsheets and one open box in the corner all of Dean's things had been removed from the room. At first Dean didn't notice the five slender black objects lying on the bed and on the floor. When he did, he bent down to pick one of them up, a cold shiver running down his spine when he realized what the object was. Cas. He thought and turned on his heels, all but running towards Cas' room, feather still in his hand.

Dean found himself overwhelmed by emotions as he stood in front of Castiel's door. He had knocked quickly and now he was faced with the fact that he was about to see him again, the man he loved. His heartbeat quickened as he heard footsteps inside of the room, nearing the door. When it opened and Dean finally saw those blue eyes again, he knew that all the fighting, all the suffering he had gone through had been worth it.

They just stare at each other for a few seconds, neither of them really knowing what to say, both of them on the verge of tears. Castiel turns around to look at Gabriel who is looking at Dean, wide eyes and surprised. Maybe this is real. Maybe Dean is back. Castiel wants to believe it, and this Dean in front of him does not look like one of Gabriel's illusions. He quite literally looks as if he just crawled out of a grave, covered in dirt and what was most certainly blood. Castiel raises his hand hesitantly, afraid that touching him might destroy the illusion, afraid that this might not be real after all.

Dean takes in the sight of Cas, and even though Cas looks like he has been through hell and back, Dean could not have imagined anything more beautiful. Cas is skinnier than he had been when Dean last saw him. His cheekbones are protruding a bit more and there are dark circles under his eyes. The stubbles on his face are weirdly patchy, as if he tried to shave several times but never found the motivation to finish what he started. The t-shirt he’s wearing hangs loosely from his body and a warm feeling spreads through Dean when he realizes that it is one of his own shirts. Behind him are those wings, those incredible wings that Dean loves so much. They are not the same though. They look ruffled and bleak, not standing up proudly but hanging from Cas' body.

Cas' fingertips bump against Dean's chest and immediately curl into the fabric of his shirt, pulling him closer. This is not an illusion, not another one of Gabriel’s attempts to help Cas. Dean is real and Cas can touch him.

“Cas.” Dean says when Cas finally pulls him in, immediately wrapping his strong arms around the now slender figure of his lover. Cas buries his face in the crook of Dean's neck and starts crying tears of joy and relief. He had not expected to ever hear this voice again, to ever be in these arms again. He hugs Dean back almost too tightly, fearing that Dean might leave again if he lets go. Cas hates his tears. He doesn't want Dean to see him like this. He cried so much in these past few weeks and he does not want to cry anymore. Dean is perfect though, holding him close as Castiel sobs, talking to him quietly enough to keep Gabriel from hearing.

“It's okay, baby. I'm here. Let it all out. I'm here. I'm okay. You don't have to be sad anymore, I'm okay. I'm here for you.” Dean says it to make Cas feel better, but it is not true. He’s not okay. Now that the initial urgency of having to find Cas is gone, now that he is finally holding him again, Dean can feel all the suffering he went through. A single tear slips from his eye and his sore muscles are screaming at him to lie down, to give them the rest they deserve after working so hard to escape his personal hell. He can't do it tough, can't let go of Cas. Not yet. Cas needs him and right now, Cas' arms around him, the feeling of his body against Dean's is the only thing keeping Dean sane and safe.

“I'm here, Cas. I'm here for you. I love you.” There it is. Those three big words. Cas pulls away from Dean's neck, just enough to look him in the eye. “I love you.” Cas replies and finally, after all this time, Dean smiles at him, warmth and love overshadowing the pain in his gaze as he lowers his head, kissing Castiel sweetly. Finally, with this one kiss, Castiel feels like he could stop crying. He takes Dean's face in his hands and kisses him again, smiling through the kiss as Dean pulls his body closer. Cas can taste the dirt and even the blood on Dean's lips, but still this is everything he could have wished for and more. Dean is back, and everything is okay again.

That is, until Dean breaks the kiss and slips from Cas’ arms as he stumbles, falling onto one knee.

“Dean!” Cas exclaims, trying to help him up but not getting much help from Dean. “Dean, what's going on?” He says, panicked he might loose him again so soon. He only just got him back, and so he holds Dean's body up, even as he passes out, falling against Castiel.

“Dean. No, please don't, please wake up.” Castiel is ready to give up on Dean, practically already knowing that Dean has died again, when Gabriel suddenly places a hand on Dean's neck, taking his pulse. “He's alive. Probably just exhausted. From what he looks like, I guess he crawled from his grave all by himself. That probably did a number on him. Give me a hand here.” Gabriel says and together they heave Dean's body onto the couch. Castiel tucks him in a blanket and sits with him, carefully placing Dean's head in his lap, stroking through his hair as Dean sleeps.

Castiel and Gabriel talk while Dean sleeps, speculating on how it is possible that Dean is alive. They both agree that it had to do with Dean's gift, that he had healed and eventually woke up.

“Why was he buried?” Castiel asks, looking at Gabriel accusingly. “If his body was healing, someone must have noticed. Why was he buried?”

“I don't know. I didn't go to the funeral, I was with you, remember? All I know is that they didn't know where to keep the body, so they had to bury him as soon as the casket arrived. I can only imagine how he got out of there. Must have been horrible to wake up like that.” Gabriel says, walking into the kitchen.

Castiel doesn't know what to say to that so he simply keeps stroking Dean's hair, looking down at his lover's face. Gabriel is right. Even right before Dean kissed him, Cas saw it in his eyes. The pain and suffering Dean has gone through. Now, unconscious, Dean looks peaceful. Well, as peaceful as a person can look with a face full of dirt and dried blood.

Right on cue, Gabriel returns with a warm washcloth, handing it over to Cas. “Will you be alright here? People should know about this. Sam needs to know.” He says, looking down at his brother, smiling in what seems like the first time in forever.

“I'll be fine. Don't tell Sam yet. I think Dean will want to do that himself. Thank you, Gabriel.” Cas says sincerely and he doesn't have to elaborate. Thank you for being there when I needed it most, thank you for supporting me, thank you for making sure Sam is alright. It's all there, in Castiel's eyes and Gabriel smiles at him before leaving the room.

Castiel stays with Dean, gently washing his face with the washcloth. With every stroke, Dean looks better and better until his face is finally clean, looking utterly peaceful. Cas can't bring himself to wake Dean up so he just stays there, sitting, watching as Dean sleeps for hours.

When Dean finally wakes up he feels disoriented, and for a second he fears he might be back under ground, that his escape was nothing but a hallucination, conjured by a desperate, oxygen deprived brain. There is light though, not the light that comes from within him, but actual daylight. He feels warmer too, comfortable even. The hand in his hair is soothing and he doesn't have to look to know that it's Cas, watching over him.

“How long was I gone?” The question is incredibly loud in the otherwise quiet room and Dean closes his eyes, surprised by how raspy he still sounds. He should really drink something.

“You were out a few hours.” Castiel replies, but that's not what Dean asked. Dean knows it, Cas knows it. It's okay though, Dean doesn't really want to talk about it either. So Dean stays silent, reaching up to lock his fingers with Castiel's, smiling when Cas leans down to press a gentle kiss to Dean's hair.

“Do you need anything?” It's a simple question, but Castiel somehow manages to express so much emotion with it. Dean feels how glad Cas is that he is back. Cas would do anything to keep him happy, to keep him safe. Dean knows that, too.

“A little water would be nice. A bath, maybe.” Dean says and hesitantly sits up, revelling in how happy this simple movement makes him. The last time he was able to sit up this easily seems ages ago. Almost immediately, Cas is up to get him a glass of water, somehow managing to go into the kitchen without really taking his eye off Dean. “Don't worry, angel. I'm okay.” Dean says as he gets up, muscles still weakened and exhausted. With his healing abilities he would have thought his muscles would take less time to recover. Then again, he has just repeatedly come back from the dead, maybe he should slow it down a bit.

He takes the glass from Cas and downs it in one, only now realizing how parched he is. Luckily for him, Cas has the bottle ready and already refills the glass. “I love you.” Cas says randomly, and Dean smiles warmly. “I know. I love you too.” He says and downs the second glass of water before carefully placing it onto the coffee table. “Care to join me for my bath?” Dean asks, wrapping his arms around his lover.

With Castiel's support, Dean actually manages to make it to the bathroom without his legs giving in even once. Castiel even has to help Dean undress, not because Dean is too weak, but because the blood that soaked into Dean’s clothing is all dried up now, making the fabric stick to his skin in the most unpleasant way.

“This is not what I imagined when I asked you to join me.” Dean grumbles when they finally managed to strip him down and Cas has him sit in the bathtub alone.

“Let's get all of this off you first, then I'll join you.” Cas says, motioning to the dirt and blood that seems to cover Dean's whole body.

“Deal.” Dean says and Castiel smiles, opening the tab and grabbing a towel. It is weird, being washed by another person like this. Castiel does not fill up the bathtub but instead continuously washes the towel, soaking it in water before wiping as much dirt as possible off Dean's body. It isn't until Dean notices that Castiel is only working with one hand that he notices the state his other hand is in.

“What happened?” He says, taking it in both his hands and inspecting the bruised knuckles. Castiel flinches at the touch and pulls his hand from Dean's grip. “Nothing. It's alright.” Dean frowns at that, shaking his hand. “Let me look at it.” He says gently, looking at Castiel. Reluctantly, Cas places his hand back into Dean's, blushing as Dean kisses every bruised knuckle. “I hate to see you in pain.” Dean says, not only talking about the hand, but also Castiel's wings and his overall appearance. He wants nothing more than to help Castiel, and suddenly, with a last kiss to Castiel’s hand, Dean feels a surge of warmth go through his body. It is a feeling similar to his first gift. Only now it doesn’t stay inside of Dean's body, it flows from his hands into Castiel's and Dean watches, fascinated as the bruising and swelling slowly disappear. Castiel grimaces as the bone suddenly pushes itself back into place and sighs in relief when it heals instantly.

“How did you do that?” Cas asks, eyes wide as he painlessly moves his perfectly healed hand.

“I don't know.” Dean replies honestly and smiles as Cas exhales an impressed. “Awesome.”

“You think that's awesome? Look at this.” Dean says and closes his eyes, focussing on the swirl of newfound gifts inside of him, hoping to find Castiel's. Even though he never learned to control any of them and he really does not understand how, his body instinctively adapted to every new gift and he has no problem using them. Dean looks Castiel straight in the eye, watching his lovers reaction as he slowly starts glowing from the inside. It is a very dim light at first, barely noticeable but then it gets brighter and brighter until Cas eventually has to avert his eyes.

“Dean, how...?” Cas asks and Dean's smile fades. “I think every time I... Died... I developed a new gift. Whenever I woke up I had a breakout.”

Castiel's head snaps around to look at Dean who has stopped glowing altogether. “Every time? How often did you die?”

“I don't know. I lost count after a while.” Dean says almost carelessly as it is his only way to cope with what he has experienced.

Castiel swallows thickly, averting his eyes once more as they fill with tears. “I'm so sorry, Dean.” He says and swallows again, hating how much the tears are audible in his voice. He hates how he seems to constantly live on the verge of tears. Dean is back, he should be happy. The tears that fall from his eyes are not tears of joy though. He feels guilty, sad and so emotionally drained that he doesn't even have the energy to make a sound as the tears run down his cheeks.

“You don't have to... Cas. Angel.” Dean says warmly, sitting up in the bathtub and raising his hands to cup Castiel's face. “You don't have to be sorry. I'm here. I'm alive. We'll be fine.” He says, holding eye contact as he wipes his thumbs under Castiel's eyes.

“I should have known. I could have stopped them from burying you. You didn't have to go through this. You didn't deserve any of this.” Cas says weakly, new tears welling up. Dean leans forward, kissing Cas' cheeks, kissing his tears away.

“You couldn't have known. Nobody could have known. It wasn't your fault.” Dean says as Cas throws his arms around Dean's neck, pulling him closer. It is an awkward hug, Dean being naked and wet, Castiel fully clothed. The edge of the bathtub presses into Dean's stomach uncomfortably and his wet skin is starting to get cold, but he gladly hugs Castiel back, happy that he can hug him. As he does, Castiel slowly stops crying and even makes his wings disappear, finding the strength and will to do it. Dean would hold him like this forever, but eventually Cas lets go. “Did you still want me to join you?” He asks, changing the subject. Dean nods at that, opening the faucet and filling the tub with water so warm it is just on the right side of too hot. It is a stark contrast to the temperature of the room and Dean feels his muscles relaxing as steam rises, fogging up the room.

“This is nice.” Castiel remarks, finally smiling again as he sits between Dean's legs, leaning against him as Dean's strong arms wrap around him from behind. “It is.” Dean says with a soft kiss to Castiel's shoulder. Castiel's back feels bone-y against Dean's chest, and Dean makes a mental note to himself to get Castiel to eat normal again.

“I love you.” He says, settling his hands on Castiel's lower stomach, smiling as he says it. It’s almost funny how easy it is to tell Cas that he loves him, now that he once admitted it.

“I love you too.” Castiel replies, snuggling against Dean. His body is fully relaxed and the heat of the water and the safety of Dean's presence make him feel perfectly at ease.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there it is. Again, I apologize for putting you through the pain of Dean's loss. I hope this made up for it. I also hope you didn't mind the change of tense in this one, somehow I felt like writing present tense made more sense. Let's just pretend like everything that happened before was in the past and this is now. Real time or something. 
> 
> I know I said Azazel and Alistair would be dealt with in this one but I think it already is enough of an emotional rollercoaster as it is. Next one will deal with that, and i feel like I'm not even spoiling anything when saying that there will be a happy ending. Our guys deserve it. Should I put that in the tags to let people know this is Angsty but not really MCD all the way? I personally hate spoilers like that but I understand that I gave some of you guys some grief. One last time: Sorry about that.
> 
> Anyway. Let me know what you think. Maybe leave a Kudo. It means the world to me. Hope you have a wonderful day.


	21. Happy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this took forever and I really do not have any excuses for that. I guess my brain was not ready for this thing to end. I lowkey dislike the ending, too, but I know if i don't post this I will never post anything and I feel like this thing deserves its happy end.

_“I love you too.” Castiel replies, snuggling against Dean. His body is fully relaxed, and the heat of the water and the safety of Dean's presence make him feel perfectly at ease._

They soak in the hot water for a long time, quietly talking to each other about everything and nothing. Castiel informs Dean that Sam is at Stanford, living with Jessica who is talking good care of Sam. Castiel stayed in touch with Sam, even after- They don’t talk about that. Somehow, they manage to pretend like nothing of importance happened. Dean was away for a time and now they catch up, as couples do. They also talk about wanting to leave the island. Dean knows he can’t stay here, not with Sam gone. Castiel will come with him, they don’t even have to talk about that. Neither of them are willing to leave the other and Castiel would do everything to ensure that he never has to lose Dean again. Dean would like to say the same. That he would do everything for Cas, even stay on this island but he can’t. Not after- He just can’t.

They eventually leave the safety and comfort of the bathtub, but only because the water got cold. Castiel walks into his bedroom stark naked and, lacking fresh clothes, Dean follows him. They both get dressed, Dean borrowing some of Castiel’s loose sweatpants as he does not have any of his own. “We should tell Chuck about this. I want to leave as soon as possible.” Dean says once they are dressed and Castiel nods reluctantly, not ready to share Dean just yet. So instead of following him out of the room, Cas grabs Dean by the hand and pulls him back into the bedroom, stepping against him as he does. “Cas-“, Dean starts, but Castiel silences him quickly, pressing his lips against Deans. The kiss is more violent, more urgent than Castiel had intended, but he rolls with it, burying his hands in Dean’s hair and stepping even closer as Dean wraps his arms around his waist. It isn’t until then that Castiel notices how much his body needs this. The familiar taste in his mouth that is so very Dean, the familiar feeling of Dean’s hands on his body. It takes a lot of willpower to pull away. “Let’s go?” Dean asks slightly breathless and leans his forehead against Castiel's for a moment before they leave the room hand in hand.

“No.” Chuck says simply when they finish their story and ask him to organize their departure, seemingly unfazed by the fact that Dean came back from the dead.

Dean frowns and takes a step towards him. “You can’t force us to stay here.” He challenges him, towering over Chuck who is calmly sitting at his desk. “Actually, I can.” Chuck says, closing his laptop and leaning back in his chair as he looks up at Dean, unimpressed. “It was hard enough to cover up Gabriel’s little stunt, I will not risk you two exposing all of us. You have developed numerous gifts that still are unaccounted for, and Castiel did not have any control over his gift until a few hours ago. Last time I saw him he was entirely incapable of even hiding his wings any longer.” Chuck gets up as he speaks, still considerably shorter than Dean but trying to counteract the way Dean is towering over him.

Neither of them know what Chuck is talking about, unaware of what Gabriel has done to ensure Sam leaving the island. Just like with them, Chuck had forbidden Sam to leave, fearing he might get overwhelmed by his emotions and lose control over his gift. Instead of complying to Chucks orders, Gabriel and Meg had smuggled Sam onto a delivery plane, leaving the island to get food and necessities for the island’s inhabitants. Sam had indeed lost control, revealing his powers to Jessica and burying the whole state of California under big, dark clouds for days on end.

“As you can see, he’s fine now. I am not staying here, and if I have to swim. You can't say or do anything that would stop me.” Dean says, practically shaking with barely contained anger and Cas steps up against him, trying to calm him down by hugging him around the waist. Touching Dean, he can feel it, the energy beneath Dean’s skin, crackling like electricity just waiting to break free and wreak havoc. Castiel is impressed by the control Dean is displaying. He does not know how many gifts exactly Dean is keeping at bay right now, but feeling what he is feeling, Castiel can imagine how much will it must take.

“You cannot leave. I forbid it.” Chuck says, still unwilling to consider it and Dean snaps. Castiel steps forward as Dean suddenly escapes his arms, lurching over the table with inhuman speed, slamming Chuck against the wall before either of them sees it coming.

“Listen up, you sonofabitch.” He growls through gritted teeth as he pushes Chuck up against the wall with one hand on the shorter man’s throat. “I don’t care what you want. We came here to ask for your help, not your permission. We will leave, and you will do nothing to stop us. Do you understand?” Chuck’s eyes flick to look at Castiel who is watching the scene, shocked by Dean’s outburst. Dean, angry that Chuck isn’t replying, isn’t giving him the answer he wants, tightens his grip around Chucks throat, lifting him up just enough to force him to stand on his tiptoes, helplessly trying to pry Dean’s fingers from his throat. “Do you understand?” He repeats slowly, menacingly and Chuck nods jerkily, eyes bulging out of his head as Dean is cutting off his oxygen supply.

“Dean.” Cas chimes in as Dean still doesn’t let go and Dean steps back, dropping Chuck who falls onto the floor, coughing and gasping for air.

“Let’s go.” Dean says and leaves the room, not looking back. He’s still angry, furious even. Mainly with Chuck, but also with the whole situation. _Why is this happening to me? What did I ever do to deserve any of this?_ He asks himself repeatedly as he walks. At least he thinks he’s walking, but the walls fly by too quickly, and within seconds he is outside, standing in front of the ugly block they call the cells. He doesn’t know the code to the door, his hand print is not authorized to open it either, but he wants to go in and he knows that he can. He’s been feeling it ever since he escaped his grave, it was the only reason he even managed to break the wood. A new gift. Benny’s gift, to be precise only heightened, even stronger. Dean gathers all his feelings, all the anger, all the pain and puts it into his fist as he punches the door once, hard and fast. The metal screeches and - with a deafening bang - falls over, ripped from its hinges.

“Dean!” Cas calls out for him, running after him as Dean seemingly disappears. Dean is too fast, and Cas doesn’t know where he went so he goes looking for him. He’s not in his room, and by the time Cas arrives at the cafeteria the alarms go off. At first, he doesn’t know what the alarms mean, he’s never heard them before. Then it dawns on him. Someone has forcefully opened the door to one of the prisoner’s cells. The government has agreed to put them in a coma, but not given any resources yet, so in the meantime Charlie installed this alarm. It is a deafening noise, blaring loud enough to be heard in the entire building, the entire island probably. Castiel covers his ears with his hands to block out some of the noise as people start coming out of their rooms to find out what the hell is going on. 

“Stay inside!” He shouts at everyone that he sees, starting to run as he now knows exactly where Dean is. He knows that he won’t be fast enough to stop a disaster from happening, but Castiel hopes he can at least stop Dean from being killed again. Even though he is fairly certain that Dean would resurrect, he would rather not take that chance.

He finds Dean kneeling over Azazel’s corpse, face and shirt stained with blood, hands entirely covered. Castiel doesn’t know what exactly happened between the two men, but Azazel’s head is bashed in, blood and brain spilling out onto the concrete. When Castiel places a gentle hand on Dean’s shoulder he notices that Dean is shaking, shocked by his own actions. Castiel stays silent, unsure of what to say, knowing that there is nothing he _could_ say to make this better. The alarm stops and Castiel turns around to find Charlie and Chuck standing in the doorway, looking horrified. 

“Dean?” Charlie is the first to say anything, voice shaking as she walks into the cell. “You’re alive.” She states with wonder and finally Dean moves, looking up at her, tears shining in his eyes. “Hey, Charlie.” He says stupidly, and she sobs, throwing herself at him, hugging him. Despite all the blood, despite the gruesome body lying right there next to them Charlie couldn’t have been happier.

“I thought you were dead. We… Oh my god, Dean we buried you. I’m so sorry. I missed you so much.” She babbles, taking his face in her hands and he smiles at her weakly. “I missed you too, kiddo.”

“They’re dead, they’re both dead.” Chuck interrupts the emotional moment. “You killed them.” He says accusingly and Dean nods, helping Charlie up as he stands. “I did.” He says simply, looking back at the body. “You’re welcome.”

Castiel, who is still standing next to Dean, looks at him with a frown. “You’re welcome?” He says himself say, not recognizing the careless person standing in front of him. This is not the Dean he walked in on, the tears are gone, and Dean’s hands are steady as he stares at Chuck, daring him to say anything.

“They were bad people, Cas. They would have broken free again, would have killed again. This is the best way, I had to do it.” Dean says and when he finally looks at Cas, Cas can see it in his eyes. It’s an act. Be careless, be brave, be strong. Don’t let Chuck or anyone else sense your weakness. Dean doesn't even convince himself with it.

“It’s okay, Dean. You’re okay.” He says simply, pulling Dean into a tight hug, holding him even as Chuck walks closer. “It is not okay! You killed someone, you took human lives! You’re insane if you think I can still let you leave this island.” Castiel can feel Dean’s body tense and holds him tighter, unsure what Dean is capable of anymore. Chuck takes a cautionary step back, and Dean frees himself of Castiel's grip with ease. He doesn't say anything though, just walks past Chuck, ignoring all of them asking him to stop and listen. Castiel agrees with Dean. Nobody is going to miss Azazel or Alistair, and if he is entirely honest he doesn't really care. He wants to leave the island more than anything, wants to be a real person in a real city just once in his life. He wants to be with Dean. He also understands Chuck though. If Dean is dangerous he cannot leave. The thought pains him, so he decides to ignore it. Dean deserves to see Sam again.

He finds Dean kneeling in his bathtub, still clothed, frantically cleaning his hands and face. He's kneeling with his back to the door and Castiel stands in the door for a few moments before he realizes that Dean is crying. Immediately he is at Dean's side, hugging him over the side of the tub, much like they did earlier today. This time Castiel is the one comforting Dean, and Dean hides his face in Castiel's neck. Castiel runs his hand though Dean's hair and watches the slightly pink water run down his wrist. Neither of them say anything and they sit like that for a long time, the hot water from the faucet fogging up the room. “I killed someone.” Dean says eventually and Castiel looks at him as he finally pulls back from the hug. “Well, they did kill you first.” It's the only thing Castiel can come up with and apparently it's the right reply as Dean manages a smile. “I love you.” he says, and Castiel places a hand on his cheek, smiling back. “Let's get you home, Dean Winchester.”

Everything happens very fast after Dean finally gets out of the bathtub. He is still not convinced all the blood is washed from his hair, even after Castiel shampooed him four times. Still, he does not want to wait another second. The flight to California will take way too long already. At some point Gabriel and Meg join them, helping them pack whatever Castiel deems necessary. They all walk out of the Institute together, and Dean is surprised to see a plane waiting for them. “Don't ever say I never did anything for you, little brother.” Gabriel says to Castiel as he hugs him goodbye. “I'll follow in a few days, we just have to take care of Megs working contract first.” Gabriel grins at the incredulous look Castiel gives him. “What? You didn't think I actually had to stay here, did you? I just wanted to keep you company.” They hug again and then Castiel enters the plane, ready to start his life.

Neither of them stay awake for more than 20 minutes into the flight. All nerves and anticipation is not enough to counteract the exhaustion overcoming them. Castiel sleeps leaning against Dean, feeling safe in his arms. They don't wake up for hours, and when they do it's to the feeling of the plane hitting ground. “We're here.” Dean breathes, and Castiel sits up, looking out the window. It's dark out, and Castiel can see lights in the distance. A city. They are let out of the plane and led straight to a car that is already waiting for them, Gabriel really pulled all the stunts.

Dean is practically vibrating all the way to Sam's apartment. Castiel places a hand on Dean's thigh and feels him relax a bit. “We're here.” The driver says and Dean practically jumps out of the car. It's the middle of the night and the car door disrupts the silence as he slams it shut. It isn't quiet in the street though, not really. Not like it was on the island, after everyone went to bed. There are more people here and even this late at night there is a couple walking, hand in hand. Their hushed voices are carried over to Castiel and for the first time since their departure Castiel fully realizes his situation. He does not have time to dwell on it though as Dean is already ringing the doorbell. Castiel wants to be there when Dean finally sees his brother again.

They have to ring twice before something happens. “Fuck off, Brody, I told you I have an interview tomorrow.” It's Sam, speaking through the intercom. Tired and annoyed, but definitely Sam. “Sammy, it's me.” Dean says and, as there is no response, rings again.

“Who is this?”

“It's me, Dean. Please open up.”

“Fuck off.”

It's a reasonable reaction. Dean knows it, but he can't help but feel disappointed. He had expected Sam to open the door immediately, to surprise him in person. This is not at all what he had imagined on his way here.

It's Castiel who rings the doorbell again. “Sam, this is Castiel and Dean. He's alive. Open the door so we can explain.” Sam doesn't answer but the door opens with a buzz, much to Dean's relief. He steps into the hallway, but before he can look around to take in his surroundings Sam is already storming down the stairs. He's fuming and armed with a field hockey stick. He's only wearing his boxers and a t-shirt and Dean is relieved to notice that he is much more muscular than he was when Dean last saw him. He looks healthy, much better than Castiel had looked when Dean saw him again. Much healthier than Cas looks now, standing in the doorway behind Dean.

Sam stumbles to a halt, missing the last step and if Dean hadn't been there to catch him he would have fallen. Sam's hands immediately reach for his brother, even as his brain fails to process the situation.

“This is real. I'm real. It's okay, I'm here.” Deans voice is calm as Sam clutches onto him, crying into his older brothers shoulder. “I'm back. I got you. It's okay, I got you.”

It's Jess' soft voice that finally breaks Sam out of his shock. “Sam?” She's standing at the top of the stairs, wrapped in a blanket. “What...” It takes her a second, but Dean can see the exact moment she recognizes him. “Oh my god. Dean.” And then there's two people trying to crush him with their hugs.

They go inside after everyone has calmed down a bit and sit in the tiny living space to talk. Sam decides not to go to his interview, sending a quick e-mail, explaining that he's sick. He and Jess sit in an armchair, Jess snuggled in Sam's lap, both of them wrapped in her blanket. Dean sits next to Cas on the couch, taking Dean's hand but not initiating any further contact. His heart warms as Dean leans against him like it's the most natural thing in the world. And it is. They talk through the night, and Castiel is almost sad when Jess says she'll head to bed and Sam agrees to join her. He could have stayed like this forever.

Dean and Cas sleep on the couch together, and when Jess wakes up in the morning she snaps a picture of them spooning. Sam agrees that the way Cas holds Dean is just way too cute to ignore. She has to go to work, but Sam stays and Dean wakes up to the smell of pancakes and bacon. _This is good._ He thinks. _Life is good._ He's holding the love of his life, his brother is there making them breakfast, and he's alive. They're all alive and Dean feels happy. For the first time in his life he's sure of it. He doesn't know what exactly the future holds, but he will get to spend it with Cas. He will get to have a future. 

He's happy. They're happy. 

  
  


 


End file.
